Revenge of the SWIL News Holiday Special A long time ago, in a cafeteria far, far away... *****SUMMARY***** -There was a filksing last night in Parrish. Thanks to everyone who came! Next week's Saturday Night SWIL is probably going to be gaming opposite/under the English/Scottish Ball in Tarble (you should come to the Ball, though). We're moving the Mystery Tour of Swat until sometime when we know it's going to be warmer. -We did a preliminary round of voting on Kegger themes. The top three are Luck of the Irish/Little Green Men, Psi Phi Toga Party/Ides of March, and Post-Apocalyptic. An official voting email will be sent to FUN. -We voted 8-3 NOT to change the time of Monday night SWILms. This week: BRAZIL! -We decided that Ninjagrams sound like a cool idea. Mendez is in charge of organizing this great venture. We'll ideally be tabling starting in the middle of the week. -There was discussion of a large-scale (not Hunt-sized large) event with widespread appeal to be held on campus. Suggestions included gaming (<1 hr playing time), live chess, a nomic, an alternate-reality game, and a Dactyl Egg-Hunt. In a similar veinÉ -It was suggested that we Drive the Snakes Out of Swarthmore this year. -The story for the next SFDT can be found here: http://www.benjaminrosenbaum.com/stories/start.the.clock.html The date may be changing from Thursday to Friday: watch FUN *****END SUMMARY***** [OPENING CRAWL:] Disorder! The Rabble Fleet, along with the brave and wise Jedi, has been fighting the EEEEEEEVIL EMPIRE. Many exciting things have happened OFFSCREEN. No one knows what is going on, least of all the Rabble leaders. As the war continues, a beleaguered group of Rabble fighters holds an expository meeting... SCENE I. [Space. (the final frontier. -n) Camera pans across a large, ugly building which discharges a foul-smelling fog at odd intervals. Laser blasts ricochet from its scarred hull.] RABBLE FLEET: AAAAAARGH! [RABBLE FLEET is pathetic.] ADMIRAL NINJA: Why are they pathetic? ADMIRAL PIRATE: Because the Clone Army from the Stuyvesant Sector has overwhelmed our defenses! We must make ready our escape plans! F-3PD2: It's a trap! We're doomed! [beeps] SWIL will never get away this time! ADMIRAL NINJA: The Empire must have learned of our plans to attack from the Filksing last night at 7:30 PM! Now they are moving into position to blockade our showing of Brazil in ML Lounge on Monday night at 9:00! We must evacuate at once! GENERAL ANDREW: Nonsense. The ML Lounge base is still secure. The Swank Empire is still distracted by our strike on Parrish. We must proceed as planned. [cut to S-Wings screaming across screen. Boom! Crash! Biff! Thwack! Rowsdower!] SCENE II. [GREG SOLO and CHUBACCA are sharing a tender moment in the Millennium Aquarium. (they're going to kill us - r) (wookiee nipple! - p)] GREG SOLO: I know the Kegger's coming up, but we don't have a theme yet! What should we do? CHUBACCA: AAAURRHGHSDKLFWURGH. GREG SOLO: You mean the RABBLE FLEET has already narrowed it down to three themes? What are they? CHUBACCA: WURURURUGGGGGH. GREG SOLO: What's that? Timmy fell down the well? CHUBACCA: RAAAAAAAARGH!!! GREG SOLO: Oh, you mean the Kegger Themes are Ides of March/Psi Phi Toga Party, Luck o' the Irish/Little Green Men, and Post-Apocalyptic? Those are pretty awesome! CHUBACCA: RURGH. GREG SOLO: So people can vote for those online by replying to the email from High Command, which will surely be sent any day now? Wow! [Suddenly, the ship is rocked by weapons fire.] GREG SOLO: I have a bad feeling about this! [Cut to BOBA MENDEZ's ship, the Ninja I.] BOBA MENDEZ: Why does he run from me? I only want to deliver this NINNNNJAGURAM!!! He's no good to me dead! GREG SOLO [over commlink]: You'll never take me alive! BOBA MENDEZ: I'm just a simple man trying to spread Valentine's love through the galaxy, Solo! Ninjagrams are personalized Valentine's messages that can be ordered by anyone in the Swarthmore Galaxy and will be delivered on Valentine's Day by your own personal ninja! Or me. GREG SOLO [over commlink]: Hmmm. How can I get involved with Ninjagrams? BOBA MENDEZ: The RABBLE FLEET will be standing guard at the entrance to Sharples base starting soon, and set your commlink to the FUN frequency for further bulletins! [Cut to Millennium Aquarium] GREG SOLO: Maybe he's not such a bad guy-- [Suddenly, the ship is rocked by weapons