Date: Thu, 5 Oct 1995 00:38:35 -0400 Subject: Use finely crushed CHEEZ-IT as a change of pace coating for chicken or SWILnews #4 First of all, here is an interesting thing developed by a very wise philosophy major one night when he should have been writing a very late SWILnews: If one is thirsty from eating CHEEZ-ITs all evening, it is almost entirely unhelpful to continue eating CHEEZ-ITs until your tongue turns a sickly yellow and they start to taste rancid, and your fingers have dyed the keyboard orange and your clogged sinuses have begun to clear from the nauseating pseudo-cheddar smell wafting upwards from the nearly empty box. All right, so now that we have that out in the open we can proceed... although, if I had my druthers I probably would throw my vote in with Cheese Nips. Now, I'll admit that you get a few more CHEEZ-ITs for your dollar, but I think that only goes to show that Cheese Nips put that extra .2% effort into their quality that just might make them the better product. After all, how many of us haven't sat back during a tedious logic class and thought how nice it would be if there was a little chute that would produce a tasty, cheesy treat every time you correctly translated a sentence with an if-then clause. Hmmm... not a bad notion. Perhaps I will try this little experiment myself... If I were going to start the SWILbusiness section then I would have to say... SWILbusiness: [Yum! -TGP] This week, or rather some week recently [time has become rather amorphous around SWILnews central... -TGP] a monster list was produced for the Pterodactyl Hunt. Most positions have been filled, although we still need orcs, hobgoblins and maybe a troll. Remember, although they are enslaved to tyranical monarchs, the feudal orcish and hobgoblin society peasants are still in better shape then either the alienated proletariat or the belabored Swat senior. [or even worse, the belabored, alienated, proletarian Swat senior -J] So sign up for that position of subservience that that masochist in you has always dreamed of. And remember, the best way to validate your own existence as an orc is to encounter the Other, so go on out there and recruit your friends! The Hunt will be taking place on November 3rd, so wear something warm, kiddies. If I wished to continue this SWILnews, then I would need to mention RenFaire... [Mmmm. -TGP] Attention: RenFaire has been cancelled. However, out of the Kindness of his heart, our own Ben Williams has offered to stand in and so we will be attending the Pennsylvania BenFaire in a couple of weeks. On October 7, folk shall gather at 9 hours of the clock to journey via firey chariot to the great anon or NorthWestern Pennsylvania to partake in the festivities of BenFaire. Remember that Lord Sam has tickets and those properly attired will recieve a further recompense by way of discount. Lady Andrea, a goodly wench, has a list of fine persons, those brave enough to embark on the quest. The Giant Peach, while happy to do a poor version of ye noble "shire speak" will none-the-less be unable to attend for he is too likely to purchase some fearsome, steely object and thus drain yon trusty bank account. Next topic up for discussion was the SWIL Video Library, soon to be the pride and joy of our fleet [...our veritable armada, even! -J] of bibliophilic resources. While it is questionable whether bibliophilic is really a word, there is no doubt that something is going to happen involving SWIL and videos since Fred Bush has begun collecting money and he is hardly the sort of person who would use it for naughty things. True, several members of SWIL might be more interested in seeing Fred do naughty things then seeing the institution of a video library, but that isto be found neither here nor there. This semester movie night has been going strong with staggering attendance by, eep, non-SWIL folk. Yes, the rumors are true. People wholly unaffiliated with SWIL have been showing up in Kirby on Monday nights, and while they often claim to be looking for a bio lab or some such excuse, they then stay and watch the movie. This week we showed the Last Unicorn and next week will be Time Bandits. Due to a rift in the space-time continuum, I know that the movie after that will be Tankgirl and that O.J. will get off scot free. A couple of topics mentioned only in passing... 1. the newly revived SWIL board is doing fine and should be up and about as soon as the casts come off. all manner of things are sometimes posted there so check it out if you're wandering around parrish with nothing to do. don't all go at once though, it annoys the nurses. 2. birdwainer, the bright spot of hope in the otherwise dismal science library, is currently undergoing work as kendra supervises the second phase of the kohlberg renovation. although less documented then the hall,formerly known as parrish annex, kendra assures us that all is well. she is still a bit vague as to how she convinced several of the construction workers to help out SWIL, but we don't want to ask too many questions now do we? larry schall will probably be producing a status report shortly. Also, another fun SWIL event, the SWIL Halloween party has begun to enter into planning. Jeremy has been put in charge and has spent several long nights in Sproul Observatory contacting the space people with our requests. While some suggested we aim high, such as Norway, we are instead going for Sharples 3 which wins out over Norway in two major ways. Firstly, it is slightly cheaper, and secondly, Erik Rosolowsky has offered to write the words "Don't Panic" in large friendly letters on the door (diplomatic clearance for this in Norway would be exceedingly difficult, even for the space people). If I have finished with the SWILbusiness then it must be time for... Non-SWILbusiness: [gee, these things sure are addictive! -TGP] There was the usual talk about television and this week premiered the finest yet to show this season, Space: Above and Beyond. For further discussion of this wonderfully bad show check out the _swat.org.swil or just watch it at 7 pm on Sundays. Also, Wallace and Gromit were again witnessed, and will be shown soon accompanying a SWIL movie. This week will also be the Magic Draft for all those of you who care. Mind you, this won't be something you want to miss, as several educated Swarthmore students shall spend several hours coveting each others' pieces of cardboard. Also, James wants toasters. Really. Don't ask why, it's a theatre thing. If there is nothing left to say, then... Attendance: (9/23/95) [ok, now i've got to find something to drink! -TGP] Jessica "Of _course_ John Updike has psoriasis" Harbour, Greg Ingber = The Big Problem = Let it be, [42=The Big Solution=Rubber Soul -TGP] Larry "I _Always_ practice safe sax!" Miller, Stephanie "SETH" Yes, we _do_ behave in public" Dyrkacz "WEIDNER", Joel "Dactyl Guard Lives! or is born? Dies." McNary, Sarah "Meow-ow!" Piatt, Jeremy "Not, I repeat, _not_ a pregnant woman" Dilatush, Audrey "I couldn't find my roommate for lunch and look where I ended up" Walton-Hadlock, [Serves you right for trying to eat your roommate! -TGP] Alice "Well, my hair was blue." Unger, Erik "{Vampires}/\{all things cute and cuddly} = 0, jere7my "Quis custodiet ipsos canes?" tho?rpe, Kendra "Growe and show me you still care" Eshleman, Ben "it's BACON" Williams, [bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, BACON!!! -TGP] Dave "ego custodio ipsos caves." Mimno, Snibor "" Eoj, Megan "But Steph, I =WANT= to be the siren!" Hallam, Jim "[Strange yet somehow suggestive runic pattern]" Moskowitz, Fred "I really want to go to Mars now. Then again, maybe I already am" Bush, Ben "What the Hell did I just volunteer myself for?" Fritz, Ross "The Tick?" Dickson, Andrea "V is for vicuna. X is for ibex. N is for numbat." Hall, [P is for Psalm. -TGP] Daniel "They took away the food on me!" Eisenbud, [at least they left a couple stains. -TGP] -James & The Giant Peach