From acbrown @ sccs.swarthmore.edu Wed Feb 9 23:27:16 2005 Date: Wed, 9 Feb 2005 23:02:39 -0500 (EST) From: Andrew C. Brown Reply-To: presidents @ swil.org To: swilnews @ swil.org Subject: SWILnews #3: In Which Irony is Bitter Summary: Shit happened. We don't know when the Kegger is. SAC ought to be beaten with their own budgets. Rawr. Slash and vampires. [Rend and tear! -Finlay] SWILmeeting: Meeting was called to disorder at 12:14 PM. Bleh. We decided Mark was pathetic. We don't know when the Kegger will be. This is SC's fault. They should be beaten until they stop thinking conscious thoughts. It may be March 18. Or April 2. Or something. It won't conflict with Sager or Screw, whenever Screw is. [*angst*! -c] It was suggested that we have the party in New Dorm. Jamison is running the Spring Dactyl Hunt. It was during the Superbowl. Submit to BEM! &c. [when do we get to dominate BEM? -f] [I feel like it was done. In the 80's or something. -c] Jackie told us not to nominate books, you stupid illiterate people. [shouldn't it be 'literate' there? because they've nominated too many books? -f] There was a signup to register those who had the Garnet Death. There were names on it. T-shirt designs should be designed on pen and paper such that we can have t-shirts. [Lauren Smith is still running T-shirts. -c] Also, the presidents need to schedule the deadline, Walpurgisinacht, [There's no sin in Walpurgisnacht -c] and Remembrances, Schlock, and movies. [I hate my job. -m] Jackie taped Jamison's mouth shut. [but only with scotch tape -c] Oddly enough, this was an improvement, as Nick started narrating. [And it was amazing. Like Herbal Essences. -f] [which is a joke, referring to comments we already wrote at the end of the swilnews -f] [it's so... nonlinear. I love it. -f] SWIL has a board, which we stole from the Deans [Like pirates! And you didn't want the stupid Pyrex theme for the kegger -m] It was decided that Nick, head of the Department of Engraving, should print money, and kill ex-presidents so we can put their faces on the money. Mark did not mean to volunteer [But he's such a *killable* ex-president! -m] Mark won the lottery again, demonstrating his absolute control over the powers of probability, or at least Andrew's dice. [Shgmnmn -m] He won an unwashed PA shirt, indicating that you may control the universe, but you can't choose what you get for it. [Just pretend it was something meaningful; I'm tired and depressed -m] NonSWILbusiness: Ruach will be showing Jewish South Park episodes on Thursday. See you local friendly Viva for details. [I like the episode with the giant head of Moses. It was shiny -m] There was something vaguely resembling a moment of silence for the passing of Star Trek. [It was actually Ben humming the theme song in memoriam -c] [Bah! They'll come up with an even worse bastardization next season. Until then, we can remember it being vaguely good -m] On February nth there will be a They Might Be Giants concert [19] and an English-Scottish Ball. Go to one of them. [No! You need to kill more people because you're bad at it -Alex, the pink-haired Russian] Your only excuse for not going to the ball is going to the TMBG concert. Those who try to use death as an excuse will have their corpses reanimated and dragged to the ball; Andrew wants to practice necromancy. Mai is now a real boy. [Yay! -f] [Doesn't that change the gender balance in the quad? -m] Ben is running an RPG. It is odd and new and different. Talk to him about it. You should have gone to the party at Olde Club last Saturday. It was shiny and had rave-stuff. There was a conga line. I think. And then the meeting ended. SQUISH. -------------------------------------------------------- Attendance List of 'Silence is Golden' Nick "Sad. I'm Midas." Ward MARK "DINER MY SHINY SHINY LOVE" HANDLER [You know, if you really think about it, "Handler" sounds like a porn name -m] [comment! comment! comment! comment! -f] [you should put in Mai's orgasmic 'comment!'s -m] [they're more Herbal Essences - f ] [derpaderpaderpaderper -jamison] PILE OF "IT AIN'T EASY BEING GREEN" PICKLES Ben " " Newman Jackie "Longitude, BITCH!" Werner [so who's the latitude bastard is what I want to know -f] [I'll be the latitude bastard forever - jamison] Eliza "Substitute Jack Black" Blair Video "Tiny and Shiny!" Camera Jamison [the best! the best of the three! -jamison] "Intense Robot Karate Chop Zombie-Van-Helsing-Jesus Action" Nuenschwanderschmidt Marie "Postponement? What postponement?" Cosgrove-Davies Mary "I'm not sick anymore! I'm better than you!" Wootters Abigail "Quiet, or I'll set my streptobaccylli on you Graber Bill "The Visigoth" Welsch George "George D'Hal" Dahl George "The person, not the [why do we have so many georges? -c] [we could start charging a george tax. you know, stab him every time he writes his name -m] computer" Dahl Joe " Goes to mating once a month" Grimm Mike "Livin' La Vida Mothy" Karcher Emmanuelle "Meep" Wambach Michael "Flu vaccines are reserved for those who are about to die anyway of other things" Noda Mikio "I'm not sick and I'm __not__ Michael Karcher, Mom" Akagi [quick, we must rob Kit of his innocence! -alex] [mmmm... -alex] {illegible scribble} <-- Also I am sorry for this Lauren "pointless flu-fuelled aggression" Smith Sarah "Angst! Angst!" Hartman Jamison "Two Times McGinley" Jamissonian Operator [no! I have quantum homework! bad! -c] [don't be sad, Jillian, it wasn't really the Jamissonian Operator -jamison] [maybe it was his porn name -alex][eeew! jamisonsex! -f] [it's worse than marksex! -alex] [no, actually not -f] [there are many things worse than marksex -alex] [schumannsex! -m] [was he circumcised or not? -f] Blake "Break Your Glouatish" Setlow Mai [I am cool -f] "Devil Duckies of Death and Doom" Pucik Andrew [who's going to go see TRON ON VALENTINE's DAY???] Conforti Brown Jillian [I need a sig.] Waldman [is this a vibrator or a pen? -f] [why would Andrew...? -c] [Andrew, your vibrator is so *cute*! -f] [great, now Miriam is here and Andrew's gone into a murderous rage -alex] [do you want me to wash your brain out with soap? -alex] [do we really have to do this? because really, if everything in the world vibrated, nobody would notice. -jamison] [now Mai's dead. -jamison] [mai, your stupid hole punch almost punctured my head -f] [wait, there's actually a jamisonnian operator? -jamison] ---------------------------------------- DEATH LIST [death @ swil.org? -c] (a.k.a "I have (had) the Garnet Death") [beargasmic, in fact -alex] Name e-mail Currently? Andrew acbrown @ sccs ? Mai mpucik @ sccs ? Marie mcosgro1 Dead [duckie! duckie! no, the thingy fell over! -f] [put the vulcan down! -m] [he's not a vulcan, he just has the tri-force -jamison] Marie, Vitamin C vitc1 Healthy Mary mwootte1 Getting better! Abigail Graber agraber1 in death throes Mikio Akagi makagi1 fending it off with style and finesse [can you kill people? kill someone! -jamison] [and, cue angry music! -alex] Lauren Smith lsmith4 killing your family Sarah Hartman shartma1 maybe NOT Jamison invincible Jackie Werner jwerner1 _NOT_ sick, dammit George Dahl gdahl1 Dying, Dying, Dead Mike Karcher mkarche1 coughing Emmanuelle Wambach ewambac1 sniffy On that cheery note, Fist of Iron, Man of Iron, and Curtain of Iron -- Andrew C. Brown, Esq. 'The Man of a Thousand Titles' SWILScribe of Appending Doom Kaos, Fifth Librarian of the Apocalypse Venti's Familiar Professor Chaos Meredith Toast Satan "Getting *that* much fun out of life ought to be illegal."