/***************/ /* SWILNews #1 */ /***************/ //Would You Like to Buy a SWILNews?// A What? A SWILNews! Does it...? Would you like to buy the rabble? The what? The rabble! Is it pathetic? Of course it's pathetic, it's the rabble! (I think it's the most pathetic rabble I've ever presided over! -t) /****************/ /* SWILBusiness */ /****************/ Would you like to buy an Assistant Administrator Lord Admiral of the Seas? A what??? An Assistant Administrator Lord Admiral of the Seas! (Try saying that ten times fast! -d) (AssistantAdministratorLordAdmiraloftheSeas!AssistantAdministratorLordAdmiraloftheSeas!AssistantAdministratorLordAdmiralofthe... -w) ( -d) (This is going to word wrap poorly in every mail reader in existence. -t) (It's a good thing we have some femails in SWIL! -w) ( -t) Is it Anna Lee? Yes. Would you like to rent a SWILMovie? A what? A SWILMovie! Was it Planet of the Apes, starring Charlton Heston? Of course it is, you damned dirty ape! (Hey, I have excellent hygiene! Ook-ook-eee-ee! Ah! Ah! -a) Will the next SWILMovie be Laputa? Yes, but only if you're a good monkey. (Eee! Eee-ee-oo-ah-ah!! -a) (Bad monkey! -t) Would you like to nominate books? What? Books, you stupid illiterate people! What? Can't you read? Books! For the Cordwainer Bird Library! What? (Stop that! -d) What? ( -w) Would you like to submit to BEM? (Submit to us! I mean BEM! -t) What? BEM! Does it have bug eyes? Of course it has bug eyes, it's the Bug Eyed Magazine! Does it have an absolute final deadline? Yes, and it's on February 28th! (We mean it this Time -t) ( -w) Would you like to buy some massive fraud? (Hey, you can't buy massive fraud! -t) (It goes with the theme, you can't just buypass it! -d) ( -t) What? Well, you voted for it. (NEXT! -d) (Uh, I didn't say that. -d) (Yes you did, I typed it! -t) ( -d) (That was completely uncalled for, I'll have you know, I'm very good friends with War... -t) ( -w) Would you like to buy a Massacre? A what? A St. Valentine's Day Massacre! Is it going to involve gangsters shooting each other in Sharples on Friday the 14th of February after a pleasant meal served by loyal waitrons whom we will love forever? Of course, it's the St. Valentine's Day Massacre! (We needs waitrons you ugly mooks! -t) (They are prreciousss to us... -w) ( -d) (Is this ever going to get old? -d) Would you like to have a kegger? What? A kegger! Will they serve root beer? Of course, it's the SWIL Root Beer Kegger! Has anything important happened at meeting yet? What? Well, there was the Wrath of God! (Time, move your computer. -d) (Huh? -t) (Trust me. -d) (Okay... -t) ( -w) ( -d) ( -w) ( -d) ( -t) (Hmm, I'm not sure this was such a good idea. -w) (Oh, stop waffling! -d) ( -t) (What am I going to do with a pile of GodWaffles?? -t) (I'd say you're in a real god-waffle situation! -w) ( -d) Would you like to buy a kegger theme? A what? A kegger theme. You know, like vampires, science fiction and fantasy, outer space, genetic engineering, or international conspiracies! When will it quack? (Quack??? -d) (Oh yeah, Dadaism was last year. -t) (You'd think you could keep track of this sort of thing. -d) (Maybe we should form a committee? One that will meet after meeting next meeting? -w) Would you like to buy some Snazz Red? Some what? Snazz Red! Hasn't it been banished from the universe? (You mean like outside of time? -t) ( -w) Nope! The vote failed. Oh. Is it green? Of course it's green, it's Snazz Red! Would you like to play a Game of the Week? A what? A Game of the Week! Is it Chain Link Murder? Of course it's Chain Link Murder, it's the Game of the Week! What's the Game of the Week? (The Game of the Week is Chain Link Murder, and Chain Link Murder is the Game of the Week! -d) ( -w) (We seem to be a very violent presidency. -t) ( -w) (I was just thinking that. -d) ( -w) (Ooo... nested smackings! Just like Scheme! -t) ( -d) The Game of the Week is the showcased game for our weekly gaming on Saturday afternoons. The rules to the game will be taught to whatever shows up. (Finally! No more duck questions! -t) (Don't duck your responsibilities! -d) ( -w) Would you like to have a storyreading? A what? A storyreading! Will it be on Saturday February 15th at 7pm in Parlors? Why yes. Would you like to be a Mini-Prop? (Hey, we're not for sale! -t) (I said "be", not "buy"! -w) A what? A Minister of Propaganda! Is it pretty and amazing? (I think I'm pretty amazing... -t) (Are you asking to be smacked? -d) (Am I what? -w) ( -t) Of course it is, it's a Minister of Propaganda, and everyone wants