From mpucik @ sccs.swarthmore.edu Sat Jan 29 00:33:14 2005 Date: Sat, 29 Jan 2005 00:21:25 -0500 (EST) From: mpucik @ sccs.swarthmore.edu Reply-To: presidents @ swil.org To: swilnews @ swil.org Subject: SWILnews #1: The Power In Front of the Throne This week in Swil --------------------------- Monday 24th: SWILmovie - Interview with the Vampire Thursday 27th: SFDT - What We Did Over Break (slash-free!!!!!!!!!) (oh, that is the sign of a deranged mind. -m)(yes, and?! -f) Monday 31st: SWILmovie - The Rocketeer Monday 14th February - The (St. Valentine's Day) Massacre (Sharples middle room) [Thugtrons wanted!] Saturday 26th February - The ("Root" Beer) Kegger (Paces) Thursdays 5:30 SFDT Alex Pshenichkin is running: SFDT Jackie Werner is: MiniProp, Cordwainer Bird Librarian Finlay Logan is: 1/2 of the webmaster Marie Cosgrove-Davies is: 1/2 of the webmaster [together, they make...WEBMECH! -m], Slave of the Silver Screen Susan Zell is: in Germany, also 1/2 of the coeds of BEM Miriam Newman is: 1/2 of the coeds of BEM, Loremaster's apprentice Sarah Hartman is: "Keeper of the Filkbooks", getting decorations for the Kegger Jerome Fung is: Food and Keg [Mmm... Fung... -m] Mai Pucik is DJ-ing the Kegger, but needs help. The waitrons for the Massacre are: Lauren Goodfriend, Eliza Blair, and Sarah Hartman We might or might not need a treasurer. Saturday Night SWIL might be dead. Check your local listings. SWILbusiness --------------------------- Behold, for this is the record of the first meeting of an illustrious new reign (or perhaps snow) of a new presidency! Iron Curtain (Jillian Waldman '06), Iron Man (Andrew Brown '07), and Iron Fist (Mai Pucik '06) called the meeting to disorder at 12:15. Mark was not pathetic, against his will. Sarah is tampering with the notes. [You're one to talk -c] Iron Man asked if it was too early to talk about the Massacre. For once, it was not. Many years ago, before even the eldest alumni were born, a number of gangsters were gunned down by Al Capone in a parking garage on February 14th. This should have happened in a classy institution complete with lines from classic gangstar movies. [This makes me sad, because I want to pump eggs -f] To commemorate the event, we hold the Valentine's Day Massacre Memorial Massacre [Memorial Massacre Memorial Massacre Memorial Massacre -m] [Bad Andrew -c] During this event, the 'Victrons' have a nice meal, served to them by the most available volunteer whores, called 'Waitrons', at the end of which they are gunned down by people dressed in trench coats, fedoras, and carrying cap guns. Naturally, this leads to some confusion at the card swipe. So, we sent around a list asking who wanted to participate. Before we did all this, we appointed a new scribe, which may or may not be temporary. Sarah, Goddess of all that is [hey, what did she write in here? -m] agreed to keep notes. In a desperate attempt to revive the ancient tradition of Loremaster, we all secretly hoped Noda would wake up so he could choose the lucky one amongst us who would become his apprentice. [You mean not-so-secretly -f] Having tricked his way out of the onerous duties of Cordwainer Librarian, Meredith passed them onto Jackie, in the hopes the strain would kill her, especially after he saddles her with the duty of reviving SWILCon. [of what? -f] [If I say it enough times, maybe Jackie will make it happen -m] Send her lists of books you want her to buy. Also, if you want to become her minion. [Don't do it; she's a witch! And she's tried to kill me dozens of times! -m] In an astonishing display of interest, we got a webmaster. Finlay and Marie have been given control over the SWIL website; we only pray they will not use their new-found powers for evil. [That's...hold on-FINLAY. -f] [They know how to do, like-style sheets! -c] [That means the website can be pretty, instead of, you know, hideous -f] Noda woke up, and Miriam declared interest in becoming the next Loremaster. This indicates she knows