Have you seen the latest Disney movie, The Happily-Ending Tale of the Cute Skimpily-Clad Pencil-Thin Girl and the Hunky Prince with Big Muscles and Dark Hair and Their Talking Animal Friends? Neither have we. However, the Agnostic Right has. The Who? (He's on first. -s) (We're not talking about music here. -d) The Agnostic Right -- you may not have heard of them. (We're not sure they exist. -g) But they have been brainwashing America through Disney's films, and it has to stop. (Bet you never thought you'd say the Baptists were right. -s) So we, your nefarious and vindictive co-presidents, are off to take control of this project... and stop it. Yeah. That's right. In the meantime, we'll keep you occupied by quickly dashing off: *** SWILBusiness *** Kyla really can't deal with change. (Too bad -- Disney must die. -s) That [the rabble -g] wasn't [weren't -s] so bad [yellow with green polka dots -d]. T-Shirt voting will happen on Saturday. I know the AR wants you to doubt the existence of t-shirts. They want you to think you'll gain fame, immortality, and the ever-lasting affection of your fellow SWILlies, should you be the one to design this year's t-shirt. Well, they're right -- the t-shirt doesn't exist yet, and you will win all those things if you are the one to come up with a clever design and a witty slogan. (Who will design this year's t-shirt? (No, Who's on first. -s) It could be you! -g) Of course, the AR could be lying. Who knows? (He does? -s) The only way to find out is to SUBMIT (to BEM! -d) clever and witty T-SHIRT DESIGNS!!!!!!!! As of last meeting, it wasn't too late to order t-shirt reprints. As of now, it probably is. So the only way to *get* a SWILshirt is to... SUBMIT (to BEM! -s) clever and witty T-SHIRT DESIGNS!!!!!!!! Spammageddon will happen on the 13th at 4:30. (Spam, which tries to indoctrinate you into false beliefs about the existence of meat... -d) Come watch Spam freeze, and watch us drop a rock on it. (Sorry, Joe. No dropping Spam from Parrish 5th -- we're afraid it'll shatter and hurt people. Or at least touch them. -s) (We're getting back to our roots in the Spam Drop! (Only not really. -g) (Is a Spamdrop like a gumdrop? -d) (Eeeeeewwwww. -gs) ( Oh, you thought I said if you were good I'd give you a *gumdrop*. -d) -s) [CLARIFICATION: We're going to drop *a rock* on Spam -- we are *not* (repeat: *not* -s) going to drop Stone on Spam. More (or as -s) importantly, we are not going to drop Spam on Stone. -d] (That would be fun! -g) Rebecca K. is Bob. (That solves that probl... hey, didn't we do this already? -s) (I thought she was Justine! Justine Time! (With Superpowers! (The United States and Russia! (Hey! That's fun! Let's think of more things to make her say! (That's how it goes. That's it, that's it. (We already made the joke with nested parentheses. (Ha ha! I'm typing now! (Stooooooooooone! -g) -g) -g) -g) -g) -g) -g) Walpurgisnacht is on Saturday, April 28th. Find stories. (You stupid illiterate people. -s) The AR wants you to burn stories of horror and fertility, because we can't be sure if anything is horriffic or fertile! Celebrate Arbor Day by burning the books that have been made from horrifically (fertile -d) destroyed trees! (Ha ha ha... -Elliot) The Eye of Argon will be read (laughed -g) on Friday at 7:00pm in Greylock 301. Be there, or have sides that aren't split. After the reading (laughing -d) of Eye of Argon, there will be a story-reading. So find stories. (You stupid illiterate people. -s) (Ha ha ha... I can't... ha ha... breathe... -Elliot) The Kegger will be in two weeks. (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! -gs) Come help! Please! There will be a decoration-making session next weekend. Stay tuned to the Funlist/SWILNews for details. The AR doesn't want you to find out that Karen Easter won the lottery. She is now in possession of a projectile weapon. Go Karen! They also don't want you to know what may or may not be in: *** NonSWILBusiness *** You shouldn't Passover the seder with Chaos and Kyla. ( -gs) You should, however, RSVP ASAP YS...NP. (N = non-observant -d) The seder will be lots of fun. (YMMNV -s) So go, or you might be struck down by the Angel fo Death (get down and funky! -g) (Oh, shut up. I meant fo Death. OF