/***************/ /* SWILNews #7 */ /***************/ //SWILNews #7 is More than Meets the Eye// /*********************/ /* This Week in SWIL */ /*********************/ 1) Movie Next Week (3-31): Brother from Another Planet 2) Next week's Game of the Week is Chez Geek. 3) T-shirt voting will be at this week's meeting. Bring your designs! 4) The Grand Mle is on Saturday April 5th. Sign up to be a participant or referee (the two roles are not mutually exclusive!) by e-mailing JC [jravage1]. 5) Start thinking about movies for next fall. All SWILNewsii: http://www.swil.org/SWILnews/Spring03/index.html /****************/ /* SWILBusiness */ /****************/ No matter how hard they try, the rabble cannot transform into anything better than Patheticons. (No matter how hard the try, do, or do not! -t) (Come to PathetiCon, the 10-minute science fiction convention! -w) (Coming soon to a vacant lot near you... -d) There will be an epic struggle for control of T-Shirtron next week, on planet Sharples 4 in the Meeting Sector. Bring your designs so that they will have a chance to receive the greatest honor in cybernetic outerwear-dom. (I have no designs on your t-shirts! -w) ( -d) The Autobots will finally confront the evil Decepticons and defeat them in the Grand Mle in two weeks. Transform your foam funnoodles into fighting weapons of every type and do battle on the Plains of Trotter! (I thought only Decepticons could transform into planes? -t) Nominate e-books, you stupid, illetterate Cybertronians! Thanks to the miracle of non-linear editing technology, the Lottery occurred here, but is actually there. Make sure to bring your suggestions to the next meeting for live games to entertain the visiting Parental Units, and spectacles to recruit Specticons. Parents' Weekend is the 12th and 13th solar cycle of the human month known as April. Suggestions for the Swarthmore Ville Fun Fair, which is on April 6th, are also welcome. It has come to the attention of SWILNewsus Prime that several Czechticons have infiltrated SWIL. (We are currently czeching the validity of these statements. -d) ( -w) (Now that was a nasty hip czech! -t) (Actually, I think all of the Czechs in SWIL are geeks... -w) ( -d) It may become necessary to use the Universal Greeting "Walpurgisnacht!" to appease stories of horror, fertility, and trees. The national celebration of Arbor Day, in which our transforming tree masters proclaim their glorious reign, will occur on the last Friday in April, the 25th. There are other major events scheduled for that day, so we will confirm an actual date at meeting. We now interrupt this regular broadcast of "SWILlies: Robots in Disguise" for a message from our sponsor... "Nothing says 'Alcohol' Like Greg" (Paid for by the National Council for the Arts. -d) We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming There will be a SWIL-sponsored panel, featuring James Morrow and Judith Berman, on the subject of what it means to be human in science fiction literature. The date for this discussion will probably be Monday, April 28th. /***********/ /* Lottery */ /***********/ Chaos won the lottery, receiving an official American Helicopter Museum AirProp hand-propelled helicopter in stylish neon orange. (Danger: do not point at face or eyes! -t) (But how are you supposed to read SWILNews if you don't point your eyes at it? -d) (Huh? -w) /********************/ /* Non-SWILBusiness */ /********************/ Time now features a redundant USB port located behind his left ear. It has been decided to never decide to have an all-campus orgy. (Call 1-900-ROBO-LUV for a good time! -t) (Wait, you mean we can upgrade the one we already have? -d) (What do you think the USB port is for? -t) (I couldn't possibly comment! -w) (Periphals. Periphals of WAR!!! -t) (No, no, no, peripherals of Time. -w) ( Enough peripheral comments! -d) ( -t) Death peked Time, who didn't duck. People talked about going to Peking, but it never happened. Eventatron has several other modes, including Fawlty Towers battle mode, a Creativity Workshop attack mode, a Zombie Audition mode, and a Magic Flute destruction mode! Be sure not to attempt to transform your Eventatron exo-suit into all of these modes at once. Especially since they have all already happened. Since they can easily transform into several different shapes, zombies aren't necessarily hexagonal. (So what happens if you transform a zombie into hexagonal space? -d) (It gets wrapped up in its own dimensions, of course! -t) (Not dimension the horrible smell! -w) ( -t) There