Ah hah! Little do the SWIL presidents know, but I, one of the many Rebeccas, have taken over the typing of SWILNews. Bow before me! After having discussed the intrigues of running for SWIL president for all of 10 seconds with Queen Amydala, Darth Paul ran away in haste, leaving a large crowd of parenthetical people to write SWILNews. (SWILBusiness (. -p) (SWILBusiness doesn't have a period after it! -a) -h) Abi-Wan has the notebook. Oops. The typist (who may or may not be Darth Paul, who might not have run away after all -p) must wait for the notebook.... Waiting...... Waiting..... Waiting.... Waiting... Waiting.. Waiting. The notebook arrives! The rabble were pathetic. (I am not enabling their patheticness! -a) We may know who our presidents are before we know who our president is. (Master, why do I sense we're taking on *another* useless lifeform? -a) (I'm sorry (for my Halloween costume -j). -j) Submit to BEM! (And bow before Darth Paul. -p) (Omm. -h) ( Does this mean Hannahkin is going to become a Sith as well? -3) (Duh. Haven't you *seen* the movies? -b) (Hey! My Padawan does NOT become a Sith! He's (er, She's) a cute little boy (er, girl!) -a) ((A- -a) Sentience Proof -d): "If this quote comes to three consecutive meetings, can we dismember it?" Using the verbal half of the SATs, we find that having a dependent and an independent clause makes a sentence complex. Using the math half of the SATs (boo! hiss! -a (hey! -b (those are parenthetical comments -q (no! they're not nested! -c)))), we find that "complex" means it has an i in it. The sentence in question is complex, therefore it is a sentence with i in it. Therefore, it is a "sentience." Heckles: The fact that it's "sentience" doesn't mean it's sentient. It's "a sentience," therefore NOT sentient, since "a" is a privative (or apprivative, if I am typing! -p) (that means a negative -h). By a count of 8-7, the sentence was voted not sentient. This was verified by a hand recount. (no! the humanity! -s) (No! The Divinity! -l) (End Sentience Proof -a) Thank you Sharples people. Movie nominations happened. If you haven't received the e-mail about this, ha ha! If you have received it and haven't voted yet, do so by Monday. (... You culturally illiterate people! -d) (NonSWILBusiness -c) The choir and orchestra are tonight and tomorrow. (Last week's tonight and tomorrow. -3) (I love my notes. -a) Jamboree is Sunday, at 7:30, in Lang. (Come or die! (It's not my fault I'm late; I'm a generation after you! -l) -l) (Come or die! -s) (Die or come! -q) (Come or I'll kill you. 'Cause that's actually my point. -l) (I'll kill you or come! -q) (So what's the plot? -l) (The plot is that ... -q) (Can I say there's gonna be ducks? 'Cause there are gonna be ducks, and people like ducks. It's also gonna be fun, and if people don't laugh their asses off I'm gonna be annoyed. On the other hand, then there's all these asses lying around, and ew! See, aren't I fun? Okay, how much of this are you writing? (hee hee hee -p) -l) Saturday, December 16, at 7 PM, in Kohlberg 115, the Millenium Falcone will be showing MST3K: Santa. (o/` They call him S-A-N-T-A C-L-A-U-S! Hooray for Santy Claus! o/` -a) (Not that.. (It's a very short ellipsis? -l) (Well, yes. -q) -f) (not nested! -b) 7:30 tonight, storyreading and Indian food. (Last week's tonight. -2) (Do you think it would be funny to write on a medical form where it says "Hemoglobin", "No"? -b) (This is what happen when the typist tries to transcribe conversation. -p) (Oops. -a) (Superman. -q) (Yet another re-enactment of our funniest moment ever. -a) (No, your funniest moment ever was "Oops. Frog." -b) (That's why it's a re-enactment. A dramatization, if you will. -q) (So, in your dramatization, "frog" becomes "Superman"? Through the intermediate stage of Moe the Wonder Lizard! -b) (You're monkey's attacking me! -a) (Yay! -q) (No! -a) (Next! -b) At this point, Abi-Wan wrests the keyboard away from Darth Paul in a desperate attempt to save SWILNews from the horrors of her shoe. Catherine has a Chronicles of Narnia Advent Calendar. The Sci-Fi Dune mini-series will be reshown in Greylock on Sunday, starting at 1:00 (pm -bj) to 7:00 (pm -bj). John went to T Bumbles. (No he didn't. -q) John said he was going to go to T Bumbles. (Until the point when he said he wasn't going to. -q) John originally said that he was going to go to T Bumbles, but *eventually* he changed his mind. (Then he changed it back, but T Bumbles wasn't open. -q) (ARGH! Hmstng! -a) (Bnjee! -q) (HBmnsjteneg! -aq) Gaming! (It happened in Kohlberg -c) (*That's* where I was last weekend! -p) (No, you weren't. -a) The D&D movie is coming out a week from yesterday. (Last week's week from yesterday. -3) Which is to say, right now. Quills, a new movie about the Marquis de Sade, is coming out soon. (Last week's... oh, wait. Never mind. -2) (Shouldn't 2 being speaking in beeps and whistles? -a) (Beep! Whistle beep beep BEEP! -q) (Yeah! -2) At this point, Darth Paul gets up and (does a dance? -q) kills Abi-Wan Kenobi, despite the fact that Abi-Wan would prefer that Darth Paul kill Qui-Gon Jimm, so he can die saying, "Help me, Abi-Wan Kenobi! You're my only hope!" Qui-Gon, avenging the death of his Padawan Apprentice, sliced everybody in the room in half, then realized what he did, and, in horror, spent the next 50 years living alone on a Random Desert Planet (TM), until he met a young man named Luke Hankins -- er, Skywalker. This still didn't fix the plot, though. Oh well. (Okay, your fridge is sounding like Darth Vader. Yea, you have let the evil into your very room. -l) (Okay, Superman will protect her, unless I kidnap Superman. -p) (I really think that Amydala has a thing with Abi-Wan (but! -q). No, don't you even think of putting that in. -l) (Superman is *not* a ballerina! -q) (Aaaah! Stop! Change! No! -l) (That was my eardrum... -a) (Tough shit! That's my quote and it's a bad apostrophe; it's evil! -l) (Okay, where? -a) (That! -l) (Oh. Oh! -a) (You might want to say "Editor's Note: the quote has been changed ..." the quote has been changed to the light side of the force! -l) Chewbecca is going upstairs. Wish her luck. (The Attendance List of Happy Existentialists -- 12/2/00 -f) Arcadia "as long as I don't wear the corset and the cravat at the same time I should be fine" Falcone (Smile and nod -a) (Nod and smile -l) (mmmmmrm -qp) (The roommates are being weird at each other. -l) John "And His Turtle, Aligator, and yellow Shoelaces" Finkbiner dead Kyla "supporting the evil ^ bitch ex-roommate wonderful actress" Tornheim Catherine "Evil Bride of Search for Lighting Designer" Osborne Sam "Dimple the Goat" Weiler (Not going there. Just not going there. -b) Josh "Military Monotheism Math" Smith (Cool! I want *that*! -p) Andrea "oh, attendance list" Hall (I kept reading it as , "oh, attendance list!" but now I'm reading it as "oh, attendance list" and that makes much more sense. -q) Josh " attending tense tendons" Burdick Hollis "Der Schnitzelfelder" Easter Pepper "Now available in Tadfield" Shaker JC "Gerard of Waygorth" Ravage Kyra "Not just willful, but obdurate too, baby!" Jucovy benjamin 'ask a glass of water' r, george & Margeret 'eternal pebble game' the Camera & Daphne 'too lazy to sign myself in' the Typewriter ~Elliot "" Reed Ross "My SANDWiCh hAS A FiRSt NAMe & it's O-S-C-A-R" MessiNG (C-L-A-U-S. Hooray for Oscar... -a) ~Sam "Not really here" Crane Rachel "How can Sam not really be here if she put her stuff on my tray?" Sapiro (But she is really there because it's not Sam not really there. -s) Dan "This is the way my world ends - not with a bang, but a paper!" Blim (I'm sorry! I didn't realize the attendance list would be so stressful for you. -b) Jim "Too much Un-dis-a-ex-anti-prefixation at this meeting!" Moskowitz Ben "Ben "Ben "Ben "Ben "......" Newman" Newman" Newman" Newman" Newman" (Silly Ben, unterminated quotations are for kids. -s) Abby "Cicero, Sallust, and Plato -- oh my!" Friedman Robert "$\forall$ x x is not a universal quantifier" McFarland (sigh. -a) Rebecca "I Hate sharples" Jones Amy' "$sum_{j=0}^{\infty} x_j = A \Rightarrow sum_{j=0}^{\infty} (x_j)^2 = ?$" Marinello - Abi-Wan Kenobi - Old Ben Kenobi - Queen Amydala - Darth Paul - Qui-Gon Jimm - Chewbecca 'n Cookie - Lando Kylarissian - Hannahkin Skywalker - Sergeant Hollis - The Millenium Falcone - Dan Solo - BC3P0 - K2T2