From jgoldie @ sccs.swarthmore.edu Fri Mar 19 15:48:41 2004
Date: Sat, 14 Feb 2004 16:24:43 -0500 (EST)
From: Jillian G. Waldman 
Reply-To: Dubious Yet Illustrious Leaders 
To: SWIL List:  ;
Subject: I never meta SWILnews #4 I didn't like

The question of the accessibility of SWILnews has been discussed many
times.  In an attempt to resolve this issue, many novel and perhaps
controversial approaches have been suggested.  In this paper, we will
attempt to resolve the question once and for all.

(The meeting was called to disorder at 12:07 p.m. -tgv)

Suppose that one were to suppress the fundamental urge to obfuscate and to
unnecessarily expoound upon the most profound and elementary qualities
inherent in the collective of sentients known as SWIL. (we're going to run
out of these words -v) (no we're not. people get majors in using these
words -g)

(The rabble was pathetic. -tgv)

(The next sentence in the notes is "They had all received Valentine's Day
cards from the HP Lovecraft Holiday Fun Club" -v) (We don't have to
include that, but we should include something about the Holiday Fun Club
-g)(i don't get to say anything at all? -t)(say something -v)(you're
putting that in comments? -t) (someone is going to hate us for this,
possibly even me -g)

One might then choose to delve more deeply into the realm of the paradigm
upon which is based the subconscious desire of the individual to obtain an
enlightened perspective of his role within the universe at large.  (subjunctive
 is always better -v)(what are we trying to say? -v)(I don't
know. That's part of the problem. -g)

(I think you can use control-J to justify those -g)(My life is so much
easier -v)(not going in the comments -v)(oh yes it is. new line. -g)(you
should mention something about silly punning first. -g)(who said SWILnews
is for anyone else's entertainment? it's for our own -g)(no, no, that's
not what I said at all -g)(I said *pine*, not punning -g)

(The press was present at meeting, in the form of Alex Leader-Smith,
phoenix reporter. -tgv)(leader spelled how? oh.  so leader as in follow
the leader, not leader as in the title of dan blim's radio show. -g)(how
do you spell that? -v)(I believe it's ei. Lei-.  Wait, no it's not. Gosh
darn it. -g)

(this is going to take forever - v)(yes it is. that gets commented. -g)

(I think it's -ie-. -g)

(the rabble was long, but pathetic, actually. not just pathetic -v)

In the pursuit of this goal, one might also investigate the influences of
the consumerist observations of today's world upon the psyche of the
hypothetical subject.

(Happy Valentine's Day from Andrew on behalf of the HPLHFC - -tgv)(what's
his first name? -v)(whose? -g)(Howard Phillips Lovecraft Holiday Fan Club
-tgv)(carry on -g)(We introduced ourselves to the press -tgv)(it's
relevant - v)(no it's not -g)(yes it is -v)(people are going to kill us
-g)(swishy skirt! -v)

(We talked about the impending Massacre.  JC and a few select other
thugtrons weren't present. He told us before meeting to announce that
"Little Al demands trenchcoats, or there will be blood.  That means you,
Noda, and you, Comma.  We want one more, or else.  Bring them to the big
room, by the far left corner, at 5:00 sharp." but we didn't.  Also, Comma
wasn't there. -tgv)

(how's it coming? -t)(slow, but that's the nature of the beast -g)(I was
particularly fond of SWILBassness -t)(have we gotten any emails about
that, by the way? -t)(not yet. we will -g)(*sigh* -g)

These influences, combined with the incidental trauma of selectively and
objectively experiencing childbirth, form an essential bond between the
soul and the ether of the cognitive experiencer.

