"Starfleet Man"                           
(to the tune of "Piano Man")                      
Copyright (c) 1991 by Stewart M. Wiener      

It's beta shift on the Enterprise,     
The regular crowd shuttles in.     
There's a Klingon sitting next to me,     
Eating /gagh/ with his prune juice and gin.      
He says, "Sir, with respect, stay away from me --     
My brother and son share my shame.     
My revenge tasted sweet, but I'm still incomplete,     
While the Klingon homeworld has no name."      

Guinan at the bar is a friend of mine,     
She gives out advice like Troi,     
And she's there for a chat, in her big funky hat,     
But I'll stick with my Betazoid toy.      
She said, "Will, I believe this is killing me,"     
As she drifted away from her post,     
"But I'm sure I that I could be a movie star,     
If they do a sequel to GHOST."      

CHORUS:   Get me a drink, I'm a Starfleet man,               
Get me a drink tonight --               
'Cause I'm not in the mood for your synthohol,               
Ten-Forward is feeling alright.      

Now Geordi's a big party animal,     
Since he stopped having sex with his hand --     
And he's talking with Data, who's still in a state o'     
Confusion on the measure of man.      
And the Captain is practicing politics,     
As the Romulans slip through the Zone,     
Yes, he's using a tool called diplomacy,     
And they don't know their cover is blown.      

CHORUS      There's a pretty good crowd for the poker game,     
And Deanna's a card shark's delight,     
'Cause she's sending me signs, while she's reading their minds,     
And we'll split up my winnings tonight.      
And Ten-Forward sounds like a carnival,     
While the crew laugh about my career,     
And my friends in the fleet say that I have cold feet     
And say, "Man, what's he STILL doing here?"      

CHORUS:   Get me a drink, I'm a Starfleet man,               
Get me a drink tonight --               
'Cause I'm not in the mood for your synthohol,               
Ten-Forward is feeling alright.