/****************/ /* SWILNews #12 */ /****************/ //SWILNews #12 is Trapped on a Desert Island// The Diary of SWILNews #n's experience being trapped on a desert island. With appologies to CassieClaire. (This has got to be the worst thing I've ever done -d) /****************/ /* SWILBusiness */ /****************/ Day 1: Ship sank. Stupid ship. Swam to deserted desert island. V. pretty. Not as pretty as leather boots. Too bad waterlogged. (Please keep this water-log short -d)( with a log -d) Day 2: Found rabble. Didn't know how to get home. V. pathetic. Still not rescued. Day 4: Emergence of counter-insurgency. Rebels late. Time acting all superior, not participating because would reduce chance of winning lottery to zero. Jonathan reforged sword that was broken. Still not rescued. (Why am I doing this? -d) Day 7: Walpurgishnacht started. In Bond. Suspect gaming happened before hand, but not there to find out. Still not rescued. Day 11: Missed deadline to order T-shirts from Jillian. Must remember to find here when I get back and get a left-over. Hopefully not all distributed by time I get home. Day 12: Think sun is affecting self. Keep muttering 'Submit people, you stupid illiterate books.' Still not rescued. Day 14: Missed senior remembrances. Think self could have been rescued in two weeks, but not. Hope e-mailbox not full so I can receive e-mail without annoying ISP. (Beware the deadly strike and venom of the ISP. -d) ( -d) Day 19: V. lonely on island. V. hot too. Must resist urge to remove shirt, else become slashly like 2nd cousin #4. Day 22: Missed v. long meeting of movie nomiations. Wonder if e-mail box full yet. Day 23: Had urge all day to watch X-Men 1.5. Don't know why. Perhaps was SWILMovie. /***********/ /* Lottery */ /***********/ Day 27: V. bored. Made stick figures, held SWIL Lottery. Dan Blim won, chose magic coin box. V. silly, did not take mystery bowl. Day 29: Had out of body experience as Jawaad. Had out of body experience of being proved sentient. Unimpressed by self's lineage as Jawaad. V. strange. Wonder if all these things connected. Still not rescued. /********************/ /* Non-SWILBusiness */ /********************/ Day 35: People will be living in Philly next year. Wish I could be in Philly instead of stupid desert island. Day 37: Fortified island. V. much like fortified gaming in Bond, as happened so long ago. Don't have toolbox of games like Robert and Rebecca. Day 38: Losers under table. Not sure how this is possible as I don't have a table. Day 40: The Eye of Argon was read long time ago. Am glad, for story v. bad. Rube Goldberg-like movie before Eye of Argon supposed to be V. good. Day 42: Had disturbing mental image of Abby and Comma, duct-taped together and role-playing siamese twin elves, one of whom is evil and one of whom is a cook. V. strange. Lack of proper food must be affecting mental capacity. Day 43: Missed Jamboree. Recited Jamboree: the Tragedy to self. Definately not naked rendition. Day 45: No Night of Scenes on desert island. Instead must watch stars all night. Really nothing happening in the star scene. Day 46: Instead of going to Jim's collaging, made collage of driftwood. Tide carried it away. Day 48: The Mets still suck, but I don't think BDan is still sitting on the games toolbox. Still not rescued. Day 50: Jawaad told Arthur to stop having a baby. Sun must really be affecting me. That or too many coconut martinis. V. bad to get drunk on empty stomach. Day 52: Tried to hold roundsing under tree. Coconuts did not approve of my singing, threw themselves at my head to make me stop. V. painful. Day 55: Missed the opening nights of X-Men 2 and Matrix Reloaded. Maybe still in theaters by time I get back? Day 57: Appointed Arthur ambassador to Spam, but did not grant diplomatic immunity. Hungry, but not that hungry. Day 58: Found attendance list washed up in bottle. V. entertaining. /*******************/ /* Attendance List */ /*******************/ //The Attendance List of I'm in Favor of a Piece of Paper That People Write Our Names On// John "The Presidents are schizo" Finkbiner Rachel "I think my misery poker hand can compete with the seniors" Sapiro ~Elliot "I'm very scared" Reed (And that was before reading the SWILNews -d) Robert "Homeless to homeowner in 13 months" McFarland Rebecca "mmm...mice brains" McFarland (I hope these two quotes aren't related -d) benjamin 'bigotry against the science center' r, george Abby "Russian makes my head hurt" Friedman Kelsey "I swear that the Russian was J'iliad's idea, I wanted to have Les Mes songs in order of appearance" Hollenback (And y'all complained about my lotteries... -d) Horatio "I'm so much sexier than Jack Aubrey" Hornblower (Still the prettiest? -d) Jillian "Just wait till next year..." Waldman Arthur "The spirit convicts thee of thy iniquity" Chu Anna "legendary sicko who walks in a circle, now eating lunch at the home of the gods." Ben "-------------------------" Newman Greg "I AM GOD; I have independant coroboration" Robinson Jack "Goldilocks" Aubrey and His Majesty's Sloop Sophie Chris "Oh my God, SWIL is _so_ a cult" Segal (DUH! -d) Mohammed Jawaad "GENEALOGY CENSORED" Qian "livejournal qianian (but don't tell my mom" Qian * (What's with things being unclosed? -d DOPEY "AN OLD MAN NOW" GALOSHES **** Raoul "Child of Paradise" Bagley Stephen "I'm so much sexier than Bush" Maturin Dan "a resounding clap" Blim Ludwig Van "bum bum-bum bum bum" Beethoven Jim "Sing a song of sixpence, rocket full of pie" Moskowitz (but rye is so much easier to clean out of a pocket than pie out of a rocket -d) BDan "Silence is preciousss" Fairchild (Please turn off cell phones and pagers. -d) JC "General Piotr Virkissigan" Ravage Nick "My God, it's full of bananas!" Ward Kyra "It's tike to get this puppy started" Jucovy Amy' "I'm in favor of writing my own name" Marinello (but this SWILNews is a product of the state of Indiana, and you're not here write now -d) MARK "SIGH" HANDLER **** THIS FOOTNOTE HAS BEEEN PLAGIARIZED (SEE BELOW) * This footnote IS TURNING INTO JONATHAN /***********/ /* The End */ /***********/ Day 60: Eaten by cannibals. Stupid cannibals. Death