Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1999 16:43:27 -0500 (EST) From: Chaos Golubitsky To: _swat.org.swil @ swarthmore.edu Subject: The Adventures of the Loyal and Clever Co-presidents in SWILNews #8 What have you been doing for the past few weeks? Probably doing homework, writing papers, attending meals, celebrating Thanksgiving with your family, that sort of thing. In other words, completely ignoring the plight of your loyal co-presidents who, as you may recall, have been languishing in prison. You could have called, you could have written, you could at least have mobilized troops to get us out, but no! Goddammit, you didn't even send flowers! (you people are pathetic! -d) (yay! -t) (i knew that would make her happy -d) Luckily for you (not that you care -d), your loyal co-presidents are also incredibly resourceful. (and charming, and handsome -t) (flatterer -d) Armed with nothing but spoons (spoon! -c) because the evil (uberlords! -o) (ooh! ooh! what about ubermice? i'm ubermouse of the fifth dimension! -t) stole Dagger's collection of arms, your loyal co-presidents tirelessly tunneled their way to freedom. They then fled back to campus, just in time for... SWILBusiness [People were throwing napkin cows. Your loyal co-presidents were not amused.] PhilCon happened. It was fun. Yay. If you want to give Kira $45 anyway, go for it. At the next meeting (December 4), presidential nominations will occur. If you or your favorite inanimate object wants to run for president, come to meeting. Abby got Kylapoints for going to hear Dagger sing in the Jamboree last year. Submit to BEM! (no, we never do get tired of saying that -d) If you want to throw pumpkins at Spamageddon, talk to Jimmosk. If you want to throw pumpkins at Jimmosk, please don't. We like him. Last year's steak by Rebecca and Prime was really really really really adorable. (prime, who was taking notes, is flattering herself -c) (steak comes in many varieties; one of them is medium rare, and none of them is adorable. -nyrob) Quote of the Week #1: Hollis: I'm the anti-physicist. I can't make anything work! Dagger: Shit! Movie nominations happened; vote for movies by 6 pm on Thursday (that would be yesterday - sorry). Next semester's movies will be announced at Saturday's meeting. Dismemberment: Hollis Andrew Easter '03 Merriam-Webster's definition of sentience: 1. Responsive to or conscious of sense impressions. 2. Aware. 3. Finely sensitive in perception or feeling. 1. Verified by Wink--the pain of skin being ripped away (Quote of the Week #2: Dagger: Shit!) made him go get a shirt from his roommate's closet. Also, because of morning-after symptoms, he convinced Dagger, Jennifer, Eileen, and various others to massage his poor aching muscles. 2. a. Awareness meaning knowledge of something. He has knowledge of various subjects ranging from cooking to massage to the manufacture of Great Highland bagpipes from PVC, Bondo, dental floss, vinyl tubing, Naugahyde, and silicone glue. b. Awareness as drawing inferences from what one experiences. Having disproved laws of physics in his physics lab, he infers that physics is actually a hoax and the universe is governed by squirrels. Or mice. (it's really just the earth -t) 3. He knows when his friends need massage, hugs, and chocolate. Quote of the Week #3: Hollis: However, I'm not satisfied. Dagger: Shit! As the final prong to his proof, he put a knife in front of a teddy bear. The teddy bear, channeling the teddy bear from Charles Danforth's days, did nothing. Thus it was sentient because it knew better than to pick up the knife, therefore ignoring the tools provided it. Hollis, on the other hand, picked up the knife and used it safely, thus bettering the bear (and franzi -t) by using his tools properly. There was a token vote for Pat Buchanan for the Reform Party by Jimmosk (please can i throw pumpkins at him? -t) (at pat buchanan? sure -d); it was modified to Bob Bowman; the rest of us voted Hollis sentient (but is he marie of roumania? -nyrob) Non-SWILBusiness There are seventy-three days left until pitchers and catchers report for spring training. BDan wanted to go bowling. Since we still haven't gone, we can assume he still wants to. Thanks to Lindsay for movies. Abby's younger brother's play was good. Nowhere near enough people have been to Puckers. (again, can you tell who's taking notes? -d) (i think people should go to puckers and i occasionally take notes -c) "Arcadia" happened. It was good. If you didn't go, Dagger has probably already kicked your butt by now. (i thought the sound-board operator was especially good -t) Cloak successfully climbed up to the grid without anyone giving her a leg up. Cloak is exceedingly proud of herself. Quotes of the Week Numbers 1, 2, and 3 are brought to you by the illustrious Tom Stoppard, chaos theory, and the letter Q. The attendance list of the lone red-haired president - 6 November 1999 Kira "...now you don't" Goetschius benjamin 'His flashing eyes, his floating hair!' r, george Franzeska "this is my movie star name" Blair Dan "continually decreasing my test score" Fairchild Elliot "I want gaming!" Reed Kyra "Well, you'll always be together, 'cuz he gets you up in leather." Jucovy (um... -d) Hollis "Drum machine/overtone thingy/resident 'Mixed Company Boy'" Easter Rebecca "I love eating dead cooked animals" Kuipers (yay! go texans! -c) Lindsay "Hippofascistsaurusmisanthropic Rex" Herron (hippo! yum! -l) (i thought you were a vegetarian! -d) (oh, well -l) Jennifer " chocolate sauce" Tyson (stop it with the food on the attendance list! -d) Anna "oak arms!" Hess Andrew "evil ---!" Szafran Ben "Pawn to 'teleology' - checkmate!" Newman Jim *boycott quotation marks* Moskowitz Rebecca "Primate" Paul Amy' "Does taking notes count as writing SWILnews?" Marinello (no -t) (damn right--especially when you don't capitalize the n -d) Abby "Smushed against the sneeze-guard face" Friedman Robert "one of the Prophets of the Story" McFarland Rebecca "Frisbees are non sentient" Jones Arcadia "sorry Kyla" Falcone Jimmy "Microsoft can't corrupt you. They don't have enough swamps." Kong Amy "they haven't written the test I can't kick the ass of" Swift Sarah "in No. 2 pencil" Bergstrom Mike "Mike" Camilleri Catherine "absentee" Osborne (well, maybe it counts if you're on the shuttle when we're writing swilnews... -d) -Cloak, Dagger, Oxford English Dictionary, New York Review of Books, and Thumbscrew