From aem @ sccs Tue Sep 12 17:05:49 2000 Date: Mon, 27 Mar 2000 17:55:23 -0500 (EST) From: Amy' Marinello To: _swat.org.swil @ swarthmore.edu Subject: Choose Your Own SWILNews #8... Six different endings! Section 1 Congratulations! You are a highly intelligent being of sentience (H.I.B.S.), also known as a SWILlie! You wake up on Saturday morning and look at your clock. It is 11:42. You... Head excitedly off to SWILmeeting.
Roll over and go back to sleep.
Go to College Bowl.
Section 90 -- SWILBusiness The meeing is called to disorder. JimMosk is pathetic. Kyla announces that Sarah "just sat there," and Prime is confused. You... Fly your spaceship back to Alpha Centauri.
Dig here for buried treasure.
Go out to get food.
Section [] Challenge Chess will held on Parents' Weekend, as usual. It will take place on Parrish Beach after the folk dance demonstration. Rebecca (I like traffic lights -p) Paul (she said I could put whatever quote I wanted! -q) (last time I let you do that -p) is in charge of collecting challenges, so you suggest some to her. Several new rules for choosing challenges are being considered: Chickens Choose Challenges!
All challenges are telling the Purple Joke.
The attacking piece selects a challenge, but the victim may veto.
Section -4 You turn in developed photos to Queen Amydala so she can send them to the yearbook by March 31. Your pictures are: Of man-eating bunnies.
Taken by a professional pornographer.
Of SWILfolk and SWIL events.
Section Herring By the authority of Kyla, Amy is a senior. THE END Section Quodcumque Your friend Chaos is running Walpurgisnacht. She wants a noisy sidekick to pester people about bringing food, because she is on crack. Comma wants the crack. You... Steal the crack and run.
Volunteer.
Volunteer Lindsay.
Section 50% All players are stoned to death by the listening audience. THE END Section $3 The Committee to Replace Amy should be working on the plans for the Tamora Pierce event (mwa ha ha ha! Plans! -b). You... Wonder why Amy needs replacing.
Agree to help replace her.
Kill the Nazis and escape with the golden idol.
Section &&X You discover that presidents @ swil . org has been pointing in the correct directions for quite some time now, but no one told you about it. You... Go ballistic and throw a coup.
Don't care.
Pas-de-basque (no! -b) (why not? -aq). Section ooooooooooo Your grandson allows you to be fed to the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. Damn Vogons. THE END Section 2.71828182845--(can I hit Darth Paul yet? -a) You conduct a survey of senior nonmembers. You determine that Senior Remembrances should be held on Saturday, April 29 this year. You... Recall to mind lots of juicy gossip.
Recall to mind lots of happy stories.
Recall to mind lots of ducks.
Section j7y Schlock is voted on. Surprisingly enough, you find that your top choices were the ones that were selected! From this ranked list of nine, your faithful and loyal copresidents will determine which are available and get the top three. The list is: -Mazes and Monsters -Gamera vs. Guiron -Santa Claus Conquers the Martians -The Beast of Yucca Flats -The Jitters (with hopping vampire impression by section header!) -Orgazmo -Hell Comes to Frogtown -Overdrawn at the Memory Bank -It Conquered the World Go get ice cream and miss the rest of meeting.
Start counting the seconds until Schlock begins.
Shift uncomfortably in your seat.
Section *i You are late for the round you are supposed to be moderating. Your fellow College Bowlers rip you to shreds. THE END Section Z -- NonSWILBusiness You have been following the Buffy Marathon, but will be unable to attend after this meeting. They will be finishing Season 2. You... Will now be totally lost.
Will borrow the tapes from Kyla.
Should watch at least the last two episodes.
Section ** Go to... Damn Yankees, and enjoy yourself thoroughly.
The Spring Ball, and enjoy yourself thoroughly.
Jail. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
Section :-p You are massacred by a roving band of giant, carnivorous yo-yos. (So there. :-p -abq) THE END Section ? You are handed a piece of paper. It says "Mystery-List (please add)". You write... Voltron
The New Jersey State Quarter
Frosty the Snowman's corn-cob pipe
fred
Sachan "I fear I cannot divulge that information at this time." Ragdair
Miang "Mother of humanity" Hawwa
Jack Kirsch
dark matter
the sweet taste receptor
an unknown cartoonist
two pints, four ounces, and a peck
what the hell?
Salt + Pepper Quakers
(apply list Mystery-list)
mogera
most people's brains
Cher's fashion sense
Norm DePlume
Culhwch ap Cilydd ap Cyleddon Wledig
capitalist cactus swarms
Femmine
Section 6t2.4 (groan, groan, groan -a) You attend the pre-Sager "Eye of Argon" reading, organized by Sarah, on April 1. The story is so horrible that you die laughing. THE END Section ++ Kyra announces that she will be showing "Blackadder 1" on Friday at 8pm in Kohlberg 116. You... Buy a pogo stick.
Laugh maniacally.
Go and have a good time.
Section 62.4 Robert needs a dress. If you have one in his size, you will... Pretend you don't.
Return to your home planet.
Lend it to him for Sager.
Section The Attendance List of Partial Differential Equations Kyla "cough, hack, sniffle... 'Buffy'! whee!" Tornheim Sarah "woo hoo. I got a birthday present" Bergstrom Robert "Hi, Becki! Are you reading this?" McFarland Rebecca "If you are trying to leave a theater look where you are going or it hurts" Jones Lindsay "R is for RENDER unto me, baby" Herron jere7my "The code word for this visit is 'YOWZA'" tho?rpe Jay "pseudozoomorphic" Scott Amy "they should take the evil pain thing back out of my head" Swift also Amy "first meeting in over a month!" Swift (does that count as two meetings? -q) Kyra "Sure, Grahf. Bring on the musician." Jucovy ~Elliot "Gravity is decreasing!" Reed benjamin 'don't let appearances fool you, i am EXTREMELY awake' r, george (me too -b) BDan "Guarder of the Pizza" Fairchild Jim "chaos "interrupting attendance list" golubitsky interrupting attendance list who?" Moskowitz (orange you glad I didn't say banana? -p) Dan "somewhat" Blim :) ------------------------------------------------------------------- This SWILNews was written by... Abi-Wan Kenobi
Ben Kenobi
Queen Amydala
Darth Paul