Date: Thu, 17 Nov 1994 15:02:58 -0500 To: _swat.org.swil @ cc.swarthmore.edu From: ltsina1 @ cc.swarthmore.edu (Lesley Tsina) X-Sender: ltsina1 @ cc.swarthmore.edu (Unverified) Subject: "He must have had an inordinate fondness for beetles and SWILnews #9" So the big news is that this weekend is PHILCON. This of course is the big news because both the people writing this are going to PHILCON, and we're all in a tizzy about it. So tell me, should I wear the lavender chemise or the studded leather frock? [Guess who's writing this bit. -L or TG] So anyway we plan to eventually get to PHILCON via many wonderful drivers who have not only offered to drive to and fro said event, but have also offered shuttle service every half hour around-the-clock for those of us who don't really feel like making it for any pre-ordained time or place. In all seriousness, I'd like to discuss the schedule but that is really too vastly complex for anyone but jere7my to truly comprehend. As far as I know most people will leave from the fieldhouse and get back around Sunday sometime. There will be food, folks and sleeping bags, a gaggle of games and much Magic mayhem! If you haven't said anything to anyone and have 35$ and an urge to really annoy jere7my who probably shouldn't be annoyed send a note to him saying you want to go and ask if there's any way you could get there from 2 to 5:30 am both Friday and Saturday nights. Thanks guys! In further SWILnews, and there is a lot of it since for once TG's list o' notes is longer than the attendance list, there was mention of elections at the last meeting. Now before you go and get all excited, let me just remind you that there is no greater responsibility than keeping in check the smooth, well-oiled but cantankerous machine that is SWIL. Yes sir, forty two thousand intricate elements go into the production of this here SWILnews that you are reading just now. (Begin film clip, establishing shots of Parrish and Danawell move in to closeup of Hallowell basement. The window on the left is buzzing with activity and strange men with handcarts are seen delivering mysterious packages from unmarked trucks to its occupants ) Yup, you youngsters may think it's a walk in the park but I tell ya, it's a jungle out there! (stock footage of jungle) Just look at jere7my, a once glorious if somewhat silly man who's been reduced by his time in office to a gibbering gibbon. (stock footage of gibbons with jere7my's picture superimposed on top, Marlin Perkins smiles and points.) The politicking is scheduled for next month, and although it may interfere with proper digestion of turkey, nominations will be the first weekend after we get back, the first weekend in December, in the usual place (shots of the former Parrish Annex site) at the usual time with the usual folks attending (stock footage of gibbons). The following weekend will be both platforms and elections. This will probably be one of the longer meetings of the semester so prepare acordingly (stock footage of gibbons asleep with voice over of Dukakis speeches). Also, as mentioned at the last meeting, elections are one of the only really necessary SWILvotes, and hence all you members out there will want to be getting in your necessary attendance and proving sentience by the second weekend in December. We have yet to get a verdict on whether a fully licensed meeting of SWIL will occur at PHILCON. For those of you around here this weekend, there WILL be a regular SWIL meeting with representative, life-like, stand-ins for L and TG in case niether of us can make it. The committee consists of Julianna, Charles, Geoff, and Andrea, a.k.a. the Gang of Four. (stock footage of four beligerent gibbons with little red books) So make sure you get yourself dismembered if you haven't already. (stock footage of, you guessed it, pieces of gibbons.) [we don't have that kind of smut in our immense vaults of footage! -L][OK, someone dispatch Josh to the crum to get some footage of dead gibbons pronto! -TG] DISCLAIMER-- TG blew it (stock footage of ...) [oh for pete's sake STOP that! -TG] last week and left Stephanie off the attendance list. Our great apologies for this terrible oversight. It won't happen again. There has been talk of moviefesting sometime later this semester. For one thing, the space people don't seem to like us so we are now going to simply try to get a single big night sometime during reading week as well as some form of movie-type fun over Thanksgiving for those who are around. Also, during reading week, or reading weekend for you sticklers, or finals week for those who only have one pass/fail final [mu hah hah hah! -TG], there was talk of having a reading of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. The idea being to read the whole thing out loud as a group and see who survives. Actually, several people did this with Joyce's Ulysses last year and most of them are still functioning although some escaped to Scotland and others have been suffering slightly from the strain of daily life (stock footage of gibbons with Dan Heider's face superimposed over one of them.) (stock footage of Lesley Tsina throwing Don Lehr off of this chair.)