/****************/ /* SWILNews #11 */ /****************/ //TIME'S VOICE-OVER: "SWILNews #11: These are the Voyages of the Starship - " CLOTHO, LACHESIS, AND ATROPOS' VOICE-OVER: " Ñ Flamingo!"// "Its continuing mission: to suppress lone despots, to prove the sentience of SWILlies both recent and not-so-recent, to boldly use garden flamingoes as no one has done before..." (not *that* way! -l) /*******************************/ /* Previews: This Week in SWIL */ /*******************************/ 1) Movie Next Week (4-28): X-Men 2) Walpurgisnacht (4-26): Stories of horror, fertility, and trees (quite suitable news for the three fates, wouldn't you think? -a), 8:00 PM, location to be announced. 3) Senior Remembrance Day is set for May 10th, location TBA. 4) Thursday (4-24) is the Housing Lottery Bingo, at the Field House. All SWILNewsii: http://www.swil.org/SWILnews/Spring03/index.html /*******************/ /* Opening Credits */ /*******************/ The meeting was called to disorder. The rabble was not pathetic. The SWIL president was. Deprived of his sniveling cohorts War and Death, Time could only stare dumbly as his fate approached. (actually, three fates! -l) (lachesis, that was really, really bad. -a) At the cry of Jillian's pink flamingo, prospective non-members Kelsey Hollenback and Mai Pucik burst into the room. As Jillian and Kelsey duct-taped Time to the table and his chair, Mai leapt on top (leapt on top of WHAT? -l) ( -c) and declared that this meeting would now be in the control of the Fates: Clotho (Jillian), Lachesis (Kelsey), and Atropos (Mai). As new presidents of SWIL, Lachesis and Atropos declared that this meant they were already SWIL non-members, and thus sentient retroactively - and, should that argument not suffice, engineering the coup made them evil masterminds, meaning that they had minds and were therefore sentient. The rabble objected on the grounds that the three fates were clearly under BDan's mental control. He was then forced to drink a glass of Coca-Cola while Lachesis and Atropos spoke to prove that they had their own minds. Lachesis and Atropos were proven sentient as evil flunkies. Clotho did not speak, and was thus understood to be BDan. (but she's josh! -l) /*************************************************************************/ /* Scene on the bridge in which something randomly attacks: SWILBusiness */ /*************************************************************************/ Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos were officially named presidents of SWIL. Much use was made of the flamingo as gavel. We voted to take Time's dignity, after he persisted in eating his Kix even with his wrists taped to the table. Remembrances will be the second-to-last meeting, which was decided by the seniors. At this point there was a heinous counterinsurgency, perpetrated by SWIL traitors Anna Lee (she promised to HELP us. she had her own FLAMINGO. i say we cut her thread! -a), Greg Robinson (such a long staff to defeat three smallish girls. -a) (that's SO wrong! -c) (not THAT way! -l), and Arthur Chu (pii pikachu! -a) (that's so random. -c) (any better ideas for defaming his character? -a) (yes, many. -l). After a few moments of heated battle, the flamingoes were regained and the counterinsurgents were put DOWN like the dogs they are. Rightful disorder was reinstated after Atropos' scream cut through the chatter of the rabble. Atropos was hailed as the Fearless Leader, her flamingo raised boldly in a salute. Lachesis announced that we have SAC funds for Walpurgisnacht. Special thanks to War, who was thankfully for him not present. (otherwise he would have been duct-taped to the ceiling. -a) We don't know where Walpurgisnacht will be. The suggestion of an intrepid SWILlie donating their dorm room was quickly shot down. Walpurgisnacht will be April 26th. Housing Lottery Bingo at the sophomore lottery on Thursday. It will take place in the Field House. (bdan, you need to work on your secretarial "talents" -a) (bdan has a job, but does he have a house? -c) ( -acl) Game of the Week was Nuke War. (it's a really good game. you get to kill people! -c) (hey, that's MY job, clotho. -a) SWIL movie Monday was The Mouse that Roared. Time was freed for his good behavior. (hey, time off for good behavior! get it? get it? -l) As stated above, Mai Pucik and Kelsey Hollenback proved their sentience. /***********************************************/ /* Scene in which Kirk tries his luck: Lottery */ /***********************************************/ BDan won the lottery with his ticket of Commander William T. Riker (to much derision). Refusing the generous offer of his life-thread as spun by Clotho, he was offered a choice between the red pill and the blue pill. He chose the red pill but exchanged it for the mystery bowl, which turned out to contain an alien puzzled egg. (his choices got worse and worse. he turned down his life