Act I scene i John, King of SWIL, has taken a temporary leave of absence (Borgel's not going to like that. -d) (Why? -s) (Because he kidnapped Liv of Absence. -d) (Can I hit him? -s) (I'll do it for you. -g) whilst traversing the streets of Philadelphia, disguised as a peasant so as to familiarize himself with the opinions of his subjects. In the meantime, he has left his evil younger brother Rebecca Paul in charge of governing SWIL in his absence. Which is okay, because he's just a figurehead. The presidents do all the work. (Maybe he's nearly dead, and has been for many centuries. -g) (The important thing is that he's a Tragic Figure (TM) -d) BUT! Unbeknowst to John and the presidents, Rebecca Paul has a league of Evil Minions with whom she plans to OVERTHROW SWIL!!!!!!! omni exeunt, screaming. Act II scene i Rebecca Paul overthrew the presidents and had them unlawfully imprisoned. They smuggled a note out to a small (jazz -h) (contra -s) (I think one of them had the lute -d) band of loyal SWILlies, informing them of King John's intentions to find a job amongst the peasants of the world. The loyal (rubber -g)band snuck away from the rest of SWIL in search of their missing monarch. scene ii *** SWILBusiness *** The rabble were truly pathetic. SWILoween will be held on the night of Friday, October 26th, in the WRC. In order to gain entrance to this hallowed SWIL tradition, one must first pay Rebecca Paul money. $4.00 if you pay her now, $5.00 if you pay her at SWILoween, and $6.00 if you pay her post-party. (But she's only going to use the money to further her plans of usurption! Pay her early so she gets less money. -h) (But that's not fair! Just because I'm wearing a suit, talking on a cellphone, and have a Palm Pilot doesn't mean I'm evil! -Rebecca Paul) The ML Halloween party shall be held on the very same night, so fear not, dear SWILlies. (The math department was really cool, but the deans weren't, about letting us have SWILoween in the math department. -g) The Pterodactyl Hunt was much fun for all concerned. Gold has a brave story about how five hunters surrounded her, but they kept slipping on the grass and she dispatched them all. It's not a *true* brave story, but we like her anyway. Rachel S., Adrian, Rebecca, and Katie made 15 hunters run, a la Han Solo and the stormtroopers. There were many songs sung. People got confused by Kyra's fish posters. Submit to Rebe--er, BEM. By Unnecessary SWILVote, it was decided that the pterodactyls have a flat tax proposal. (They're in on it *too*? Geez! -s) Monday's movie (after break) will be Killer Tomatoes Eat France! -- Comedy, Science fiction / 1991 -- After being busted out of jail by his tomatoes, Professor Mortimer Gangrene begins a new plot to take over the world by inserting his hapless lackey Igor into the throne of the King of France. In the lottery (Okay, e-mail vote. All in favor of calling it SWILLottery, e-mail Gold at . All in favor of calling it SWILottery, e-mail Stone at . Then, we'll "tally the votes" and let you know the outcome.) (By tally, I assume we mean "fight to the death." -s) (We'll fight the votes to the death? -g) (Yes, dear. -s), Comma chose the fizzy, foamy bubblegum over the other prize. Come after break for a chance to win the other prize! Act III scene i So! John has been wandering around the streets of Philadelphia pretending to be a peasant. A group of SWILlies, celebrating the recent birthday of Kyra and the upcoming birthday of Comma, wandered into the Pizza Pizza at which John had acquired a job. They informed him of Rebecca Paul's hostile take over, of the imprisonment of the presidents, and of the fact that there was a fly in their pepperoni. John immediately made plans to return to SWIL, after his shift ended. Act IV scene i *** Sentience Proof *** By Executive Rule 4, it was decided that Wolf Karpf had, in fact, been to three consecutive SWILMeetings. (I know *I* saw her there... -s) Wolf ducked, and quacked. She