From daniel at sccs.swarthmore.edu Tue Sep  3 23:05:51 2002
Date: Tue, 30 Apr 2002 17:27:25 -0500 (EST)
From: BDan Fairchild 
Reply-To: Presidents 
To: The SWIL List:  ;
Subject: Things SWILNews #12 was not meant to know

The intrepid explorers arrived at Kirby, only to find it locked. They
assumed it was just a sinister plot by public safety to thwart their efforts
to watch 'Delicatessen' so they failed to notice the UNSPEAKABLE EVIL that
was released when they finally got the doors open. An evil that first
manifested itself by taking control of

***SWILBusiness***

The rabble was pathetic, certainly no match for the betentacled dark elder
moose god (go me! -r) (But Ruly isn't even here!  Why are you writing
comments for him?  Is this some sort of plot to keep me from fuzzing his 
hair again?  You _know_ he likes it. -s) that would soon descend upon the
earth in his apocalyptic wrath.

Hoping to delay the inevitable, the pathetic mortals planned to hold Senior
Remembrances next meeting, but their pathetic delvings into history would
bring them no closer to a true understanding of the dark truths obscured by
the mists of time.

They also planned to learn of the old secrets by reading from 'The Eye of
Argon' ([uncontrollable giggling that prevents me from typing anything.]
-s) in Kohlberg n on Weds. May 8th, but their efforts were foiled when the
dreaded Laughing Madness of Argon seized control of their feeble minds.

Walpurgisnacht was already past, so it was too late to read more stories of
Horror and Fertility in hopes of invoking the aid of the elder daemons. (The
trees!  Don't forget the tre[unable to control himself, falls to the floor
laughing] -s) (fine. the tree nymphs wouldn't help them either. -k)

But they did discover something important at Walpurgisnacht -- they
discovered that SONIA IS A WONDERFUL PERSON WHO SHOULD BE THE RECIPIENT OF
BOUNDLESS PRAISE, because she brought them still-warm brownies that had
no noteworthy evil properties whatsoever.

There was a speaker. He spoke. He taught them of a past era in the history
of science fiction, but not an era long past enough to shed any light on
their present predicament.

(NOMINATE BOOKS YOU STUPID ILLITERATE PEOPLE! -cth)

but even the horrors they had seen so far could not prepare them for the
unspeakable evil of 

***Movie Nominations***

They nominated and voted on movies for the next semester. Not that it
mattered, since they had no hope of living long enough to reap what they had
sowed. The complete list of nominated movies will appear in a separate
email.

SATAN: Unspeakable evil, I like that in a SWILNews.

Desperate to survive at any cost, the proposed a motion to sustain their
population by eating one another, but it was voted down.

You can tell how much depravity they'd sunken into from the fact that they
decided to hold a

***Lottery***

(i'm 'kempt', right? -k)

kempt won a sloth. only six mortal sins to go. (we'll see about
that. -various evil supernatural forces)

movie on Monday was 'Delicatessen'. Next week is Schlock:

Sunday at 10pm in Kirby: MST3K: Future War
Monday at 10pm in Kirby: At The Earth's Core
Tuesday at 10pm in Kirby: Death Race 2000
Wednesday at 10pm in Kirby: Blood Freak

all this was so unspeakably evil that even the various dark elder gods and
their administrative staves wouldn't have anything to do with it, so they
quickly segued into

***NonSWILBusiness***

Jamboree, an unspeakable musical ritual, will be held Monday and Tuesday of
reading week.

(How many times have we used the word 'unspeakable' at this point? -c)

Nothing important has happened at meeting yet. (that's what YOU think! -cth)

Amy' has dinosaurs, but are they really dinosaurs, or are they really ancient
beings of unspecified and unimaginable mystical power?

(there! i didn't use 'unspeakable'! -k)

On Friday, between dinner and when it gets dark, Qian will be reading poetry
on the whispering bench. Unfortunately, Friday is the anniversary of the
sacrifice of Gthnobt Llamnu, and the whispering bench was built on the site
of one of his oldest and darkest altars, so things may get unpleasant...

Anybody who wants to go see 'Spiderman' this weekend should email mark at
mhandle1 at cc. anybody who thinks spider-people are probably associated with
something they'd rather avoid should invest in a good talisman.


The Attendance List of Voting for Whatever the SWILPresidents Tell Us To

Rebecca "I found a place to buy the SW:HS + didn't buy it. I have such
	willpower." Paul
John "Solid Gold" Finkbiner
Amy' "The willpower to not explode upon being in the presence of the
	SW:HS?" Marinello
Adam "I think, therefore I yam/sweet potato" Oleksa
Ben "Der Tot" Mitchell
MARK "SLEEP IS OVERRATED" HANDLER
Katie "y'all better eat those refreshments" McAlister
Rachel "Who will be queen hereafter!" Sapiro
Rebecca "is that oatmeal, cream of wheat, or greul?" Kuipers
The Speaker "....................(cough)" Ravage
JC "RPS and all the others" Ravage
Robert "cuz I'm a blonde" McFarland
Nick "Obfuscating the Occult Secrets of the Mystic Texts of the Great Lesieg
	and his Colored Fish" Ward
~Elliot "Power!" Reed
Magic "slit their throats" Loops
BDan "a thingy! a fiendish thingy!" Fairchild
Qian "whispering bench" Qian
Ben "                                 " Newman
benjamin 'it's a fiendish thingie!' r, george
Callicles 'Blue Meanie!' the Moose


Ruly, Kempt, Sheveled, Couth, and Ct--Aieeee!