everything. [What is the air speed... -m] Then, after a heated discussion over the merits of keeping the filkbooks and, you know, actually filking, we voted on Sarah to use her knowledge of Bryn Mawr to become "Keeper of the Filkbooks". We then voted to trust her to do this until she betrays us. [Mwahahahaha -s] [I'm doing my cuneiform homework, which is so much more awesome than anyone else's homework. Hahahahahahaha!!!!!! -f] [I want to be quoted on that! -f] We then re-appointed Marie as Protector of the Silver Screen, aka Movie Monkey. We will worship her, because she will be the only person at SWILmovie. [Please go to SWILmovie so that Jackie's life has purpose. -m] Jackie is still MiniProp. Make prop. Post prop. You love prop. You want prop. You need prop. [You want Jackie. You need Jackie. You love Jackie -c] Sarah and Eliza and Lauren Goodfriend will be Waitrons for above-mentioned Massacre. [Are you mad that I'm sitting down here doing my cuneiform homework? -f] [No, we're just writing nasty comments about you and making stuff up. Like that one time, at nerd camp- -m] It was suggested that the night before the Massacre (Sunday, February 13th), the Thugtrons and Victrons watch "Some Like it Hot" to get in the mood. [Can we put "in the mood" in quotes -c] [And here I was going to put a snarky comment about going to the Massacre in drag. -m] [does that mean you're not going to the massacre in drag? -c] [In all actuality, I'm probably going be wearing my gi, as I may go straight to karate from there. So I'll be the yakuza -m] [but andrew would be so pretty in drag! -f] [There was something about sparkly pink tutus. And Andrew's sister. -c] Andrew was not paying attention; instead, he was looking at the black dragon that his party was NOT going to fight. [But why should I pay attention when someone else is taking the notes? -m] Then we talked about the Kegger. The Kegger is in fact the Root Beer (and, apparently, Birch Beer) Kegger, one of the few dry parties on campus. It will be on Saturday, February 26th at 10 PM until stuff goes down. Every year, there is a theme. We discussed what the theme would be. *Someone* suggested the theme be "Pyrex of the Caribbean". There was general approval [It's killing my soul! -m] Someone else suggested robots fighting dinosaurs. There was general approval. The theme is "Pyrex of the Caribbean", because "with SAC money, we could get a lot of Pyrex things." [The notes suggest that this is a good idea. The notes are sadly mistaken. -c] Jerome said he would get the food and keg. Sarah is in charge of decorations [lab equipment -m]. Mai volunteered to DJ. Several absent frosh were volunteered to DJ. If you want to DJ the Kegger, contact the presidents. We need 3+. Mai likes lip balm. [I'm not sure why this is relevant, but it's obviously very important. -m] We voted to keep Mark in a box (with air holes) in George for all of eternity, occasionally letting him out to drive us places. This is evidently our best and brightest hope. Nick needs to print currency. And we need to get SBC or somebody to buy us a button machine. Nominate books, you stupid illiterate people! And then Jackie can ignore them, because we have too many books anyway. SFDT is being revamped. First radical new change: Alex is in charge [This should be indicitive of the direction it will be taking -m] Second new change: we will discuss the next week's topic at SFDT, so that bored SWILlies who spend their Thursdays wondering why SWIL Table is deserted do not dictate a random topic that leaves the discussers sitting around awkwardly until someone starts talking about slash. [Yes, now it takes a full hour before that happens! -m] SFDT is once again Thursdays at 5:30 in Upper Sharples [Unless the Yearbook, Multi, Sigma Xi, or anyone else gets there first, at which point, there will be bloodshed -m] [I don't think Sigma Xi meets for dinner... -c] [That's what Alex told us -m] [which? the meeting for dinner, the bloodshed, or the not