Date: Sun, 15 Oct 1995 19:33:02 -0400 Subject: Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines, or when you think you're gonna die? Or did you long for the next SWILnews #5? Well, here it is. Against all odds we are sending you another bothersome e-mail that's way too long for its own good. Don't worry, we're not going to make this a habit. After all, even we have a tolerance level for meaningless electronic blather but for now... THIS WEEK'S SWILnews!!! James has stepped out for a moment leaving me with a warmly lit room, a computer, and Alanis Morissette playing on the stereo. Yup, some might call this bliss, some might call it heaven. I call it gut-wrenchingly awful, but then again, I don't really want to know whether she'd go down in you in a theatre. When I go to a movie I want to watch the flick. I really don't want to have to think about what might be going on in the row behind me while I watch Antonio Banderas plug some guy sixteen times in slow motion. That's a bit off topic, but obviously I felt it was an important point and having made it I really think we're all better for it. Yes yes, you might say, we all know the value of dialogue, but isn't it more important to fulfill the goal at hand in as expedient a manner as possible. This, of course, is the brutally utilitarian view of SWIL publication. Alarmingly, this faction has been growing stronger every day while those traditionalists like myself find ourselves outnumbered. Bring back the days of the catagorical i when a person didn't have to be afraid to care a bit about the people rather than the end goal. If elected I promise to put the geist back into SWIL and truncheon anyone who feels differently, vote for me, the people candidate. Hmm, I seem to have strayed again. I wonder where James is. I wonder what she'd think about this. I wonder what Antonio Banderas is getting paid to play opposite Sly in this new Assassins flick. I wonder who I can convince to take me to see it. I wonder what wonderful wonders wandered whither wednesday. ahem--James has arrived, bearing gifts. Mmmm, cheezits. [J subdues TG from his ranting with a well placed cheesy treat.-J] [Yum! -TGP] [Nice peach! -J] SWILbusiness: Now that TGP is absorbed in increasing his daily intake of Yellow Dye #5 I shall take it upon myself to get down to business. That business mostly consists of all manner of announcements and reminders which would have been more effective had they been spaced one week apart (consider them learning stimuli) but seeing as how we have had a space-time problem for the last couple weeks or so (we think it's been weeks, but with warped temporal geometry, you can never be too sure) the spacing of those stimuli has been a little out of whack. Normally, this is the way it should work: James (three weeks in advance): "Hey, Renfaire is coming up in three weeks" (gives TGP a cheezit, he salivates) "Don't forget that!" TGP: "Forget what?" (a large electric shock is applied to TGP as he completes a circuit on the table by setting down his glass of pog in bewlderment) James: "I said don't forget Renfaire in three weeks." TGP: (pained and slighty dazed) "Right." one week passes James: "Hey, remember that Renfaire is coming up in two weeks!" (TGP looks up with interest. No cheezit. He feels strangely manipulated and petulantly blurts out...) TGP: "What!?" (a larger electric shock is applied, as TGP rubs at the moist towlette which has been wired to his forehead. A singed odor is detectable) James: "The Renfaire, Peach-boy!" TGP: "Oh, yeah." a second week passes James: "Renfaire" Peach: "Cheezit?" James: "No, Renfaire!" Peach: "Reward? Salivate?" James: "Stop that!" (applies shock to tastebuds) Peach: "Ow." the third week passes James:(hand on shock button) "Renfaire..." Peach: "Right, this week at 9am meeting in the Rosegarden and getting back some time later that night. Okay, let's discuss the Magic League Draft... OW!" (he passes out and the cumulative effects of electroshock therapy reduce his short term memory enough that he forgets to go to Renfaire and instead spends the morning in bed thinking that his name is actually Phyllis.) but you all will have to make do with these occasional updates. Incidentally, James ought to remember that RenFaire was scrapped to make way for BenFaire, and she had better get that through her head or she'll have to put up with a lot more than shock treatments from Ben Williams. Next piece of business: Melissa Binde: "What about the mailing list? Ow! Phyllis, is that you?" Next up is discussion of Philcon. I happen to know that jere7my, James and myself all recieved exciting documents telling us how to pay money for this event and how to get to a hotel full of people you probably would avoid on public transportation. jere7my explained the need to deal with this soon if we wish to recieve discounts and ensure we would have a room to pile 15-37 people into. Thus he sent around a list, or rather a piece of paper that became a list, of those interested in having their personal space violated and their wallets drained. The fun happens Nov. 18-20 and I'm sure we'll be aranging things such that anyone who wishes to go will be able. Stay tuned. Fred: "Can we discuss advertisements for SWILcon now? Ouch! Hi Phyllis, have you seen my pog?" The monday movie fun continues. Folks watched the classic _Time Bandits_ this week and The Giant Peach didn't. The Giant Peach is a little annoyed by this, and as such will make every attempt to see the movie this week. As predicted, this Monday we will be showing _Tankgirl_ which ought to be a really good and proabably fairly crowded event since it just came out on video. As for James, she'll be doing the flippity, floppity, naked on stage thing as usual. [This is what happens when you put a theatre major in office. -TGP] [Hey, man, at least I have employment prospects! -J] [Waiting tables at Dennys does not count as employment opportuni... ow! Here's your pog Fred. -PHYLLIS] Also