(No, really it is, because you just don't want to know about the monkey pants. -g) This theme is going to be all puns on the word "plane" because we were talking about whether or not lines exist, and Stone said she thought lines were infinite, like planes, and Gold paused, and then said, "Oh. That kind of plane." Also, you can fit an infinite amount of puns on a plane. (This theme is also known as "The presidents are stretching." That's right, feel the burn. And 1 and 2 and 1 and... How many SWILNewsi left before we retire? -s) *** SWILBusiness *** The rabble were pathetic. How many pathetic rabble can you fit on a plane? Four. Two in the front, and two in the back. MOVIE NOMINATIONS ARE ON SATURDAY! Think of lots of fun SCIENCE FICTION, FANTASY, and/or ANIME movies to nominate. Or Superman. It's a bird! It's a plane! It's... a movie nomination! (Superman is not a threat. It's a *reward*. -g) You can try to nominate other stuff, but then we'll have to have a really long debate, and it'll suck a lot. Kinda like it always does. Submit to BEM. The speaker committe will be headed by JC. It's plain to see it's going to be an awesome committee. [editor's note: we apologize for the delay in SWILNews writing. It was necessary for the morale of all concerned that we take a hug break.] A guillotine manages to do its work with a deadly plane. (See, 'cause JC's beheading the speaker committee. -s) (Contact him to sign up. -d) Nominate books, you stupid, illiterate people. Books are parallel planes. Or at least, parallel. When stored upright. Shut up. Nick and Qian are in charge of Inaugeration. (Qian asked me to write down ~Elliot's name too, so now I have. -s) We need a plain pun. You know -- nothing fancy. (Although, you know, we should make people who volunteer to do these things feel honored, not suckered. Volunteering for SWIL stuff is just plain fun! -d) (This is all your fault, you know. -s) (Planes? -g) (Yes. -s) (But we didn't do the monkey pants! -d) Sam and BC are DJs for the Kegger. This means there will actually be a Kegger, so some of you have to run it. And when the Kegger actually takes place, Sam and BC will be playin' your favorite hits all night long. By Unnecessary SWILVote, ~Elliot is now official SWIL Butler. And doormat. See ~Elliot buttle. Buttle, ~Elliot, buttle. Again, ~Elliot, again! See ~Elliot's rebuttle. (Plainly, we're ignoring Darkness' comment. -s) (Anyway, the waffle was supposed to say it. -d) (Which is part of why we're IGNORING it. I am NOT dealing with that waffle again. -s) (Well that was just plain unnecessary. -d) (All SWILVotes are unnecessary. -g) This week's movie is Escaflowne. IMDb describes it as: Anime, Science fiction / 2000 -- Based on the TV series in which: Hitomi is a typical high school girl, with typical problems, but when a vision of a young man battling a dragon becomes a reality, her life changes forever. Drawn into a strange vortex with the swordsman, Van, Hitomi is thrust into the strange world of Gaea. Van must learn to master the suit of armor, Escaflowne, before he and Hitomi are crushed by the ambitions of the Empire of Zaibach. (Why would you take a van when you can take a plane? -g) (That's his *name*. -s) *** SWILLottery *** Comma won Putty Do Not Ingest. (The important thing is not to drink thumbtacks. -g) (Oh! Dissect! I thought she said, "I no longer want to bisect." -g) (Bisect? Isn't that illegal? -d) (No, that's vivisection. -s) (No, that's trisection. -g) (It has to do with plane geometry! -g) *** NonSWILBusiness *** Reminder: Harry Potter on Friday. It's not too late to go to the movie, just to dinner. You have to get your own ticket, but Robert and Rebecca are going, and have 2 spots in their car. Or if you can find your own transportation, then show up! (I suggest flying! -s) It's the 10:15 at Granite Run. MST3K this week is episode 522 - Teenage Crime Wave. Wednesday, 7:00 p.m., Trotter 203. If last week's movie made you despair of ever feeling joy again in your short and bleak life, you should go see Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amelie Poulain. If you don't have time to do that, this week's MST3K is more cheerful than last week's was, despite the continuing presence of death and general mayhem. Sweet Jane accidentally stumbles into a criminal gang, and gets swept up in their escape from juvenile hall. The group holds a Midwestern couple hostage, who happen to have a cute (in a clean stoic 1950s sort of way) son, and romance blossoms between the son and Jane. While it is formulaic and trite, this film isn't really that bad, though it's certainly bad enough to be funny. (Are we gonna do a pun here? -s) (Our theme was thin enough to begin with. We can only stretch it so far. -d) (I thought planes were infinite. -s) (You can still stretch the middle. -g) (But if it's already infinitely big, it should cover Escaflowne. Why is it stretching to make a pun here? -s) (I don't have time to ex-plain. -d) Look for the article on SWIL in Thursday's Phoenix. We think it's going to be good. Or at least well researched. Go Ivan! Woo-hoo! (Pun! -s) (Punnsylvania! -d) (Punnsylplania! -g) (I hate you. -s) The Masquerade Ball is on Saturday at 7pm. If you already asked Darkness for an invitation, and he hasn't written back yet, be patient. He's a little slow sometimes. *** The attendance list of crisp cannoli -- 11/10/01 *** Abby "Half a tree's worth of letters!" Friedman (AHAHAHAHAHA! -s) Kyla "a lot." "ups." "la-zers." Tornheim (AHAHAHAHAHAHA! We crack me up. -s) (What is it? -g) (*nsync. -s) Ben "Im ngu Pfnar Pfneleth da" Newman Amy' "Boo!" Marinello (AAAAAAAAAAAH! -s) Qian "I'm so confused! It's never this cold in Connecticut." Qian (He never has a second cup of coffee on our home plane. -g) Nick "Would I eat it on a train? Would I eat it in the rain? I would not, could not..." Ward (How about in Spain? On a plane? -d) "~Sam [(< I resolve to call more people as they walk by phonebooths >)] Crane" benjamin 'stupid boiling water...' r, george ~Elliot "Olympus: 2 Positrons: 0" Reed Rachel "holding up the attendance list" Sapiro (But it doesn't have any money! -d) Katie "Life's a show, and we all play our part... WATCH BUFFY!" McAlister MARK "CAPITALIST PIG" HANDLER JC "Carl Toriedan" Ravage Kyra "visible and smelly thoughts and desires" Jucovy Rebecca "Bubble hater" Paul *A STUCK PIG* Alexander "Oy!" Flurie Lisa "It's not in here" Spitalewitz Jason "Every cloud has a stomach lining" Bronstein (Um. -s) the ghost of Stephen Foster \sqrt{-yak} it keeps running and running.... Ivan "undercover" Boothe Ben "no, really, just Ben" Mitchell BDan "manic-depressive gods have taken control of my life." Fairchild Arcadia "why did my professor have Greylock 301 written on her seminar notepad?" Falcone (I really want to know... -g) Lady of "distracted from distraction by distraction" of Shalott (What? -s) Rebecca "I suport evil with my money (GREs)" Jones Robert "Aparently the description of any physical system can be reduced to one of A, B, C, D, or E" McFarland *** Gold, Stone, and Darkness *** (We need a funny tagline. -s) (Can't we have tagplane instead? -g) (The only thing we have to sphere is sphere itself. -d) (We can be playin' tag! -g) (Agh! Stop! I got the point! -s)