thread, then the red pill, and got a PUZZLED EGG. -c) /******************************************************************/ /* Scene in which a great deal of stuff happens: Non-SWILBusiness */ /******************************************************************/ There was an Easter Egg hunt, starting at Parrish Porch, on Sunday. The clues were beta-tested this year. Most of the candy was actually found. Monday morning 7:30 - 9:30 was Qian's penultimate radio show. (mwahahaha! -a) (we may as well abuse our power and use long words. -c) Monday morning 9:30 - 10:30 was something else on Qian's schedule. We voted to revoke Qian's Non-SWILBusiness privileges after she read out her schedule for the entire coming week. At the Swarthmore Public Library, there will be a book sale with actual books starting at 10 AM on Thursday and continuing through Saturday. (not non-stop. -a) (congratulations to bdan for his EXCELLENT notes. -c) Jim wants to have a Roundsing soon. (and i want a pony. -l) "Old" Ben (bdan, what are you talking about? -a) is planning Mystery Seder 5763 (or maybe 4) - The Prince of Egypt will be played. Toys were played with in Hicks Saturday after meeting. By someone. /*******************/ /* Attendance List */ /*******************/ //Attendance List of Star Trek is your favorite TV show// Mai "Atropos" Pucik ( -a) Jillian "Clotho" Waldman ( -c) Kelsey "Lachesis" Hollenback ( -l) Horatio "This is Stupid" Hornblower (that's amazingly unerudite for a grecian. -a) Archie "Prone to Panic" Kennedy (hey, horatio and archie have come to three consecutive meetings! they can prove their sentience now! -l) Nick "Tied Up" Ward (he handled it well. he also looks good tied up. -a)(no, that's mark. -l) (mark looks good tied up? -a) (i'll say yes if you will. -c) (that's DISGUSTING! -l) John "Purple" Ward ("Purple" in, er, purple ink. -a) Abby "I have a house!" Friendman (yay abby! -a) Jim Moskowitz in C# minor, op 32 #2 (jim? -a) (Éjim. -c) benjamin "eek! a flamingo!" r, george (the flamingoes are perfectly friendly. -a) callicles "eek! another flamingo!" the Moose ~Sam "Yes, that is a stuffed moose in my pocket and (underlined) I'm happy to see you" Crane (... - all) Amy' "I bet there's a large group of confused Sharples employees outside the door" Marinello (oops, maybe i shouldn't have mentioned our plan to that one guy... -a) Ben "This isn't a coup, it's a civil war!" Kyra "FISH IS EVERYWHERE!!!!" Jucovy (terry pratchett states that the use of multiple exclamation points is the sign of a diseased mind. -a) ~Elliot "How many counter-insurgencies does one master of unholy power _need_?" (mistress! -l) (who, bdan? -c) Qian "lemon sorbet" Qian* (the discerning fates prefer raspberry and mango.) Ben "(rebus of matzah)" Newman (i thought it was a clock. a messy clock. -a) M. Jawaad "For the Revolution!" Hussain (whose revolution? -c) Lucky Jack "Hornblower sucks" Aubrey (your boorishness does you no credit, captain aubrey. - in profound superiority, hornblower) (die, scum!!!!!! - a, slightly incoherent) (multiple exclamation points are the sign of a ... -l) (he insulted horatio! -a) Chris "I hate you Mark, die" Segal Greg "The Pro-president counter-insurgent movement shall never die!" Robinson (but it did. -a) (he has really horrible handwriting. -l) Blake "Way to show up with reinforcements" Setlow (why does "blake's" handwriting match greg's? -l) (well, he does have a point. ha, BLAKE. -a) Arthur "Independent sovereign state" Chu (not after we're through with you. snip snip. - a, brandishing her shears) David "I cast ÔConfu' on the footnote below!" Benitez ("i always get ignored. and i always get laughed at, too ..." - benitez, on the computer next to us) * THIS FOOTNOTE IS (NEVER, crossed out) NOW CONFUSED! Adam "Trapped in a Temporal Causality Loop" Oleksa Adam "Trapped in a Temporal Causality Loop" Oleksa Adam "Trapped in a Temporal Causality Loop" Oleksa Adam "Trapped in a Temporal Causality Loop" Oleksa Adam "Trapped in a Temporal Causality Loop" Oleksa * note: continue ad infinitum (more like ad nauseam. -l) (this is the song that doesn't end. -a) Rachel "Mai's roommate" Winer Jason "Rachel's boyfriend" Bronstein (ha, my acolytes! -a) BDan "mastermind in black" Fairchild Miriam (what, no nickname?! -a) (no last name, either. -l) DOPEY "FREED FROM THE LAND OF MITZRAYIM" GALOSHES* * THIS FOOTNOTE IS KOSHER L'PESACH. Nick "The other Nick is an imposter!" Ward Nick "No I'm not!" Ward Nick "You can tell, his nose is fake!" Ward Nick "Is not!" Ward (what is it with repeated names today? -a) /***************/ /* End Credits */ /***************/ All around me darkness gathers, Faded is the sun that shone, We must speak of other matters, You can be me when I'm gone. - Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos; "Sandman: The Kindly Ones", by Neil Gaiman. Vanished on the wings of a flamingo, Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos.