From chaos at cs.swarthmore.edu Sat Jul 17 20:05:57 1999 Date: Tue, 8 Dec 1998 16:03:58 -0500 (EST) From: Chaos Golubitsky To: _swat.org.swil at cc Subject: Nethack has more of a plot than SWILNews #11 Two wrongs don't make a right, two rights don't make a left, and two lefts definitely don't get this SWILNews written. Fortunately, Hlokk and Skogul are not left-handed. (Nor is Goll, but, as has been previously noted, you can't cleave three co-presidents in twain.) There are seven days in the week, four horsemen of the apocolypse, three instances of setting in "The Dressed Ship", and three copresidents sitting in the Sun Lab, surrounded by CS21 students (and Otavia, who is not a CS21 student.) Plus a partridge in a pear tree. Otavia is not the partridge. Obviously, it's time for a plan. (but no canals; they muck up the campus -H) (How about a subway? -S) Let's see: it's almost 5:00, everyone's going to dinner, it's early December... Obviously, it's a perfect time for the attack of the killer snow mongeese from hell. Unfortunately, it no longer snows in this part of the country. Too bad. SWILBusiness: Peter is wearing a blanket. Over his head. This may make it difficult for him to eat his lunch. We're in Sharples. This may make it difficult for the rest of us to eat our lunches too. Since Peter had a blanket over his head and was a member at this point anyway, he could not participate in the unnecessary SWIL vote in which the present nonmembers unanimously declared that they did not want Hlokk to read the list of next semester's movies. Needless to say, she read them anyway. No one wanted to run inauguration, including Peter. We finally talked Sarah into running it. Yay Sarah! Inauguration is SWIL's random excuse to throw a party for the nominal purpose of getting the new copresidents into office so that they can run the first meeting. As an added incentive to come to inauguration, Skogul says that he will break the Heisenberg uncertainty principle and actually show up. We would like a volunteer to fix the Heisenberg uncertainty principle after the party. Inauguration will be the first Friday after break, starting at whatever time we can get Bond. Peter doesn't need to harrass Josh Bess about BEM because Kyla is going to do it. Submit to BEM. Heather has extended the deadline past Winter Break. Be of good cheer, SWILfolk, for we will get you a new deadline soon (probably in February.) Jennifer is the other half of Heather, at least for BEM purposes. However, Heather is not a recursive function of Jennifer. It's Fred's birthday on Monday, so we sang at him. Has anyone seen the filkbooks? Please contact Hlokk if you know where they are. There will be a reward, probably in the form of chocolate, for information leading to the safe return of the filkbooks. Peter probably has not seen the filkbooks. Last week, we said there wouldn't be a 24-hour Tolkien reading. Thus far, we've been right. We let Peter prove his sentience before presidential nominations because he was wearing a blanket over his head and wanted to eat lunch. Here's the abridged version of Peter's sentience proof: 1) Peter is not from this planet. He is the son of , of the Dynasty, prince of the planet Calamity. 2) He can see everyone's intelligence. 3) We've all proved that we're sentient, but he can see by reading our intelligence that we're not sentient enough. (Even Charles Danforth -S) (Especially Charles Danforth. -G) 4) People are sentient because they can count to 10. People count to 10 when they're angry. (The appropriate syllogism did not translate into ASCII.) 5) Peter counted to 10 correctly and claimed to be angry. 6) There are 3 levels of intelligence. As examples, a dog is level 1, humans are level 2, and things that are at level 3 are gods. Things at level 1 can't communicate well, things at level 2 communicate but fight, and things at level 3 communcate and live in harmony. (So, if plants could communicate, would they be level 3? -S) (If they didn't hurt each other. -G) (So if we could stop fighting, would we become plants? -S) (I think we'd just get a higher number -G) 7) Peter's planet was destroyed by nuclear war, and he was chosen to come to Earth, since he's the prince. So he read us an essay on civilisation, during which he hit Fred on the head. (This does not lower his intelligence level, since he was just smiting Fred, not fighting with him.) 8) Since Peter is more sentient than us, he's going to kill us. (And we can't fight back, so that keeps him more sentient than us. It's a self-perpetuating cycle. -S) 9) Hlokk valiently disregarded her own sentience and fought back, killing Peter with her thok stick. So now he's dead. But sentient. We think. Presidential Nominations: Amy wrote the nominations on the board. But Goll wrote them on paper. So if Amy screwed up, you'll never know. fred tupperware, cockroaches, and thermonuclear war parrish basement physics shit (particles) goll's funky orange slicker (mango -g) (hmph -h) jesse "the body" ventura and jesse "the mind" ventura ming the corpse of lord julius' goat kaski and rosie silvia and george megan, robert, dave and jess kyla and chaos salt and pepper shakers qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq q qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq q (this is not an actual nomination, just what happened when hlokk tried to remove a paper ball from the keyboard after goll threw it at her. and you thought swilnews-writing was boring...) furbie and lego mindstorm phil's computers fuzzy clothing (that is, whoever shows up at meeting wearing the fuzziest clothing gets to be president for the week) chaos's hat, will's hat, dave's hat, and allan's hat "rowdy" roddy piper blade al bloom peter's hat those things (with those things pie as vice co-president) the generic point technobabe and warrior princess Platforms and elections will be held next meeting and we'll explain the voting procedure. Bring a pencil. Also, if you'd like to write a platform for any of the inanimate, nonpresent, or otherwise incapacitated candidates, feel free to do so. Non-SWILBusiness: Wednesday at 8, there will be a showing of "The Sticky Fingers of Time", billed as a "thinking person's sci-fi film" (also as a "low-budget sci-fi film). The writer/director will be there, and there will be food and stuff. There will be a new episode of Buffy tonight. Megan is showing it at 8pm only, in Parrish N244. Fred went to the CRC. We'll try to keep it quiet. The List of the grepping mouse - 5 December: Jim "If you put all the numbers 1 - 1,000,000 in alphabetical order, what would be last?" Moskowitz Heather "and a partridge in a pear tree" Weidner Phil "Cantankerous Oats" Stepleton Abigail "This is my first meeting" Friedman (and it may well be your last, bwa ha... no wait. never mind. -H) Sonia "ei mitaan mielen kiintoista " Mariano Kara "If I only had a screen" Zor-El II Beth "Look! I came to a meeting!! See!?! See?!! I actually got up before 3pm on a Saturday!!! (Hmm... will it happen again...)" Tsai Lindsay "'Beware of the dragon that sits on your doorstep... He eats little boys, puppy dog tails, big fat snails... Beware!' (see _Glen or Glenda_ - Go Bela!" Herron. Jennifer "Aililu no Gamhna " Tyson Anna "It's raining!" Hess Jimmy "Decide is depart of defense you should put de paint" Kong Peter "I came here to scold the stupid SWIL." (and we killed him. let this be a lesson to you all. -H) Fred "still running" Bush Robert "the cow sayeth " McFarland Amy "there are extraterrestrials in my philosophy reading, dammit, and they're undermining external justification!" Swift Kyla "The attendance list of incomprehensibility and " Tornheim Sarah "Jim - one of the 0's (11000000)" Bergstrom Dave "Blade for President - Get rid of the vampires on the hill" Phillips Alecia "I am not here" Magnifico Jessica "I was here. And then I left." Harbour -Hlokk, Goll, and Skogul