******************************
SUMMARY

SWIL BUSINESS
-There were monster signups. If you weren't at meeting, email 
hunt.wizards at gmail.com with your first three monster choices, your 
class year, and your previous hunt experience to sign up.
-The Hunt is still happening on October 6th. Monsters show up early to 
psych up, probably around 6:30.
-For more information about the hunt monsters than you could possibly 
ever need, check out wiki.swil.org
-If you're potentially interested in helping Finlay with any new hunt 
video filming that needs to be done, email her at flogan1
-This week's movie is the original Stepford Wives at 10 on Monday in the 
SCCS video pit
-Submit to BEM!
-If you want the SWIL website to have a link to your personal site, send 
the url to webmaster at swil.org
-Next week's SNS will be collaging somewhere. Come and paste things 
together. The week after will be parlour gaming
-There's a trip to the PA RenFaire on Sunday the 24th. Email jkaufma1 if 
you want a seat
-SWILoween is scheduled for Friday October 27th (the day that isn't the 
ML murder mystery dinner). Herbert is organizing it, so talk to her if 
you want to help decorate, make/buy food, or plan/run a party game. And 
start thinking about costumes! :)
-PhilCon, the big PA sci-fi convention, is happening in November (we 
think). There's a student rate for anyone under 25 which you don't need 
to preorder. More planning will occur closer to the event.
-Reunion is still happening the weekend of October 6th, but Chaos says 
they won't need any dorm hosts
-Anyone who has now been to three consecutive meetings is eligible to 
prove their sentience!
-We voted to give Jackie the title of Proxy Server since she always 
brings proxies to meeting
-We voted in favor of ticky-boxes
-Jamison won the lottery (see below)

NON-SWIL BUSINESS

-Emmanuelle wants to show Rocky Horror eventually, and there ensued a 
discussion of the legal issues of doing this
-Capoeira is every Saturday and Sunday. Mendez is in charge, ask him for 
the times since the scribe didn't write it down
-Herbert wants to have a marathon showing of the I, Claudius miniseries. 
It involves Derek Jacobi and Patrick Stewart being evil.
********************************


The Sword of the King of the Crown of the Wood of the Wizards of the 
Wood of the Eastern Kingdom of Shadow of SWILNews #2 (what's the 
acronym? there's always an acronym -n skcwwwwwwwwwwuuuuh -p) (ooh! if 
it's a bad fantasy novel, everyone can have magic powers and 
blue...noses -r)

by Ninja, Pirate, and Robot

PROLOGUE

Light shone for the first time upon the newly created shores of 
Swarthmorea, and the Goddess (who should the goddess be? -p ben newman 
-r don't kill us! we love you! -p) smiled upon the face of Terrus, the 
earth. As the first beings came into being, they lived in the bountiful 
country of this land, and knew no want. All over the land, humble 
peasant villages and majestic cities arose, and all citizens worked 
together for the good of all (we <3 communism -r). There was Beauty, and 
Truth, and Order in all things.

And the Goddess looked upon this land and said, "This is boring." And 
from Truth there arose Truthiness, and from Beauty the thing that isn't 
Beauty, and from Order, Disorder. And a multitude of the Heavenly host 
echoed, "Blahbleahblah, verily." And SWIL was given dominion over the 
disorder, and they said, from the depths of their souls, "w00t!" Thus 
began a new disorderly age in the once-great Swarthmorea.

(i can hear! i can HEAR! -n          ? -r           . -p :( -n)

CHAPTER ONE

The small child cut a comical figure as she wobbled along the twisted 
lanes of the village, oversized sandals flip-flopping as she made her 
way to the Hall of the Elders. Avoiding the fish heads left over from 
yesterday's catch, she trundled along the familiar path that led through 
the tumble-down houses by the coast.

The elders had summoned her early this morning. Her parents had thrust 
her clothes at her and sent her on her way before the sun was fully up. 
As she ascended the stairs to the imposing building, the only stone one 
in the entire village, she was afraid.

A silent guard led her from the door through many winding corridors to a 
large audience chamber. At the far end of the room, raised up on a 
marble dais, were three hooded figures wearing red cloaks. The child 
fought to keep her legs from trembling, and did not make a sound.

"Do you know why you are here, child?" asked the first figure. It was a 
woman's voice.
"No...ma'am," she answered.
The second figure, this one a man, spoke. "You have been entrusted with 
a great task. You will be sent to the Monastery of Three Stones to train 
as a priestess of Og."
"But, why me?"
"It is the wish of Og that this should be so," said the third figure. 
"Tomorrow at dawn a guide will be at your home to take you there."
"You will bring great honor to our village as a priestess, and you will 
go with our blessing," said the woman. "Now, go."

The child hurried home not knowing what to think. In order to get on 
with the plot, we're going to skip her lengthy reflections and 
soul-searching interior monologues, and move along to the next morning.

CHAPTER TWO

The ride to the monastery was long and hard. They traveled over hills 
and through forests. Her guide never spoke except to warn her of rabbit 
holes (that's another story -r).