will be a Contron Dance on Friday from 7 to 10 pm in Upper Tarble. This is not a Black-Tie Mode event. /***************************/ /* Corrections/Retractions */ /***************************/ If you're Optimal Optimus, 2 + 2 = fire engine, not gnu as was previously reported. (I gnu that! -w) (Here we go again... just what we needed, a gnu opportunity to make gnu puns. -d) ( -t) (That's what gnu think! -w) (If you gnu what was good for you, you'd hit Return now and stop typing these in. -d) (I can't, the energon discharges are preventing me from leaving Beast Mode! -t) (What gazelle is going on here? -w) ( -d) (Oooo! Fire engine! -t) /*******************/ /* Attendance List */ /*******************/ //The Attendance List of Radioactive Pancake Supermonsters// Jim "Rallye Ho!" Moskowitz (First one to finish aerating the garden wins! -d) BDan "beyond the lavender singularity" Fairchild (Where gravity is no longer purple? -t) Jillian "because I can't think of anything to say" Waldman ( -w) Kelsey "Hey, everybody! Jillian Waldman's new name is 'J'Iliad', okay?" Hollenback (Okay, whatever you say K'Oddysey! -d) ( -t) Mai "like the personal pronoun" Pucik (Hey, keep your quotes away from my pronouns! -t) (Mai, mai, touchy, aren't we? -d) (Just because he pays his nouns... -w) ( -d) Arthur "What a shriveled little hot dog!" Chu (I couldn't possibly comment! -w) (No, no, we can only use it once! -d) (I couldn't - ack, never mind! -w) The Artist Formerly Known As Greg Robinson (also known as: (it's not just a scribble!) (Scribble unrenderable in ASCII. -t))) (It looks like the Chinese ideogram for the Crusades! -w) ~Elliot "not my most brilliant moment" Reed (You're right, the bronze pen isn't nearly as bright as the silver pen. -d) Abby "It's not slash if it isn't made up by Kyra" Friedman (We'll spare you all from the actual hideosity of our potential comments. -dtw) (Whoa... "hideosity" is a word? -t) chaos "distinguished from what?" golubitsky Rachel "ice cream and chocolate and cookies... I shouldn't be allowed in stores by myself." Sapiro Kyra "There's more to life than books, you know... but not much more." Jucovy (Well, there's Slash... -dw) (Please for the love of Pete's sake don't go there!!! -t) (We will not have Pete's Sake/Kyra Slash!! -w) ( -t) ~Sam "Applesauce & pancakes are SO GOTH" Crane. Michael "The SEPTA DayPass of Destruction, Death, and DOOM! (TM)" Noda (I always thought it was Death, Doom, and Destruction... -t) (I thought it was Doom, Wolfenstein 3D, and Marathon! -w) Sony "Risen" Clie T665C (So now that it's risen, can we back it into bread? -d) (So now that it's risen, is it no longer dead? -t) (I so no risen why not! -w) (Can we stop with the kneadless puns? -d) Buffy "Alive, Dead, Alive, Dead, Alive..." Summers Sarah "Emissary from the Frozen North... by which I mean New York City." Nicolazzo (I wonder if she knows where SWILNews #3 is keeping its nuclear snowball in this warm weather. -w) (Why does that sound like an expansion set for Warcraft III? -t) JC "THE HIGH COUNCIL" Ravage (You didn't use consistent capitalization! -t) (That's because my name's a COMMUNIST!! -w) (We'll paint the Ravages red! -t) benjamin 'thip!' r, george (No, it's thwallow, and thuck, thuck, thuck. -w) (That one thucks! -t) (I hate you all!! -d) (I suppose that means you'll try to thmite us? -t) (He thmight... -w) ( -d) Callicles 'spoit!' the Moose (He did WHAT??? -t) (He cut off his moose to spoit his face! -w) (You know, we really shouldn't be exspoiting all of these animals... -d) (Would you rather impoit them? -w) ( -t) Nick "Nurdtron... MAXIMIZE!!!" Ward (I'm sure there would be a really effective derivative = 0 joke in there, but I'm not going to. -d) Rebecca "Mrs. Bennett's nerves" Kuipers MARK "Grak" HANDLER (I'd bet grak handlers don't get paid very much. -w) (Why would they, if they can't even spell their own name right? -t) (Keep insulting my cousins like that and I'll grak your skull open. -d) ( -w) ( -t) /******************/ /* Smacking Stats */ /******************/ //This Week// ___|_d_|_t_|_w_|tot| _d_|_X_|_0_|_5_|_5_| _t_|_3_|_X_|_4_|_7_| _w_|_1_|_0_|_X_|_1_| tot|_4_|_0_|_9_|_13| Most Smacks: Time (Still 100% -free! -t) Most Smacked: War //Spring '03// ___|_d_|_t_|_w_|tot| _d_|_X_|_13|_21|_34| _t_|_25|_X_|_23|_48| _w_|_17|_10|_X_|_27| tot|_42|_23|_44|109| Most Smacks: Time Most Smacked: War /***********/ /* The End */ /***********/ Brought to you by your friendly neighborhood '80s TV revivalists, The Mark of Death, The Nick of Time, and The Ravage of War