/***************/ /* SWILNews #1 */ /***************/ //Would You Like to Buy a SWILNews?// A What? A SWILNews! Does it...? Would you like to buy the rabble? The what? The rabble! Is it pathetic? Of course it's pathetic, it's the rabble! /****************/ /* SWILBusiness */ /****************/ Would you like to buy an Assistant Administrator Lord Admiral of the Seas? A what??? An Assistant Administrator Lord Admiral of the Seas! Is it Anna Lee? Yes. Would you like to rent a SWILMovie? A what? A SWILMovie! Was it Planet of the Apes, starring Charlton Heston? Of course it is, you damned dirty ape! Will the next SWILMovie be Laputa? Yes, but only if you're a good monkey. Would you like to nominate books? What? Books, you stupid illiterate people! What? Can't you read? Books! For the Cordwainer Bird Library! What? What? Would you like to submit to BEM? What? BEM! Does it have bug eyes? Of course it has bug eyes, it's the Bug Eyed Magazine! Does it have an absolute final deadline? Yes, and it's on February 28th! Would you like to buy some massive fraud? What? Well, you voted for it. Would you like to buy a Massacre? A what? A St. Valentine's Day Massacre! Is it going to involve gangsters shooting each other in Sharples on Friday the 14th of February after a pleasant meal served by loyal waitrons whom we will love forever? Of course, it's the St. Valentine's Day Massacre! Would you like to have a kegger? What? A kegger! Will they serve root beer? Of course, it's the SWIL Root Beer Kegger! Has anything important happened at meeting yet? What? Well, there was the Wrath of God! Would you like to buy a kegger theme? A what? A kegger theme. You know, like vampires, science fiction and fantasy, outer space, genetic engineering, or international conspiracies! When will it quack? Would you like to buy some Snazz Red? Some what? Snazz Red! Hasn't it been banished from the universe? Nope! The vote failed. Oh. Is it green? Of course it's green, it's Snazz Red! Would you like to play a Game of the Week? A what? A Game of the Week! Is it Chain Link Murder? Of course it's Chain Link Murder, it's the Game of the Week! What's the Game of the Week? The Game of the Week is the showcased game for our weekly gaming on Saturday afternoons. The rules to the game will be taught to whatever shows up. Would you like to have a storyreading? A what? A storyreading! Will it be on Saturday February 15th at 7pm in Parlors? Why yes. Would you like to be a Mini-Prop? A what? A Minister of Propaganda! Is it pretty and amazing? Of course it is, it's a Minister of Propaganda, and everyone wants to be one and put up posters! Would you like to buy a standard book of parlor games? A what? A standard book of parlor games! Is it any different from JimMosk? Well... uh... sorta... kinda... no. Then we've already got one! Would you like to declare war on Why-War? Why? For stealing our Ws! Shouldn't we write a letter first? Of course we should, the slush fund isn't big enough to buy a nuclear arsenal! Would you like to have a speaker? A what? A speaker! Why not have a whole panel of speakers? That's a great idea! Contact Ben Newman [bnewman @ sccs] if you're interested in helping out. /***********/ /* Lottery */ /***********/ Would you like to win a duck? A what? A duck! Does it quack? Of course it quacks, it's a duck! Are you Greg? /********************/ /* Non-SWILBusiness */ /********************/ Would you play to play some D&D? Some what? Some Dungeons & Dragons! Will it hurt? Of course it will hurt! Contact J.C. [jravage1] if you would like to play a one-shot on February 9th. Would you like to eat a baby? A what? A baby! Am I kobold? Yes, if you play Kobolds Ate My Baby! Contact Nick [nward @ sccs] for more information! Would you like to hail King Torg? Would you like to have a birthday party? A what? A birthday party! Is it for Mark, Qian, and Elliot? Well, it was, but you missed it. Would you like to buy Buffy? Who? Buffy the Vampire Slayer! Will Abby [abigail @ sccs] be hosting a marathon? Yes! Would you like to watch "I, Claudius"? What? "I, Claudius"! Will it be starting on Sunday? No, last Sunday was the Super Bowl, so it will be starting next Sunday. Contact Adrian [apackel @ sccs] for more info! Would you like to stop buying things? /*******************/ /* Attendance List */ /*******************/ //The Attendance List of Sucking Up to the New Presidents// John "Walnuts" Finkbiner Abby "We eats our Sam, with bread and jam, so juicy SWEEEEET!" Friedman Amy' "If someone knows where Abby's reset button is, please tell me" Marinello benjamin 'this pen sucks' r, george Arthur "waiting to suck up to the presidents until later" Chu ~Elliot "Ben is right" Reed Jonathan "Nick of War, Ravage of Death, Mark of Time" Schneider Qian "Proxy" Li Greg "J.C. Ravage is my God!" Robinson Anna G. Lee -- the monster who eats sadness. oh wait. I'm supposed to suck up to the new presidents. But I'm a centaur! I cannot lie! J.C. "I'm Greg Robinson's God" Ravage Nick "Nick 'is the best' Ward" Ward Rebecca "3/4 c candied insects" Kuipers BDan "Can we use a straw?" Fairchild Imp. Caesar Traianus Hadrianus "timeo Danaos et dona ferentes" Augustus Kyra "I am blue! I have googly eye!" Jucovy Rachel "I missed the Wrath of God!" Sapiro M. Jawaad "Ethan's Roommate" Hussain Ethan "Jawaad's roommate" Skerrard Ben "No Nickname" Newman Mark "Snarf!" Handler Chronos "Master loves us! He would never hurts us!" PowerBook G4 /******************/ /* Smacking Stats */ /******************/ //This Week// ___|_d_|_t_|_w_|tot| _d_|_X_|_6_|_5_|_11| _t_|_3_|_X_|_4_|_7_| _w_|_3_|_7_|_X_|_10| tot|_6_|_13|_9_|_27| (I'll smackee upside the head if you say it one more time -w) Most Smacks: Death Most Smacked: Time //Spring '03// ___|_d_|_t_|_w_|tot| _d_|_X_|_6_|_5_|_11| _t_|_3_|_X_|_4_|_7_| _w_|_3_|_7_|_X_|_10| tot|_6_|_13|_9_|_27| Most Smacks: Death Most Smacked: Time /***********/ /* The End */ /***********/ A quick thank you to our special guests Ape, the GodWaffles, and King Torg. The Three Salesmen of the Apocalypse, Death, Time, and War