/***************/
/* SWILNews #8 */
/***************/
//Commissioning a SWILNews #8 in C//

/*********************/
/* This Week in SWIL */
/*********************/

//1) T-shirt voting is actually this Saturday. Bring your designs!
//2) The Grand Melee is this Saturday at 3 on Trotter Green.
//3) Start thinking about movie nominations.
//4) Walpurgisnacht has been pencilled in for Saturday, April 26th.
//5) There will be Live Challenge Tic-Tac-Toe next weekend on Parents' Weekend.
//6) Next week's SWILMovie is "The Miracle Mile".
//7) There will be no Game of the Week this week because of the Grand Melee.

//All SWILNewsii: http://www.swil.org/SWILnews/Spring03/index.html

/**********/
/* SWIL.c */
/**********/

typedef BOOL int;
#define TRUE 1;
#define FALSE 0;

int main(void) {
	SWILBusiness(16,3.14159);
	return 1;
}

/****************/
/* SWILBusiness */
/****************/

long SWILBusiness(int attendance, float gravitational_constant) {
	char *rabble = sprintf("Pathetic and lackluster");

	int jcroom = ml[220];
	BOOL steal = TRUE;
	break_in(jcroom, chez_geek, steal);

	while (jchead != benhead) {
		space_time = redefine(space_time,
				      intersect(jchead, benhead));
	}

	if (get_event(2003,4,26) == null) {
		pencil_in(WALPURGISNACHT,2003,4,26);
	} else {
		reschedule(get_event(2003,4,26));
		pencil_in(WALPURGISNACHT,2003,4,26);
	}
	//WALPURGISNACT must be defined in the preprocessor as a story
	//reading about horror, fertility, and trees.

	if (weekend == parent) {
		event = live_challenge_tic_tac_toe;
	}
	//live_challenge_tic_toe is a 3x3 array containing two
	//different characters. The variable should be deleted if
	//three identical team characters are in the same row, while
	//setting game_won = TRUE. Two characters vying for the same array
	//bucket must face-off in a challenge such as hopping on one foot
	//or naming Star Wars characters.

	int bar_mitzvah = 0;
	BOOL chaverim = TRUE;
	do {
		bar_mitzvah++;
	} while (chaverim);
	//Chaverim does Bar-Mitzvot.

	shirt_voting += 7; //days, or 1 week
	//Bring your designs for T-shirt voting next meeting.

	if (BEM_co_heir_apparent == null) {
		BEM_coed = volunteer(YOU);
		if (BEM_coed == YOU) {
			love_forever(YOU);
		}
	}
	//New BEM Co-Eds are needed. Contact the Presidents or the
	//current Co-Eds. E-mail bem @ swil.org if interested.

	books = nominate(stupid_illiterate_people);

	return lottery();
}

/***********/
/* Lottery */
/***********/

long lottery(void) {
	int gladstone = WINNER;
	int katie = gladstone;

	switch(choose_prize(katie)) {
		case 1:
			printf("You've won Modern Steel Construction!\n");
			break;
		case 2:
			printf("You've won a miniature rock
			        collection in a pencil!\n");
			break;
		default:
			printf("You lose!! MWAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!");
	}

	switch(mystery_bowl(katie)) {
		case KEEP_IT:
			printf("Wimp.\n");
			break;
		case BOWL:
			printf("You've won a wind-up spider!\n");
			break;
		default:
			printf("Error: Mystery Bowl not in
			        superposition.\n");
	}

	return non_SWILBusiness(TRUE);
}

/********************/
/* Non-SWILBusiness */
/********************/

long non_SWILBusiness(BOOL silly) {
	if (lovely_day) {
		walk_in_crum(elliot);
	}

	all_night = midnight;
	bdan = story_reading(all_night,bryn_mawr);
	//invalid if story_reading already happened on March 29th

	mute(BENITEZ);

	ben = develop(weapon(sauce),destruction(TRUE));

	bomb(ben_mitchell);

	if (!seen_an_ideal_husband) {
		see_ideal_husband(tonight);
	}

	do {
		ideal_husband = FALSE;
		something = small_angle_approx(ideal_husband);
	} while (something);

	end_of_world = !near;

	malloc(bagels);
	free(bagels);

	return 42;
}

/*******************/
/* Attendance List */
/*******************/

//The Attendance List of George Michael is My Hero//
char *attendance_list = [
"M. Jawaad \"I'll think of something later\" Hussain",
"Jillian \"repeating above lame nickname\" Waldman",
"Anna \"the hero who (dreamed that she) saved the dragon from the public restroom - where he was cowering in a corner weakened by the fumes of cleaning fluid and the artificial lighting that never goes off - two or three days too late. She was hoping they would then go off together happily burning things but she lost him on a Bolivian bus which means he could be anywhere - in El Altiplano living off undernourished stray dogs or perhaps in El Valle de la Luna living off well-nourished stray Nordic tourists who according to the UV index burn in only 4 minutes.",
"Greg \"Crazy little thing called Splorch\" Robinson",
"Kyra \"Blame yourself... or space monkeys!\" Jucovy",
"benjamin \'silly parasitic roommate\' r, george",
"Callicles \"Who? Me?\" the Moose",
"~Elliot \"Buffy... must have more Buffy...\" Reed",
"Katie \"Powers of invisibility are failing\" McAlister",
"Ben \"getting a head\" Newman",
"Nick \"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA... meow?\" Ward $",
"BDan \"anticollinear\" Fairchild",
"Rachel \"wind-up sushi?!\" Sapiro",
"Ben \"Evil Eyebrows\" Mitchell",
"DOPEY \"THE EXPECTORATOR\" GALOSHES *",
"MARK \"ABOUT TO HIT A CHESTNUT TREE\" HANDLER"];

char *footnotes = ["$: From \"The Emperor's New Groove\"",
		   "*: THIS FOOTNOTE IS CONTAGIOUS"];

/***********/
/* The End */
/***********/

Misallocating memory since the first thing crawled out of the C,
The Mark of Death, The Nick of Time, and The Ravage of War