When they finally arrived, the child was shown to her own small cell 
where she waited for the rest of the day. At dusk, a girl not much older 
than herself came and led her through one hall after another until they 
came to the Chamber of Og, where the high priests of Og performed the 
rites in his honor.

"Welcome, child," said the tallest of the priests. "You are to become a 
priestess of Og in accordance with his wishes. Before you can be 
dedicated in his service, you must first complete a year of novitiate 
and then go on a quest to retrieve the Sword of Kings, an artifact 
sacred to his memory that has long been lost to us. He has spoken to us 
and said that you are the one who shall return it to him."
"I...don't understand...why has Og honored me this way?"
"Thank you for agreeing. You will be shown back to your cell. An 
initiate will come for you each morning."

CHAPTER THREE

Six months passed and the child progressed in her training, growing from 
a child into a slightly larger child. One day as she was reading one of 
Og's sacred texts a girl ran up to her. "You must come quickly!" she said.

The child went to the main hall of the Monastery where a man lay on the 
floor, bleeding from a wound in his head. "You must...return...home," he 
gasped. "Pterodactyls...came. They killed...everyone...gaaaugh. Help us, 
small child. You're our only...haack...hope...." With those words, he 
expired. (don't go, small child! it's a trap! -npr)

The small child, happy to be getting out of the incredibly boring (if 
somewhat empowering) monastery, said "righty-o!" and ran to get her bag. 
The priestesses looked on, knowing there was no way they could stand in 
the way of her destiny.

CHAPTER FOUR

The wide-eyed smallish child ran from the main gates and into the forest 
that surrounded the monastery. She almost immediately ran into Jamison 
Bombadil, who was tromping through the woods, singing a merry song.

"Hi, ho, springtime, kissing young maidens on a May morning!...Oh! 
Excuse me! I was just tromping through the woods here. No cats allowed, 
don't you know. Well, I must be off."
The child watched him go on his way. She continued down the mountain. 
She only stopped once to look behind her, and thought that she saw 
clouds of smoke rising up above the now-distant monastery.

(does she have any weapons at all? -r she has her indomitable spirit -p 
and her innocence -n i think that innocence will be gone once she gets 
to the great bem -p wait, does that mean we won't have a scene with her 
submitting to bem? well, i guess it's too early in the morning for porn -r)

A rustling in the shrubbery caught her attention. Drawing herself behind 
a tree, she tried to remain unseen while discovering the source of the 
noise. A brutal, yet cunning hand was clamped across her mouth. "Make no 
noise. Me got U." It was a gruesome Hobgoblin who had been out looking 
for the cunning, yet brutal Orc party.
The child was taken by her captor back to his camp. They kept her locked 
up and would infequently throw her packets of fish and chips. For want 
of anything better to do, she started tearing up the leftover newspaper 
to make collages. On Saturday night, the Hobgoblin who brought her her 
dinner noticed and was greatly impressed. "Make pretty thing! Show 
Muffin how to do it?" Soon all the Hobgoblins were pasting together 
amusing snippets of text and pictures, and in return for her creativity 
they let the child go free.

CHAPTER FIVE

The child did not even bother returning to her village. Instead, she 
headed towards Langville, the largest town she knew of. It was Monday by 
the time she got there.

The streets were filled with all sorts of people. Squires rushed this 
way and that picking up stray weapons and returning them to the 
armories. An Oracle stood at a crossroads and answered questions for all 
those who could get past her guard. A roving band of hard-shelled turles 
patrolled the street, staring down anyone who got too close. The 
sinister elite guards of the Pterodactyls' army lurked in corners. It 
was loud, and dirty, and very exciting. She decided to explore before 
trying to find someone who knew where she could look for the Sword of Kings.

One window was flickering with multicolored light. She looked inside and 
found rows of people staring at a moving picture! She was mesmerized.
"What is this?" she asked the nearest person.
"This is a film called the Stepford Wives. Could you please be quiet so 
I can watch?"

Next she was attracted by the sound of cursing and yelling from an 
upstairs window. She climbed a staircase to see a girl shaking her fist 
at a smaller screen.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"I'm preparing a documentary about the vile Pterodactyls, and everything 
is going wrong." She offered her a clipboard. "Write your name here if 
you want to help me with it later on."
The child backed away slowly, leaving the girl to her work.

When she got outside, she saw a group of strangely-dressed people 
getting on a bus. They were all wearing blue pants and strange hats that 
only had a brim on one side. Their faces were covered by reflective glasses.
Apprehensive, she asked the leader, a tall man with curly hair, where 
they were going. "We're going to the FutureFaire to learn about pirates! 
We have an extra seat if you want to come."
The child had no money for a seat, but the FutureFaire travelers took to 
her so well that they didn't mind. She got on the bus and off they went.

CHAPTER SIX

The bus traveled on its way. At noon they stopped to get gas and 
Cheetos. The child was standing by herself near a gas pump when she 
heard a voice by her ear.
"You are on a quest," it said. "You seek something."
The child was startled. "Yes!" she said. "How did you know?"
"Everyone is seeking something," the voice said. "We know how to help 
you. Follow me."
The child turned to look for the speaker, but only saw flashes of light. 
"This way!" She followed the light as it led her away from the highway 
and into the dark woods.

