Date: Sat, 4 Nov 1995 15:44:04 -0500 Subject: One... singular sensation, every little step she takes....(SWILnews#7) All righty, it's time to stop dawdling and send out last week's SWILnews! (Pause) Some of you might be curious about what happened to the SWILnews from the week before. (They commence to clear their throats and audibly sigh and look aimlesly around the room. TGP picks his nose and discovers in it a rare Magic Card. He immediately sells it for a lot of cash. J is disgusted. ) But we won't tell you. We're looking for it. Really. Kind of. Just you wait. SWILbusiness (Oct 28, 1995)--- OK, we did SWILoween, where many fine folks, armed to the teeth, gathered to juggle and cavort. Although only a few people had the gall to mount the dance floor, many were willing to game, eat, and reveal their deepest secrets to the SWIL community. Kendra has already transcribed the results of the truth or dare game and they will be available in a red notebook in Birdwainer shortly. Also, it was discovered that the entire event was funded by our very own Mr. Dilatush. Although technically against standard SWIL operating procedure (see weekly movies), it would be nifty if he could make back a bit of the dough he had to cough up. For this he'll need flour, baking soda, semi-sweet morsels and a few other things adding up to around 15-20 bucks. If you get a chance toss some green his way won't you? This weekend SWIL continues its gaggle of fun-filled activities, with the long-awaited Pterodactyl Hunt. Everyone should already know about this and know where they are supposed to be and when. If they don't, they can readily consult the following schedule presented here by your loving co-presidents: 4:30 am Joel and Steph patrol the boundaries of the Hunt appraising soil texture and the degree of erosion since last year. 5:00 am Andrea is dispatched to security with a substantial "donation" to ensure they continue their Laissez-Faire policy towards the hunt. 6:00 am Jeremy feeds the werewolf his daily ration of Alpo. 7:00 am Regimental drill for all orcs and hobgoblins. Orcs report to Parrish beach, hobgoblins to the gym. Kings can sleep in an extra hour. 10:00 am Larry oils up the Black Knight's armor and checks the Rose Garden for troll droppings. 11:00 am Kendra and jere7my think about starting their day. 1:00 pm Joel and Steph oversee the coinage operations in the basement of Papazian. 2:00 pm All persons of freshness report to the Pterodactyl cages for feeding. 3:30 pm James is dispatched to D.U. with a Keg of Schlitz and an invitation for the Hunt. 4:00 pm Ritual prayer service conducted in Cloisters to ensure a good Hunt and the benevolence of Josh Burdick. 5:05 pm Sam begins to enter Berserker rage for the evening. 5:37 pm Fred delivers word of monster sightings to the local populace. 6:00 pm Joe is dragged from Sharples and tied to a stake in front of Parrish to lure the beasts of the Hunt. 6:23 pm Joe is messily devoured. 7:00 pm EVERYBODY SHOWS UP IN PARRISH PARLORS PREPARED TO KILL. 7:05 pm Ben shows up a bit late. 7:50 pm Monsters are dispatched to lurk. 8:00 pm VICTIMS ARRIVE, HUNT BEGINS. We hope this is clear for everyone. Any questions should be directed to the wizards, Joel and Steph. If all goes well I'll see you at SWIL meeting. Otherwise... Another event that isn't quite as momentous but still loads of fun is movies. Last week we engaged in the Holloween spirit with showings of Army of Darkness and something with zombies. This coming monday we'll be showing Ghostbusters which we have all seen too many times but is still a really good movie and should be seen by all once again. It will be showing at... [10:15? -J] ... that's amazing, I was just about to say "10:15?". You're a legitimate phenomenon! [Thank you -J] Anyway, be there or be studious. jere7my has yet to convince me to join in the PhilCon bunch but that doesn't prevent others from going and having a wonderful time. Folks will be getting a hotel room for both nights and as anyone who's been can tell you, the real convention doesn't start 'till the lights go out! Andrea will probably be coming back to Swat in the evenings for those who are afraid of being in the dark with SWIL folk. However, if you're willing to play truth or dare with Kendra present you certainly can handle this. News came to us from the House of Burdick. Apparently He-Who-Makes-Things-Full-Of-Tasty-Goodness has blessed James with errata from last year's B.E.M.. Now, I don't want anybody postulating this as proof of Josh's fallibility. It just so happens that The Great One, blessed be his toes, works in mysterious ways and if you dare to question his supreme munificence he is likely to turn you into a lawn ornament. [Just ask Erik if you don't believe me. -TGP] Anyway, see James if you'd like to be able to envision the totality of your B.E.M. in its absolute perfect sense-perception. With any luck you'll be able to derive the Platonic form of B.E.M., dragging yourself from the cave of substandard literary magazines into the bright light of proofreading. Speaking of B.E.M., if you or anyone you know would like to be a part of this ancient receptacle of all learning and knowledge, send your pleas to those literary giants, those fonts of all that is smurfy in the world of erudite fiction, Larry and Michelle. Yes, submit to Larry! Submit to Michelle! Submit, submit, submit! [pant, pant, pant! -TGP] As some of you may have noticed, we had a strange visitor last weekend who appeared in a sulferous cloud anddin't leave until after wink. Yes, Charles Danforth, proud indicator of the lowest level of sentience possible, blessed Swarthmore campus once again with his presence. Although the target of much slandor in past SWILnewses, this upstanding lad deserves nothing but [********censored********] from this co-presidency. In fact, without Charles, how could SWIL have ever managed to [*********censored********] for four long years. Yes, in our opinion this gentleman has reached a level of status comparable only to [***********censored*********], an achievement that is, by-no-means, easy, and is likely to be unattainable by anyone many years to come with the possible exception of [*******censored*******]. Non SWIL business-- Nothing happened at all that we are at liberty to tell you with that security rating. Let's just say it had to do with art glass. Attendance: (10/28) rendieW "! joE ,siht poT" hteS, (backwards in script) Stephanie "Still trying to convince Joel to move sword-rolling to Dupont 138" Dyrkacz, Snibor "Evisruc od t'nod I. Htes, yrros" Eoj, Alastair "I like complete sentences." Thompson, Andrea "I completely forgot what I was going to write" Hall, Megan "I feel better, now that I once again know everyone is SWIL" Hallam, Larry "Boy, the things I can tell you about Colin" Miller, Matt "I've always wanted to be an orc" Coddington, Jay "No fair! They took back my stupidity prize." Scott, Charles "I am not a freak." Danforth, I'm not here so I won't sign in, Melissa "Sitting next to Jim Macleod" Binde, Audrey "I don't believe I'm here again" Walton-Hadlock, Simone "h^a(n)g x i^t(a)ll" Tai, Michelle "I think I'll just pass this thing on instead of sitting here for half an hour trying to think of a creative nickname" Wirth, Jeremy "Kill brain kill brain KILL BRAIN KILL BRAIN" Dilatush, Greg "Cheese is Love" Ingber, Kendra " Larry, aren't you forgetting something?" Eshleman, [Funny, I thought he was whereing pants last Saturday. -TGP] jere7my "Vaseline for U and ME." tho?rpe, Dave "I am... Conan the College Student!" Mimno, [I am... Conant the Talk Show Host! -TGP] Erik "Yoda Tastee-Frees" Rosolowsky, Alice "Yum... Yoda... Tastee" Unger, David Phillips, Why can't I sign this twice? Try and Stop me. Sam "Pumpkin N2 tower" Weiler, Daniel "Ow, my head really hurts!" Eisenbud, -James & The Giant Peach