(Andrew the scribe of swilnews.... -t)

(Movies.  Lots and lots of movies. We discussed how people should loan
SWIL movies for SWILmovie, especially ones not owned by TRIPOD.  We need
them in physical form, preferably as videos or DVDs.  We will check the
Swarthmore Public Library, even though it allegedly charges people to
check out movies. And we should all get library cards. -tgv)

(I wonder if there's any silent film porn. That would be terribly amusing
-t)(Maybe as a more recent sort of artsy project - I don't think such a
thing would be really socially acceptable in the days of silent movies
-g)(I'm not saying mainstream -t)

(this is so bizarre -g)

(Submit to BEM, the speculative fiction magazine, by February 29th.  The
deadline is absolute, final, and binding.  Poetry, art, etc. is wanted.
Jim's multilingual census booklets were not deemed to be acceptable BEM
submissions, unless they were his own work.  According to Gregory Frost,
publishing writing in BEM doesn't take away first-printing rights from
later publishers, so if that's what was stopping you, it shouldn't be.
-tgv)

But if we allow that the cognitive experience is really a metaphor for the
Christian concept of original sin, this allows us to reinterpret the
Gospel along the lines of a post-apocalyptic melodrama in which the
Magdalene can be considered a Christ-figure.

(I don't know where that came from, but I don't see why not -g)(by the
way, have you guys heard of the passion by Mel Gibson. It's pretty wanky.
-t)

(We announced the deadline for T-shirt submissions, which is March 20th.
Bring submissions to meeting on that day, or email them to
presidents @ swil.org before that day.  Voting will occur at meeting the
following week, on March 27th.  We plan to post submissions online, so
that non-local nonmembers - -tgv)

(aren't most non-locals members? -g)(re-members. -v)(born-again members
-g)

(can vote on t-shirt designs.  Born-again members will send email votes to
presidents by the 27th, and we'll have in-person voting at meeting that
day. -tgv)

(sfdt I believe is next -g)(The science fiction discussion table will
meet, as usual, at 5:30 pm on tuesday in Sharples.  The topic of
discussion will be Artifical Intelligence.  According to BDan and Tall,
people like Greg Frost may show up at some point -tgv)(isn't there some
kind of take your professor to lunch plan? -g)

In a not dissimilar fashion, the idealized community of surfer-turtles, as
documented in Finding Nemo (2003, Pixar) exemplifies the virtues of a
utopia based upon a carefree lifestyle combined with domed carapaces and
mind-altering substances.  In this interpretation, the aquatic vortex
through which the protagonists must travel represents Charybdis.
Alternatively, the homoerotic connotations between the lost Nemo and the
frustrated Gill reach their symbolic climax as

(I wanted to put something about the
vortex - v)(what's all this vortex subtext? -g) (they believe Marlin to
have failed in his quest just as they go through the vortex? -t)

their world comes crashing down around them.

(Tall is writing a Cooper Grant proposal to bring Neil Gaiman to campus,
but it's due in 10 days -tgv)(nine? -v)(the cooper grant is due on the
23rd -t)

(Stupid illiterate people should nominate books.  We passed around the
notebook. Someone nominated Oolon Colluphid's classis bestseller,
_So_Who_Is_This_"God"_Person,_Anyway_. -tgv)

(Tonight's Saturday Night SWIL will be Violent Games, in the ML Lounge at
9 pm.  Dress appropriately.  Next week's Saturday Night SWIL will be
gaming in Tarble, to coincide with the English-Scottish Ball, which
is probably at 8 in Upper Tarble. -tgv)

(John Fombonne still hasn't emailed Grande about PACES availability for
the Kegger.  Therefore he delegated it to Jawaad.  We discussed alternate
times, dates, and locations, including he weekend of April 23rd, and Olde
Club. We also need DJ's for the Kegger.  They will be paid for their time.
Arthur and Tall volunteered.  -tgv)

(The presidents invoked Executive Rule #4 to allow Alex [insert middle
name] Leader-Smith to prove sentience.  Arthur provided the proof, which
we provide you at http://www.swil.org/SWILnews/Spring04/ALSproof.pdf.
Alex read it. He was eventually decided sentient because of his ability to
traverse Arthur's alternate universes, e.g., winning arm-wrestling matches
that he actually lost. -tgv)

(We voted that Arthur would cease to exist after Alex finished being
proven sentient.  He was forcibly removed from the meeting when he
resisted having his mouth duct-taped shut.  While he was gone, we also
revoked his communication privileges, because the proof was just that
horrid. -tgv)

Let us consider, as an alternative to live turtles, turtle soup. This is
the anti-utopia corresponding to the example cited above, in which turtles
are mindlessly slaughtered and consumed by the relentless machinations of
their human oppressors, in pursuit of the higher culinary arts.  Those who
partake in this orgy of carnal delight are clearly substituting the
slaughtered turtle for their same-sex caretaker.  It is proposed that this
behavior be in the future referred to as the Edible Oedipal Complex.

