/****************/ /* SWILNews #11 */ /****************/ //TIME'S VOICE-OVER: "SWILNews #11: These are the Voyages of the Starship - " CLOTHO, LACHESIS, AND ATROPOS' VOICE-OVER: " Ñ Flamingo!"// "Its continuing mission: to suppress lone despots, to prove the sentience of SWILlies both recent and not-so-recent, to boldly use garden flamingoes as no one has done before..." /*******************************/ /* Previews: This Week in SWIL */ /*******************************/ 1) Movie Next Week : X-Men 2) Walpurgisnacht , 8:00 PM, location to be announced. 3) Senior Remembrance Day is set for May 10th, location TBA. 4) Thursday is the Housing Lottery Bingo, at the Field House. All SWILNewsii: http://www.swil.org/SWILnews/Spring03/index.html /*******************/ /* Opening Credits */ /*******************/ The meeting was called to disorder. The rabble was not pathetic. The SWIL president was. Deprived of his sniveling cohorts War and Death, Time could only stare dumbly as his fate approached. and declared that this meeting would now be in the control of the Fates: Clotho (Jillian), Lachesis (Kelsey), and Atropos (Mai). As new presidents of SWIL, Lachesis and Atropos declared that this meant they were already SWIL non-members, and thus sentient retroactively - and, should that argument not suffice, engineering the coup made them evil masterminds, meaning that they had minds and were therefore sentient. The rabble objected on the grounds that the three fates were clearly under BDan's mental control. He was then forced to drink a glass of Coca-Cola while Lachesis and Atropos spoke to prove that they had their own minds. Lachesis and Atropos were proven sentient as evil flunkies. Clotho did not speak, and was thus understood to be BDan. /*************************************************************************/ /* Scene on the bridge in which something randomly attacks: SWILBusiness */ /*************************************************************************/ Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos were officially named presidents of SWIL. Much use was made of the flamingo as gavel. We voted to take Time's dignity, after he persisted in eating his Kix even with his wrists taped to the table. Remembrances will be the second-to-last meeting, which was decided by the seniors. At this point there was a heinous counterinsurgency, perpetrated by SWIL traitors Anna Lee . After a few moments of heated battle, the flamingoes were regained and the counterinsurgents were put DOWN like the dogs they are. Rightful disorder was reinstated after Atropos' scream cut through the chatter of the rabble. Atropos was hailed as the Fearless Leader, her flamingo raised boldly in a salute. Lachesis announced that we have SAC funds for Walpurgisnacht. Special thanks to War, who was thankfully for him not present. We don't know where Walpurgisnacht will be. The suggestion of an intrepid SWILlie donating their dorm room was quickly shot down. Walpurgisnacht will be April 26th. Housing Lottery Bingo at the sophomore lottery on Thursday. It will take place in the Field House. Game of the Week was Nuke War. SWIL movie Monday was The Mouse that Roared. Time was freed for his good behavior. As stated above, Mai Pucik and Kelsey Hollenback proved their sentience. /***********************************************/ /* Scene in which Kirk tries his luck: Lottery */ /***********************************************/ BDan won the lottery with his ticket of Commander William T. Riker /******************************************************************/ /* Scene in which a great deal of stuff happens: Non-SWILBusiness */ /******************************************************************/ There was an Easter Egg hunt, starting at Parrish Porch, on Sunday. The clues were beta-tested this year. Most of the candy was actually found. Monday morning 7:30 - 9:30 was Qian's penultimate radio show. Monday morning 9:30 - 10:30 was something else on Qian's schedule. We voted to revoke Qian's Non-SWILBusiness privileges after she read out her schedule for the entire coming week. At the Swarthmore Public Library, there will be a book sale with actual books starting at 10 AM on Thursday and continuing through Saturday. Jim wants to have a Roundsing soon. "Old" Ben is planning Mystery Seder 5763 (or maybe 4) - The Prince of Egypt will be played. Toys were played with in Hicks Saturday after meeting. By someone. /*******************/ /* Attendance List */ /*******************/ //Attendance List of Star Trek is your favorite TV show// Mai "Atropos" Pucik Jillian "Clotho" Waldman Kelsey "Lachesis" Hollenback Horatio "This is Stupid" Hornblower Archie "Prone to Panic" Kennedy Nick "Tied Up" Ward John "Purple" Ward Abby "I have a house!" Friendman Jim Moskowitz in C# minor, op 32 #2 benjamin "eek! a flamingo!" r, george callicles "eek! another flamingo!" the Moose ~Sam "Yes, that is a stuffed moose in my pocket and (underlined) I'm happy to see you" Crane (... - all) Amy' "I bet there's a large group of confused Sharples employees outside the door" Marinello Ben "This isn't a coup, it's a civil war!" Kyra "FISH IS EVERYWHERE!!!!" Jucovy ~Elliot "How many counter-insurgencies does one master of unholy power _need_?" Qian "lemon sorbet" Qian* (the discerning fates prefer raspberry and mango.) Ben "(rebus of matzah)" Newman (i thought it was a clock. a messy clock. - a) M. Jawaad "For the Revolution!" Hussain Lucky Jack "Hornblower sucks" Aubrey Chris "I hate you Mark, die" Segal Greg "The Pro-president counter-insurgent movement shall never die!" Robinson Blake "Way to show up with reinforcements" Setlow Arthur "Independent sovereign state" Chu (not after we're through with you. snip snip. - a, brandishing her shears) David "I cast ÔConfu' on the footnote below!" Benitez ("i always get ignored. and i always get laughed at, too ..." - benitez, on the computer next to us) * THIS FOOTNOTE IS (NEVER, crossed out) NOW CONFUSED! Adam "Trapped in a Temporal Causality Loop" Oleksa Adam "Trapped in a Temporal Causality Loop" Oleksa Adam "Trapped in a Temporal Causality Loop" Oleksa Adam "Trapped in a Temporal Causality Loop" Oleksa Adam "Trapped in a Temporal Causality Loop" Oleksa * note: continue ad infinitum Rachel "Mai's roommate" Winer Jason "Rachel's boyfriend" Bronstein BDan "mastermind in black" Fairchild Miriam DOPEY "FREED FROM THE LAND OF MITZRAYIM" GALOSHES* * THIS FOOTNOTE IS KOSHER L'PESACH. Nick "The other Nick is an imposter!" Ward Nick "No I'm not!" Ward Nick "You can tell, his nose is fake!" Ward Nick "Is not!" Ward /***************/ /* End Credits */ /***************/ All around me darkness gathers, Faded is the sun that shone, We must speak of other matters, You can be me when I'm gone. - Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos; "Sandman: The Kindly Ones", by Neil Gaiman. Vanished on the wings of a flamingo, Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos.