From acbrown @ sccs.swarthmore.edu Wed Nov 2 22:51:00 2005 Date: Wed, 2 Nov 2005 22:23:33 -0500 (EST) From: Andrew C. Brown Reply-To: presidents @ swil.org To: swilnews @ swil.org Subject: The Legendary Lost Swil Newsii Important Dates: NOVEMBER 19: SWILMOVIE NOMINATIONS-Nominate your favorite sci-fi/fantasy movie to be shown next semester! Nothing that has been shown in the past 3 years can be shown. Latest semester possible: Fall 2002. DECEMBER 3: PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATIONS-Nominate anything you want, as long as it won't get moldy. If you want to be president, make sure you're nominated. DECEMBER 10: PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS-Vote vote vote! Vote or we'll kill you! JANUARY 20: INAGURATION-Watch as the (perfectly legitimate) new regime is sworn in, vowing to...well, there isn't a vow, but there IS cake. The Legendary Lost SWILNewsii In early November of 2005, archeologists uncovered two (three?) ancient texts. Working diligently, they deciphered the writing on these to discover that they were long-lost SWILNewsii, believed lost and forgotten forever by the gods known only as Man, Fist, and Curtain. Here, reproduced exactly as they were found, are... THE LEGENDARY LOST SWILNEWSii The First LLSNii Meeting was called to disorder at 12:20. The presidents, unfortunately, were pathetic. Andrew was dead. Saturday Night SWIL, after some debate, was collaging in Greylock at...some point. It was suggested that a Mystery Tour of Swat be held after break (this has apparently been forgotten, as we have found no further references to this event -m) We decided to have SWILoween (founded in '81 according to Jillian) on the 28th, the Friday before the ML Halloween party. Then we decided we should also do something Saturday night in order to get away from ML. There was no SWILMeeting the day after SWILoween (and there was great rejoicing -m) (This is a summary, not a translation. The text actually reads 'wooo!' -m) (Shut up, you -m) (Make me! -m) ('Scuffling') It was determined that Mai has no moral sense. October 17th was not Renfaire (I think. I don't even remember when this meeting was. -m) (Worst...President...Ever -m) Mai wanted a Saturday trip in October (like the 23-24) OR ELSE! I think she got it. We think we wanted to allow people to go to SWIL for the PE credit. I'm confused what this means. Serenity was on...my god, are we this far behind? Around 30 people went to see Serenity. Then break happened, and more people saw Serenity. Then it was now. We suck. Seriously. Just kill us all right now, and vote in our predecessors. I won't struggle. We made swords in ML at 8; it conflicted with SNS, so people coped. Wings were made. The Hunt in general was a success-ish. Stuff happened at the end of the table which was illogical (do you mean the end of the table or the stuff was illogical? -m) (does it matter? I'm leaving this job in a month or two anyway -m) (Actually, you're president until next January -m) (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! -m) If you wanted to help with the Hunt Video, you presumably did so. If you want to know where to find it on the Internet, email flogan1. Then ANDREW ARRIVED! And there was great rejoicing. There was a Hunt Committee meeting after meeting. It rocked. Ish. Monster Orientation was Oct 1 at 6:30 in SCI 101. Hunter orientation was at 7:30. We showed WOSAT (Wizard of Speed and Time, a fun movie) after the hunt. Jackie demanded people post prop in other dorms, possibly leading to people who don't live in ML coming to movie (do people IN ML come to SWIL Movie? -m) There was a list. Presumably, there were enough people on the list to keep Jackie from going on a rampage for another month or so. Apparently Lauren's earring are not acceptable. We determined a sucky random number generator. There were 24 people at meeting, and with the roll of a 6 and a 4, Jackie won tic-tac-toe with her 24, and Jamison got a gerbil treat. And we determined Jamison is a gerbil, even though I didn't count the hands. (I have no idea what this means. I vote we don't let Abby take notes anymore -m) (I don't think this is Abby's fault so much as yours for not writing SWILNews close enough to remember what happened at meeting -m) (Fuck you -m) Lauren wanted more Wink. I think it happened at 9:30 in ML. There was debauchery. People debauched. Also, if you haven't bought your SWILshirt from Lauren, DO IT NOW! She has a box full of shirts, and if you don't buy them, she'll sell them to non-SWILlies, and then we will no longer be elitist snobs, but instead nerds with dumb t-shirts. At 6:20 on the 25th, Sol Weber did rounds in the Friends Meeting House. Mai said it was really awesome (the house, not the roundsing) On October 2, there was a b-day party for Sarah at Bryn Mawr. If you want to know how it was, ask her. There were 2 Civ games during October break. Alex then made us dance for his amusement (I think he has too much power already, and letting his girlfriend become president might only encourage him. Remember, a vote for Eliza is a vote for dancing for Alex's amusement! -This PSA brought to you by -m) Finlay and Lisa and other people went to Corpse Bride at one point. I can't remember when. It was pretty and shiny, but not so much on the character development. Arthur went to Philly, at 3 from Ben West (I don't remember why). He has a radio show at 9 PM on Sundays. Jackis has a show at 4-5 on Sundays with BROADWAY. And that was all, except for the... Attendence List of Where's x[Waldo]x Andrew Jackie "DEATH OF BUNNIES" Werner Sarah "Spartans rock!" Hartman Mary "Green Wootters Lauren "Miles E. Skorpen" Smith Miles "The Red" Skorpen George "Is never here" Dahl Jeff "Sucks" Kaufman George "Orc with a spork" Dahl George "New Troll Here" Dahl Jeff "potato:/pt.../" Kaufman Erik "Person at the table about to fall down" Ellis Eric "#213-wait, you don't know about the conspiracy yet" Astor Revan "Danger" Williams Malcolm "SPOOOOOOOOOOON!" Augat Gregory "The Real Folle Blues*" Robinson Venger "King Bradley" Jamison Jamisonian "I need sleep never again" Vengemonaserson Meggis "S" Lallow Margaret "seven" Corgrift Chris "I am not a number. You're number 3" Jager finlay "I only write on tuesdays" logan Jerome "SWIL meeting is insane" Fung Lauren "yip yip yipyipyipyip" Goodfriend Eliza "Grows another head!" Blair Alex "Crab Claw!" Pshenichkin ... [Stuff I don't want to write right now. Suffice to say, Jamison ends up in flames]... benjamin 'spoit!' r, george Susan "leaves dead spondees on people's pillows to show that I wuv them...purrrr..." Zell Michael "[[User:Miachel_Noda]]" Noda Megan "Let's all be nice to one another" Nelson David "Neither Animal, Vegetable, or Mineral!" Benitez Marie "Katharine" Cosgrove-Davies Mike "\n" Karcher Mary "Catherine" Wootters Emmanuelle ":) [does not do justice to the doodle]" Wambach Matt "of the uber" Fowles Slimy "kept alive by click and clak" thunder finlay "schtuff to do" logan The SECOND LEGENDARY LOST SWILNEWS This meeting took place on the 22nd of October. There are legends of another SWILNews, one lost within the dark recesses of the legendary nation of Jill Iansro Om, but frankly, I think it's a crock. The rabble were sucky. SWILoween was Friday, October 28. It was in the WRC at 8 (it was supposed to start at 7:30 but women don't like giving us keys to the WRC.) until noon tomorrow. ... Apparently, I've been missing one hell of a party. Jillian's cookies-on-a-stick were cruelly (but humorously) stolen. People had to pay Arthur for eating at SWILoween. If you ate at SWILoween, you are subject to the Evil Economist powers, and owe him $5. Graffitti marks the tome at this point, indicating that the orcs think Abby suks!!! and they also believe Finlay's evol!!! Ben Newman told us there was a Dragon Hunt at Brandeis, so he wanted us to loan him stuff. We have to check with the college to see if we CAN, as we bought the supplies with their money. There are three very special meetings before the end of the semester (the meeting where Greg gets drunk at a party and almost dies in a car accident, the meeting where Arthur finally loses his virginity, only to discover it's not all it's cracked up to be, and the one where Susan discovers that drugs aren't cool -m) On November 19, we will have MOVIE NOMINATIONS. If you want us to show a movie next semester, suggest it at the meeting (or, if you won't make it to that meeting, e-mail the presidents). On December 3, we will have PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATIONS. You cannot legitimately nominate something that is/will go moldy. If you plan to run for president, you should attend this meeting, just to make sure you're on the ballot. On Deceomber 10, we will have PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS. Here, the nominees that plan to run will state their platforms, and we will VOTE. There may or may not be a humorous poster with ML and campus and everywhere else labeled in red, blue, green, orange, yellow, black, octarine, and plaid. Next year, on January 20, 2006, there will be PRESIDENTIAL INAGURATION, probably in Bond. The next day will be the presidents' first meeting. I will be ready to make it a living nightmare. If anyone wants to filk Unreality Warp so it makes sense, you will get a purity point, and we will sing it. Jackie got 10 pts for referencing Beowulf. If Jackie becomes president, the posts of miniprop and librarian will be open. Only Andrew wants to be miniprop so don't ask for it or he'll kill you. We made him a freshman so he could take the post; if you had hooked up with him before SWILoween, there would have been purity points all around as you would have swooped him. There is also the job of Custodian of George (who's the Legal Guardian of George?), and Treasurer, which even Jamsion abandoned for being a job requiring delving into the pits of madness (2nd floor of Tarble). Apparently, Jackie is Finlay's joel! The traidition lives! Rocky Horror went well. It will probably occur again next year. Or semester. Or month. Sarah won the lottery. She chose the mystery bag and got a freaky pumpkin 'clicker licker'. NSBusiness Emmanuelle showed Sleepy Hollow. Finlay wanted other people to go to an exhibition on comic books at 4017 Walnut Street on magical realism. If anyone went, tell us how it was. Noda's mom visited, so he made chili for her birthday. I assume it was delicious (except for the beef). Although Abby is old, she's carrying Elliot's love child, and that cures all wounds. The MLoween party was last Saturday. It made me sad :( We had gaming in Parrish Parlors to combat the debauchery. We had no SWILMeeting the Saturday after SWILoween. Apparently, Michael Cohen had a halloween party in his house the night of MLoween. Arthur knew about it. And finally, Finlay wanted a $700 coat b/c she loved it. The Attendence List of George "Attendence List" Dahl Michael "A Grazing Mace" Noda Alex "Neurotoxin is 'non-lethal'...yeah, sure, Deus Ex, whatever you say!" Pshenichkin Eliza "Spoooooooky Ninja" Blair Miles "E" Skorpen Darth Urchu David "Pumpkin" Pipkin finlay "doo be doo doo" logan Abby "DOINK DOINK" Friedman Sarah "Spartans rock!" Hartman Greg "Asteroid Blues" Robinson Mike "Give me 3 weeks and I'll like math again" Karcher Squiggle "Peanut Noodles Are Too Sweet" Jamison George "Attendance" Jamison Dahl "Venger" Jamison Venger Jamison XI His Holiness Pope Gregory X-2, Lich-King of Rome Abigail "I kind of like peanut noodles" Graber Jackie "Peanut noodles are delicious, man" Werner [She's obviously deranged -m] Jerome "4th species" Fung David "Sleepy oh so sleepy" Kornfilt -Mai "70% of a superhero" Pucik, Jillian "40% of a gypsy" Waldman, and Andrew "10% of a woman" Brown The Ironic Presidency