[Alright, where's the camerman? -TG] "I have no interest in the military for anything other than medical purposes" -Megan Hallam Megan, quoting from her newly published autobiography "Where Have All the Gibbons Gone?". For more information on this phenomenal cult sensation, tune in this weekend where Ms. Hallam will entertain guests and may be showing several exciting bits of film noir at her palacial pad in swank Danawell. According to sources movies will be shown Saturday night, but talk to Megan as this may simply be damaging gossip spread by agents of Satan. Oooh! Megan, who seemed to have all the good lines this week was also heard to have agreed to take on the mantle of T-shirt maven for next year. When asked about this huge responsiblilty and the process that went into her decision, she stated simply "he wasn't usually a hot dog when I saw him." Besh, current shirt maven, remarks that there will be enough shirts for those who wanted to purchase them this year for the princely sum of one thousand pennies. When asked about the chance of reprints she looked sheepish and muttered something about the viability of expansion now that the unified European common market has exceeded all previous fiscal expectations. Whatever. With all that said and done we will move to non-SWILbusiness: First, a complex plot to undermine the foundations of all moral fiber in this country was suggested. Plan X78-4I for the undermining of all Moral Fiber in this country: 1. Everybody should join SWAPA this month. 2. Illuminati Gaming could take place with jere7my at 8:00 last Saturday while Brad is out. (wink,wink, say no MORE) 3. A collection will be taken up to buy Ben an inflatable doll to talk to on Saturday nights. 4. There will be an analysis by a formidible gathering of pundits of the lickable characteristics of Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, and Christian Slater. [Mmmm. -TG] Secondly, we cut a deal to trade Larry to Cincinnati for the rockin' band known as the Ass Ponys, but the deal fell through when it was discovered that Larry has a weaker bass riff. Thirdly, there are several people up for dismemberment if they attend their third consecutive meeting this week, including Megan Hallam, Sarah Piatt and anyone else who's been to the last two and still has all of their appendages. Finally, while TG sits and entertains himself by playing with his belt I'll just start typing the ATTENDANCE 11-12-94 Ben "Havercon is for losers" Williams [Hence our failure to mention it in the SWILnews. -TG], Dan "I refuse to write something clever" Eisenbud [Oh what a clever little monkey! -TG], Elizabeth "First a flamingo, now a canard. I still don't understand." Weber [It all has something to do with gibbons. -TG], Josh "Heapify room" Burdick [I don't thinkI have a comment for the word 'heapify'. -TG], Joel "I am not me today yet." McNary [I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together, goo goo ca choob. -TG], Sarah "If it's pointless, let's do it." Piatt [But if it's pointless then it's dull. -TG], Geoff "1830" Noer [For a good time call 328-1830 or maybe 690-4428. -TG] [This being the juvenile delinquent issue of the SWILnews. -L], Elizabeth "Goatherd" Christian [Well next time keep it quieter out there in the barn! -TG], Julianna "I just came to visit my grandfather " Patrick [But why are you looking into my cereal? -L] [I often have wondered if they would really use any ingredients you wanted in the omelettes. -TG], Megan "Fuck you! You come out here and live my life !" Hallam [No comment. -L & TG], Aaron "Critiquing the totalizing metanarrative" Hertzmann [I like it. It's got a beat I can dance to. -TG], Stephanie "Please don't leave me off the attenda, Colin "this is a what" Schatz [And a nice what at that. -TG], Melissa "Crusader of the Lost Wombat" Binde [Don, totally stymied at this one, recommences his gibbering. (stock footage of wombats) -L] Jeremy "Hi. I'm Jeremy" Hi. I'm Jeremy" Hi. I'm Jeremy" Hi. I'm Jeremy "In search of the lost attendance list." Dilatush." Dilatush." Dilatush." Dilatush." Dilatush." [Do "something" like "that" again "and" I "will" kill "you." -TG TG TG TG TG], Andrea "My coconut cake has strata" Hall [My strativarius has coconut cake. Two great tastes that tate great together. -TG], Kendra "And then, if we never died, we'd have to buy a lot of pants" Eshleman [yeah! -L][I've heard the Gap is working on a youth serum for just this reason. Read it in the Enquirer, yup, uh huh. -TG], jere7my "Charles" this " is " a " nested " statement """""danforth " tho?rpe [Oh great, now they're nesting together. Well, I'm not going to be the one to tell Kendra. -TG] [yeah! -L] -Literature & The Grotesque