last Saturday, several Frosh got to witness SWIL political machinations as it was revealled that the treasurer had to be replaced. Dan Eisenbud, unable to keep his embezzlements a secret, grudgingly gave up the position and a mad session of political jockeying for position ensued. As usual, Fred Bush demonstrated his political savvy, seizing control as a dark horse candidate. Crushing all opposition in his wake by declaring his superior knowledge of the humorous things uttered by the former treasurer while sleeping, Fred managed to become our new head chief in charge of fundage. Send him those reciepts or just stop by to commiserate. You may have noticed the nifty Pterodactyl Hunt signs all over the place. Yes, the Wizards of the Hunt have begun preparations and you, too, can sign up to bash each other with newspaper swords on the board in Parrish or at the next meeting. Fangs have been bought [If you don't know what they're for, ask Alice Unger, she'll be happy to demonstrate -J] and other shopping will occur soon. The Hunt will take place on November 3rd, so keep your calendar free. [We may need to recruit it to be an orc -J] The annual SWIL'oween party has changed locations so many times that Joel was considering writing an epic ballad about it until a large contingent of nonmembers formed an enormous pile on top of him. Pictures of the first ever SWIL scrum will be availiable on Melissa Binde's homepage soon. Jeremy Dilatush has been wearing a track in the carpet of my hall trying to contact the space people by running at 188 miles an hour and vanishing except for a few flaming footprints. Not only has this caused part of the time anomaly responsible for the late date of this SWILnews, but because we live in Hallowell, the walls now have all these gooey red blobs on them from the times he didn't turn. Anyway, it's going to be on October 27th from 8:00pm to 2:00am in either Bond, Paces or wherever else they give us. [Top of Kohlberg, anyone? -J] Well, gosh allmighty, we almost forgot to mention that the messiah himself, Josh Burdick was in town last week and stopped by to distribute more copies of BEM. He is working on errata sheets for the issue, and these will be availiable soon. Anyone who wants a free copy of our literary magazine Bug-Eyed Magazine can get one from James by emailing here. Larry Miller and freshling Michelle Wirth volunteered to work on BEM this year, prepare to submit to them soon. On the video library issue: We now have both tapes and the space to put them in . So now we are beginning to collect more donations and suggestions for shows to have on tape. If you want to contribute to SWIL's video collection, you can donate $2 or a videotape to the fund. By donating, you can specify what will be on your tape, so far, we have all the seasons of Red Dwarf covered. Think of it as your opportunity to exercise control over the mass media consumed by your peers. The tapes will be availiable for borrowing as soon as Kendra, Fred and company can find the time to dub them. Ah, the metallic stench of freshly spilled blood is in the air again! Yes, freshling Dave Minmo graciously submitted to being hacked limb from limb after providing a Kantian proof of his sentience. What would this proof be? Well, I'd tell you, but there's two problems, first, The Giant Peach is the philosophy major here and he was the only one who truly got the nuances of said proof, and second, the only notes he took on it consist of the words "Dave & Kant's Soap", which completely puzzle me, so really, I'd like to tell you, but I just .......Kant. Non-SWILbusiness: It has been noticed that jere7my tho?rpe has obtained gainful employment on the Information Superhighway. Be afraid...be very afraid. Josh Burdick, David Randall and others were in town this week for Justin and Kathy Davis-Giacoletti's wedding ball, which was reported to be fabulous. James and The Giant Peach would like to offer their heartiest belated congratulations to Justin and Kathy . Woohoo! Well, that's it for two weeks ago. Dan Eisenbud: "Wait, we didn't get to talk about the mailing list... Ow!....Mmmmmmm, Pog." Happy break, everyone. Attendance: (9/30/95) David "Mysterium cosmographicum" Randall, Larry "Omnipotus's best pal" Miller, Jayayayayayayay "Is that an echo in my head?" Scott, [Is that an echo in my head? -TGP][Is that an echo in my head? -J] Snibor "Yad lufituaeb a tahw, ho! Gninrom lufituaeb a tahw, ho!" Eoj, Sam "Control biting = 13 - top pin" Weiler, Andrea "Did you know Barney is on 3 times a day?" Hall, [Satan's trinity is afoot on the devil's box! -TGP] Stephanie "wha...? I don't get it." Dyrkacz, Seth Weidner's teddy bear- here in his stead, Ethan "42" Friedman, Megan "Hey, you have colored sprinkles!!" Hallam, Alice "Yes Sprinkler. I have colored Sprinkles!" Unger, [No, Virginia, there is no Virginia --JWS] Narolathotep "Ruttering Bum" Rosolowsky, Joe "I'm not really here" Jandg, Joel "Hats to my left, Hats to my right, Baked in a hat oven until my hat blew up." McNary, Jeremy "(expletive deleted, dammit!)" Dilatush, Josh "(* This procedure goes 'waka waka' *)" Burdick, Channaly Oum - am I normal for not having some nickname? Dave "I vend ammo" (think about it) Mimno, [I moved man. -TGP] Simone Tai (or #$%&), [In the right font, these characters actually say what Simone wrote in the language she wrote it. -TGP] Michelle "Lost in the sauce" Wirth, Melissa "We've got swords!" Binde, Josh "Diabolic Vision" Smith, [Better than a dastardly sense of smell. -TGP] Dan "5th year sophmore!" Wells, Martine ("Blank Space Here") Claremont, Julia *"? Benton, Kendra "Je ne suis pas un animal. Je suis un homme!" Eshleman, [Tu n'es pas unhomme. Tu es un frog! -TGP] Fred "Ceci n'est pas un quote" Bush, Audrey "Freshman pterodactyl" Walton-Hadbok, Daniel "Not picking ivy at 9:00 AM" Eisenbud, | | over V jere7my "All- purpose creative Web guy!" tho?rpe, [Just call him Peter Parker for short. -TGP] -James & The Giant Peach