As soon as they reached the forest, there was a blinding light and 
Princess Herbert of the Fairie Folk stood before her, surrounded by a 
score of her followers. "Ha ha ha ha!" she said. "You foolish mortal! 
You are now our captive! Come! Take her away to the Wee Resource Center! 
There she will play our games for the rest of eternity!"
The child was saddened, knowing that if the fairies kept her forever 
that there was no way she would find the Sword and fulfill her promise 
to Og and her village. She tried her best to radiate innocence and 
purity of heart, but the wicked Fairies didn't care. They spirited her 
away to their castle and played games with her from sundown to sunup.

Once a month they would allow her to wander forth and gather 
wildflowers. On one such day, she and her guard wandered too far, and 
came upon a large nest with several huge eggs. As they watched, the eggs 
seemed to rock back and forth, and gradually cracks began to appear in 
their surfaces.
The fairy knew no fear, but the by-now-rather-quite-large-indeed child 
was scared and hid behind a bush. She watched as first a beak, then a 
head, then wings emerged, and an adorable newborn Spondee stood blinking 
in the light.
"Wark! Wark?" said the Spondee. The child was charmed, but did not move. 
The wicked Fairie, thinking that he could kill it and bring it home for 
supper, advanced towards it slowly, drawing his knife. Before the child 
knew what had happened, there was a flutter and a scream and the fairie 
was lying in pieces on the ground.

She left while the Spondee was otherwise engaged and ran into the woods, 
not knowing which way she was going.

CHAPTER SEVEN

She ran through the woods for days and days, stopping only occasionally 
to rest or eat. Her one thought was to find the Sword of the Kings as Og 
had commanded and to use it to avenge her village against the Pterodactyls.

When she thought she could go no further, a voice spoke to her in her 
head, and said, "I am Og. Have no fear."
Terrified, she could only answer, "Really? Are you really Og?"
"Yes," it answered, peevishly. "And do you want help or not?"
"Of course, of course!" she said quickly. "It's just that it's hard to 
believe that the end of this story is in sight after all this time. I'm 
sure you understand."
The voice of Og grumbled. "You must travel a little further to find the 
sword. Go straight to the edge of the forest. Then go East, then North, 
then East, then West, then North. Then go inside, down the stairs, and 
open the doors. There you will find the sword."

The exhausted child stumbled onward, following Og's instructions 
exactly. She ended up in front of a building that looked like a ski 
lodge, perched on a hill. As she stood before its doors, a figure burst 
forth from them, holding aloft a gleaming sword, the very metal emitting 
screams of triumph.

"I WON! I WON! I WON THE SWORD OF THE KINGS!" It was Jamison Bombadil, 
who had gotten to the sword first. "Take that fairly large child! I 
burned down your monastery and now I've stolen your prize! I WIN!!!!"

Stupefied, the child sank to her knees on the flagstones. She had 
failed. She had failed Og and her family and the village Elders.
Luckily, this feeling of worthlessness didn't last long. At that moment, 
as she lay there, a shadow crossed over the land of Swarthmorea, and the 
dreaded Pterodactyls flew down and ate her and everyone else nearby.

THE END

My Other Attendance List Is A TARDIS

Andrew "My other dorm is Willets" Conforti Brown
Anna "Not aware enough to think of a nickname" Melton
Jessica "You probably know me by my screenname" Blucher
Margaret "King of the dragons" Cosgriff
Rebecca "****" Goldman
Herbert "President of Various Disposable Minions, Inc." Tanzer
Emmanuelle "Bio Kills My Soul!" Wambach (i hear ya -p)
Elizabeth "My other nickname is creative" Wesson
Eric "Run away, run away!" Holzhauer
Eric "There can never be just one" Mulligan
Venger "Whose house?  ROBOT HOUSE" Jamison (ROBOT HOOOOUSE! *shakes 
fist* -n does robot house have a limp and a cane? -p NO HE HAS ROCKET 
BOOTS -n)
George "Dahl" Amheremison
Megan "Curtains! Curtains!" Nelson
Meggie "Malcolm "Revan "Laziest Hunt Wizard ever" Williams" Augat" Ladlow
Marissa "*blink*" Roque
Katie "I percieve of being a tree" Love-Cooksey
Mike "David Tennant (10th Doctor) is fan-freaking-tastic" Karcher (2nd 
doctor pwns -p) (but the 8th is cutest -r)
Colin "I have 24 nicknames.  So I can't choose" Schimmelfing
Andrew "I'm a newt, not a FISH!" VanBuren (well, i own a large stuffed 
sturgeon and not a large stuffed newt -p)
Scott "Ineluctable modality of the visible" Shearouse
Jaymes "I got killed by a munchkin" Columbo
James "WE'Z ALL GREEN!" Mendez Hodes
BDan "My other secret base is a postbox" Fairchild
Finlay "dead-eye shot shooting" Logan
David "My proxy comes from the free table, and I can see why" 
Chudhowthehelldoyouspellyourname?
Jackie "This time next week, I shall be kidnapping a Mountie (or 
learning about Robert Schumann)" Werner