meeting for dinner? -c] [I don't think I have to answer that question -m] We discussed Saturday Night SWIL, and decided that [*feeds Curtain Cheez-its* - f] [Neko-Mai begs for Cheez-its] it's sort of kind of dead. [Mrrao -f] [*picks up long PVC pipe* -m] [I tried to make a woodwind instrument out of one of these things once. It didn't turn out well. -m] If somebody wants to run an event on a Saturday Night some week and call it Saturday Night SWIL, they might be able to bring it back from the sort of kind of dead [unless it has blackjack. and hookers -m]. We will wait and see. Jimmosk said that Jillian was cool for writing and mailing out SWILnews. For some reason this turned into everyone trying to make Jillian blush by staring at her. [where's Mai when you need her? I wanted to see if we could make you blush now. -m] They claim to have succeeded. [It certainly looked like you were blushing -m] [die! -c] [what would *you* do if all of SWIL was staring at you at once? -c] [Offer to strip -m] [That's... um... good to know. -c] [They stop looking and I figure out which SWILlies want to see me naked. It's a win-win situation -m] Mai is trying to figure out if she needs to re-apply for a Cooper Grant to get Neil Gaiman to come (which he didn't, due to a scheduling monstrosity that is the event coordinator's fault), and Craig Williamson is trying to figure out if Neil Gaiman can come, which will probably happen next academic year. Asking Mai about this is a surefire way to a swift, painful death. Either that, or a swift, sonic death. [We heard her at Inauguration. We do not want to hear her again -m] Mark, improbably enough, won the lottery [Fireball! -m] It was a slinky. Ben Newman determined that it had two distinct ways of bouncing, but the physicist will spare you all an explanation of this. Then there was... [Wait for it -m] NON-SWIL BUSINESS There was gaming in Sharples after meeting, because Mark wasn't walking anywhere in the snow. The Mark/Qian/Arthur [you know, the internet has ruined that punctuation mark -m] birthday party was at 7:30 in Bond, and eventually happened, but there was no Wink. The English-Scottish ball is Saturday, February 19th, which is convenient for anyone who can't get tickets for the They Might Be Giants concert on the same night. [Or those of you who would rather go to the ball, but the presidency cannot condone such a philosophy -m] -------------------------------------------------------------------- Attendance List of the Precipitatory Event of Terror Chris "Whatever is not part of the solution, is part of the percipitatete" Jager Miriam "The Rochester Bundle" Newman [of...? -c] Blair "Giant Petri Dish" Reaser Jim "New year, new orifice" Moskowitz [is this some strange meaning of the word orifice I hadn't previously encountered? -c] [No, I think this is a side of Jim we hadn;t encountered -m] Lauren "Slathered in Peanut Butter" Goodfriend benjamin 'two ducks for a brick?' r, george Jackie "Belligerent pony" Werner ~Elliot "corporate drone" Reed Alex "Jackie 'A little kitty cat that wants to kill you' Werner" Pshenichkin Eliza "Ninjas __never__ take the stairs" Blair Jerome "Pike pole = phallic symbol ?" Fung [this is the pike and pole paradox? -c] Raoul "Child of paradise" Bagley Marie "Effectiveness Girl" Cosgrove-Davies Abby "Delirium is sometimes interesting" Graber Emmanuelle "Yeah, I'm Fine" Wambach Mike "Seeker of the Frail" Karcher Dan " " " " Klothe JC "Vorkosigan/Buffy fanfic" Ravage Michael "Taking on a young Padawan Learner" Noda Ben "..." Newman Venger "Running fighting! Shooting dying!" Jamison II MARK "I'VE GOT MY IMAGINARY FRIENDS" HANDLER BDan "snow" Fairchild Mary "Meh." Wootters Sarah "new snow boots!" Hartman Finlay "ruler of everything" logan Muhammed "ibn Muhammed ibm Muhammed ibm Muhammed" al-Ghazali Meredith "i [heart] Raoul" Conforti Brown Mai "But a smiley is conversation!" Pucik Jillian "Death?" Waldman With Very Little Subtext, Man, Curtain, Fist, the Presidency of Irony