(That's our transition to edible oedipal theory -g)(oh god that's a mess
of voicings -g)

(Adam Oleksa won the lottery.  Like many others before him, he turned down
the cockroach in favor of the mystery mug.  This time it turned out to be
instant hot chocolate with marshmallows - just add hot milk! -tgv)

(It was Anna Lee's birthday yesterday.  Therefore after meeting she's
going to Parrish to pick up a cake, which she will then eat with whoever
goes with her. -tgv)

(Andrew is showing 10th Kingdom episodes again at 2:30 Sunday in NuPont
101.  If people want to be in his GURPS campaign, they should tell him
after meeting. -tgv)

(Jim mentioned Fine Games' sale, which is 25% off of their usual 30% off
for one game.  Their website is www.finegames.com. Finally, the
English-Scottish Ball is on next Saturday, 8-11ish. And people should
make prop. -tgv)

In conclusion, we can draw together these diverse elements into a
convincing argument for the use of rhetoric as a substitute for romantic
and/or parental affection, through the application of the culinary arts
and the liberal use of Unapplied Non-Sequitur Theory.

(Acknowledgements: -tgv)

(Attendance List of People Have to Vote For You First -tgv)
(2-14-04 -tgv)
(Andrew "Il Duce" Conforti Brown -tgv)
(BDan "The WD-40'd wheel is golden" Fairchild -tgv)
(Sarah "Wisconsin?!" Hartman -tgv)
(Jackie "Harlot of the Elysium Fields" Werner -tgv)(It should be "Elysian
	fields", not "Elysium fields", but that's okay -v)
(Samuel "I was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet, stuck
	in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying 'Beware of
	the Leopard'" Jenkins -tgv)
(Adam "Often brings mouth to gunfight" Oleksa -tgv)
(Michael "Miho-sama... CREEPY ja nai, wo..." Noda -tgv)
(Alexandr "Yes, everyone, let's all talk to Zoidberg!" Pshnichkin -tgv)
(Susan "Absolute Destiny Apocalypse" Zell -tgv)
(Eliza "Acer Griseum" Blair -tgv)
(Jim "Vote Late and Seldom" Moskowitz -tgv)
(Greg "Marginal Improvement Man" Robinson -tgv)
(Jessica "Make one up" Robins -tgv) (transcribed by Jim -tgv)
(Arthur "I Da Man (Ida Mann?)" Chu -tgv)
(Alex "The Interloper" Leader-Smith -tgv)
(Anna "drifting in & out of invisibility" Lee -tgv)
(Jerome "The Chickens...Get Into...The TO-MA-TOES" Fung -tgv)
(JONATHAN "HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY [picture of 4-leafed clover]" SCHNEIDER
	-tgv)
(M. Jawaad "I hope St. Valentine died of the syphilis" Hussain -tgv)
(* SELF-REFERENTIAL FOOTNOTE * -tgv)
(Rachel "teervee terebadim hol eenha" Sapiro -tgv)
(Ben "?ham" Newman -tgv)
(Blake " *Unable to provide ascii representation or transliteration* "
	Setlow -tgv)
(Mai "l-l35 60+ rAl)104(+1v3 8100l)" Pucik -tgv)
(Ben "special instructions" Thuroni -tgv)
(MARK "MIME WITH EPILEPSY" HANDLER -tgv)
(Jillian "Something" Waldman -tgv)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brought to you by the 300 km/h presidency
Tall, Grande, Venti