also counted in Chinese. Bhadrika claimed that if you didn't understand the significance of Wolf's counting, then your own sentience was in doubt. (This was the same line of reasoning by which Jazz was proved sentient three years ago. -d) The rabble voted her sentient because she's cuter than BC and she's an excuse to steal french fries. scene ii Meanwhile, John realized that he needed to consult A Wise Person (TM) before boldly attacking Rebecca Paul. So he e-mailed the Keeper of the Clue, Arcadia, to find a time when they could meet. Act V scene i *** NonSWILBusiness *** This week's MST3K is episode 513 - The Brain that Wouldn't Die (or The Head that Wouldn't Die, depending on whether you believe the opening or the closing credits). It marks Mike's first appearance on the Satellite of Love, after he helped Gypsy find an escape pod in a box marked 'hamdingers' and send Joel back to earth. The movie demonstrates yet another reason why it is a Bad Idea (TM) to date a mad scientist, as the protagonist of the film preserves his wife's head as a subject for his experiments in large-scale transplants. Wednesday, 7:00 p.m., Trotter 203. Hollis is having a recital on Saturday, October 27th, at 2pm in Lang Concert Hall. Yay, Scottish music and dance! Go, or die. Stone's birthday is coming up. Y'all should find lots of fun presents with which to shower her. She likes Opals and Diamonds, preferably in platinum settings, but she'll take white gold (Wouldn't you like me if I were black? -g) (yes... -s) if necessary. (I'll deliver her the traitor's head on a BEM! -h) (On a BEM? -g) (Well, SPIKE is some other magazine. -h) ( -s) Tomorrow's Enterprise showing will take place at Greylock 301. If you want to watch the Yankees kick butt in post-season baseball, drop by Dartmouth House D3, instead. scene ii After consulting the Keeper of the Clue, John realizes that a plan is Unnecessary for the Plot (TM). He immediately, boldly, and rashly rushes the castle in which Rebecca Paul and her minions are holed up. He is followed by the loyal SWILlies. Everyone engages in a large battle, in which they are all stabbed, poisoned, shot and basically die in many nasty ways. Only the presidents remain. Fortunately, they were given a spoon with their dinner of bread and water (Don't ask *me* -s) and were able to tunnel their way out. Then, they exeunt, pursued by a bear. Dramatis Personae *** The Attendance List of Massacring Pterodactyls -- 10/6/01 *** Nick "My kick-a-poo Cannon will destroy you, Dactyl!" Ward JONATHAN "YOU KNOW, MR. ORC, YOU AND I HAVE A LOT IN COMMON-- LET'S GO DISCUSS OUR PROBLEMS OVER A COUPLE BEERS" SCHNEIDER Steve "Past the expected point of mortality in 1032" Karpf JAZZ Karpf (Was Jazz in the Jazz Band? -h) MARK "CAPITALS DON'T KILL PEOPLE, HYDRAS KILL PEOPLE (AND I'M A HYDRA, SO...), THE ONLY PERSON ALLOWED TO SPEAK IN CAPITALS (GET THE MESSAGE JONATHAN)" HANDLER Qian "Regen" Li Maya Kosowsky JC "Giraut Leones" Ravage -- "Atzfis le Jovent" Ben "snickersnack" Newman ~Elliot "Settler of Catan" Reed (You are a mean and callous person. -s) Kyra "What one thing do all of Larry Hagman, James I of England, Jesus Christ, and Mary Shelley have in common?" Jucovy (Webbed feet? -s) Rachel "Hobgoblin Pride!" Sapiro (Oh, yeah. -g) Katie "Oompa-loompa, shmoopa-loompa" benjamin 'Go Orcs!' r, george (Orc! Orc! -h) & the nameless 'Call me Mortimer Some years ago--Never mind how long precisely...' 'Dactyl (Okay, Mortimer Some years ago. -s) Rebecca "The GRE's suck" Jones John "Spam eggs, sausage and spam!" Finkbiner (So *that's* the advice Arcadia gave him. -d) Amy' "It was just your GRE book" Marinello Robert "why isn't there a 'Dactyl hunt section on the GRE" McFarland Abby "The gods favor chocolate offerings" Friedman BDan "bekilted" Fairchild Wolf "Multiply Sentienced" Karpf Bhadrika "Julie 'Bhadrika' Love" Love *** The Hearts of Gold, Stone, Darkness, and Hearing *** (No pithy comment? -d) (Um. Forsooth! A bear! -s)