to be one and put up posters! Would you like to buy a standard book of parlor games? A what? A standard book of parlor games! Is it any different from JimMosk? Well... uh... sorta... kinda... no. Then we've already got one! Would you like to declare war on Why-War? (Why me? -w) ( -t) ( -d) Why? (Wait, that's not how you play the game! Not that I'm complaining... -t) ( -d) For stealing our Ws! Shouldn't we write a letter first? (Yes, and that letter should be "w"! -w) ( -d) Of course we should, the slush fund isn't big enough to buy a nuclear arsenal! Would you like to have a speaker? A what? A speaker! (Turn up the volume! -t) ( -w) Why not have a whole panel of speakers? (Like at Best Buy? -d) ( -t) That's a great idea! Contact Ben Newman [bnewman @ sccs] if you're interested in helping out. /***********/ /* Lottery */ /***********/ Would you like to win a duck? A what? A duck! Does it quack? Of course it quacks, it's a duck! Are you Greg? (Well, technically... no. -w) (I'm not going to fight a war over a duck -d) ( -t) /********************/ /* Non-SWILBusiness */ /********************/ Would you play to play some D&D? Some what? Some Dungeons & Dragons! Will it hurt? Of course it will hurt! Contact J.C. [jravage1] if you would like to play a one-shot on February 9th. (Does that mean I can kill a dragon with one shot? -t) (I dare you to try! -d) Would you like to eat a baby? A what? A baby! Am I kobold? Yes, if you play Kobolds Ate My Baby! Contact Nick [nward @ sccs] for more information! Would you like to hail King Torg? (ALL HAIL KING TORG! -dtw) ( -King Torg) (ALL HAIL KING TORG! -dtw) (Fine, I'm leaving. -King Torg) (ALL HAIL KING TORG! -dtw) Would you like to have a birthday party? A what? A birthday party! Is it for Mark, Qian, and Elliot? Well, it was, but you missed it. (Let them eat cake! -t) ( -d) Would you like to buy Buffy? Who? Buffy the Vampire Slayer! Will Abby [abigail @ sccs] be hosting a marathon? Yes! Would you like to watch "I, Claudius"? What? "I, Claudius"! Will it be starting on Sunday? No, last Sunday was the Super Bowl, so it will be starting next Sunday. Contact Adrian [apackel @ sccs] for more info! Would you like to stop buying things? (Yes!! -dtw) (For the love of god, yes! -t) (How may I help you? -GodWaffles) /*******************/ /* Attendance List */ /*******************/ //The Attendance List of Sucking Up to the New Presidents// John "Walnuts" Finkbiner Abby "We eats our Sam, with bread and jam, so juicy SWEEEEET!" Friedman (Does Comma know about this? -w) Amy' "If someone knows where Abby's reset button is, please tell me" Marinello (You have to throw her into Mount Doom to turn her off -w) benjamin 'this pen sucks' r, george (Sucks up to us, right? -t) Arthur "waiting to suck up to the presidents until later" Chu ~Elliot "Ben is right" Reed (All right, all right, we'll get a new pen... -t) Jonathan "Nick of War, Ravage of Death, Mark of Time" Schneider (Whonow in the whatsis? -t) Qian "Proxy" Li Greg "J.C. Ravage is my God!" Robinson Anna G. Lee -- the monster who eats sadness. oh wait. I'm supposed to suck up to the new presidents. But I'm a centaur! I cannot lie! J.C. "I'm Greg Robinson's God" Ravage (No, you're War -dt) Nick "Nick 'is the best' Ward" Ward Rebecca "3/4 c candied insects" Kuipers BDan "Can we use a straw?" Fairchild Imp. Caesar Traianus Hadrianus "timeo Danaos et dona ferentes" Augustus Kyra "I am blue! I have googly eye!" Jucovy Rachel "I missed the Wrath of God!" Sapiro (Don't worry, it didn't miss me. -t) M. Jawaad "Ethan's Roommate" Hussain (I thought that that was Benitez -w) Ethan "Jawaad's roommate" Skerrard (No infinite loops allowed! -t) Ben "No Nickname" Newman Mark "Snarf!" Handler Chronos "Master loves us! He would never hurts us!" PowerBook G4 (I love you, Chronos! -t) /******************/ /* Smacking Stats */ /******************/ //This Week// ___|_d_|_t_|_w_|tot| _d_|_X_|_6_|_5_|_11| _t_|_3_|_X_|_4_|_7_| _w_|_3_|_7_|_X_|_10| tot|_6_|_13|_9_|_27| (rows: smacker; columns: smackee -t) ("smackee" isn't a word! -t) (I'll smackee upside the head if you say it one more time -w) Most Smacks: Death Most Smacked: Time (How the heck am I not the smackedest President? -w) //Spring '03// ___|_d_|_t_|_w_|tot| _d_|_X_|_6_|_5_|_11| _t_|_3_|_X_|_4_|_7_| _w_|_3_|_7_|_X_|_10| tot|_6_|_13|_9_|_27| Most Smacks: Death Most Smacked: Time /***********/ /* The End */ /***********/ A quick thank you to our special guests Ape, the GodWaffles, and King Torg. (ALL HAIL KING TORG! -dtw) The Three Salesmen of the Apocalypse, Death, Time, and War