DEATH! I meant -- can I have a blub? -s) (Nooo! No blub for you! -g) (Agnostic -d) Right. Where were we? Go to seder. You don't have to be Jewish to come. You could even be... Agnostic! (o/` dum dum duuuuuuum. -s) (A Multi-Media SWILNews Experience! SWILNews for the Vision Impaired! -d) Also, give Kyla $5 if you go. BDan has lost his NonSWILBusiness priveleges. From now on, we insist on profound agnosticism in regards to the contents of his backpack. MST3K was 50s propoganda. (It would be helpful if we could say what *next* weeks MST3K will be... -g) BDan will be a great boon to future anthropologists. That is, if they believe his backpack existed. (Tell people that Quidditch happened. It was fun. Make them feel bad for not going. -d) Joel is going to have a magic show. Ooooooh! (Joel is going to have a magic show. This resulted in lots of ooze? -d) ( -s) Star Trek is going Klingon. It'll be in Stone's room on Friday after dinner. (If you can get in. I won't be there. -s) And so your nefarious and vindictive co-presidents proved that the Agnostic Right existed, thereby negating its existence (much like God! -s) (much like Elliot! -g) in favor of the... (Christian Left? -d) (Ba'hai Lower Middle? -g) (Hari Krishna Ana! -s) (Whirling Dervish Widdershins! -d) (Atheistic Null Set? -g) Queens of Heart! Heart of Gold: Amy' Marinello Heart of Stone: Abby Friedman Heart of Darkness: Robert McFarland Enjoy the next Disney movie, y'all! *** The Attendance List of Age Discrimination -- 3/31/01 *** Abby "slipping in above" Friedman DANIEL FRIEDMAN ROBERT FRIEDMAN (Your brother and father write in all caps. -g) (Daniel can't write and Dad has lawyer hand-writing, so this way it's legible. -s) Sandi Friedman Kyra "Since arrogant people are made of chocolate and languages are sausages, Raoul may eat arrogant people and languages." Jucovy (Mmm-hmm. -d) Rachel "Somone wierd was sleeping on the couch outside my room this morning" Sapiro ~Elliot "Abolish physical laws!" Reed (I think he's a tool of the AR. -d) (I have no idea whether he's a tool of the AR. -s) ( -g) B "Now how will I decide" Daniel "where to put" Roth "my quote?" Fairchild Inside "Ben Newman" Out (That seems like a bad place. -g) John "FISH!! They have Swedish FISH!!!" Finkbiner (And they had SALMON tonight! -g) RON MARINELLO (Your father writes in all caps. -s) (He's weird. -g) Joel "Mazel tov from Crazy Raul's Congo titan (15)" McNary Arcadia "Marcel Proust: Conceptual Terrorist" Falcone Lady "dreaming of Wertherian solipsism" of Shalott chaos "actually enjoyed hearing christ church bells. ack!" golubitsky (Since when has Christ been churching bells? -d) ( -gs) Michael "whichever '-ectomy' deals with the throat + lungs" Noda (Vis-? -d) (Dis-? -s) (Hyster-? -g) Rebecca "too smart to volunteer" Paul =) (Yet too dumb to get paid! -g) Rebecca "The good witch" Jones Robert "Blank line" McFarland {\tt Daphne 'sweetness' the Typewriter} & benjamin 'purity' r, george & Margeret 'light' the Camera & Callicles 'I don't know where to begin...' the Moose Matt "The knight who defected" Fowles Steven "Hey, I feel discriminated against just because I'm old" Rusche Jennifer "not named Eric Bloodaxe" Tyson (Steven made me. Besides, I'm sweet in pink.) Kyla "still quoting... and quoting... and quoting" Tornheim Karen Mother of Hollis Easter "And they've gone, and I'm still here" Alan (Proxy for JC) Ravage Amy' "1 2 4 8 16 32" Marinello Sonia "who was not here" Mariano (Were too! -s) Rebecca "'dark as the pit from pole to pole' but still all light and sunshine" Kuipers Will "who wants a barn" Quale (I do! I do! -s) (Stone! I didn't know you were serious about him! -g) (So the question is, if Rebecca's running at full speed, will her pole fit inside Will's barn? -d) (Not going there. Just not going there. -s) (It's supposed to be geeky, not obscene! -d) (Did you ever notice how most of Darkness's quotes end up sounding vaguely... geeky? -s) *** Gold, Stone, and Darkness *** (Do we have a tag? -s) (Hanes Beefy-T. -g) (Are you made in Taiwan today? -s) (I don't know. -g) (This doesn't go at all with our theme. -d) (Assembled in Mexico. That's probably why it's Spanish. But there's also USA made components. -g) (Tags aren't funny when they go this long. -d)