fire. Again.] CHUBACCA: GGGGGRTRRAHHHHSFDT! GREG SOLO: Great idea, Chuie! We'll rendezvous at the SFDT after the credits! [Cut to Bryntooine, a small dusty planet on the fringes of the solar system...but with nice architecture] PADAFROSH: Why are we gathering up all these cake-plants? (It's better than farming moisture, kids. - p) SARAH-WAN: There was a tremor in the Force. As if two hungry Admirals cried out in hunger... and were suddenly silenced. We are gathering cake to feed them, my young Froshawans. PADAFROSH: Ohhh... ("It's almost as if this scene has no point." - n heh. - r) SARAH-WAN: Soon I will journey to Sharples Base to bring these cakes to the Admirals. PADAFROSH: Take us with you. There's nothing for us here. SARAH-WAN: It's too dangerous, my young Froshawans. ... But to advance the "plot", I will let you come. [Cut to interior of Sharples Base] SARAH-WAN: When you are in training to become a SWIL Master, you must learn to reach out to the entire galaxy. MAI-GON: You must learn to hold events that appeal to everyone in the Swarthmore Galaxy. PADAFROSH: It's too hard! We were going to go down to the Paces Station to pick up some power converters! And how can we hold events with these buckets on our heads? (we're just going to sit here and giggle at our own wit for a while. - p "wit" - r) SARAH-WAN: Tap into the SWIL, and nothing is impossible. Think. PADAFROSH: I can feel it! I can feel the Cosmos! (kill. Kiiiiiill. -r) We could have boardgaming on one of Endor's moons! We could have live holographic chess (WAAARGH! -ChuB)! We could hide Pterodactyl Eggs all over the Galaxy and have people look for them! We could drive the space snakes out from the Galaxy! (everything has to have 'space' in it. Everything ever. - n email 'space'? -p ...what? -r shut up, space Finlay -p) MAI-GON [nodding sagely]: Now, young Froshawans, you begin to understand. SARAH-WAN: I will volunteer to bring my games to a forest moon of Endor so we can Hold gaming there. Others should bring their games, too, and we will invite everyone in the galaxy. [Cut to a party on the forest moon of Endor] ADMIRAL NINJA: Thank you all for coming to my birthday party! Thank you Sarah- Wan and Mai-Gon for this tasty cake! Thank you, Rabble Fleet, for turning up in such large numbers! ADMIRAL PIRATE: And now, we will hand out the space door prize! 8, which is 21, has won the lottery! PADAFROSH MARGARET: That's me! ADMIRAL PIRATE: You win some space glowy space stars! (space space space - p) EWOKS: Yub nub! Ee chop yub nub! [dance] F3P-D2: This is such a splendid party! [burble] One would hardly think we were in the middle of a war with the Empire! Look at all these people dancing- DARTH BYSNUSNU: FOR MY AMUSEMENT! GENERAL ANDREW: At last! Now this pathetic RABBLE FLEET will know the true power of this fully armed and operational DEATH SWIL! (note how we're making less and less sense as we go along...*just like George Lucas*!!! -p) F-3PD2: Oh no! It's a trap! GENERAL ANDREW is really DARTH MEREDITH! We're doomed! It's a trap! (I'm so sorry - they're just telling me what to write -r that's not true! -n that's impossible! -p) DARTH BYSNUSNU: Froshawans! Join me and we can rule the galaxy as (... -p) DM and player characters! PADAFROSH: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! ADMIRAL NINJA: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! ADMIRAL PIRATE: KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!!!!! F-3-P-D-2: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLL!!!!! [DARTH BYSNUSNU kills MAI-GON and SARAH-WAN (we still love you! -npr) and JAR JAR BINKS, who happened to be walking by] PADAFROSH: NOOOOOOOOOOO-okay, we'll join you! DARTH MEREDITH: In order to be true Dark-Side-of-the-SWIL masters, you must prove your worthiness by massacring adorable Jedi children and Ewoks! PADAFROSH: Can we wear fedoras and trench coats? DARTH BYSNUSNU: Yes! And the Jedi children and Ewoks will be dressed in formal wear! And we shall call it the St. Valentine's Day Massacre! (too much exposition!!! -r) PADAFROSH: That makes no sense. Okay! [massacre Ewoks and adorable Jedi children] (which jedi children are these? -r) (::shrugs:: -p) DARTH MEREDITH: Hahahahaha! [eats babies] (leave it in leave it in! -n robot's fault -p JUST KIDDING! -r) [Insert 75 minutes of climactic space battle scene, in space, badly CGed. In space.] THE END! CREDITS of Holy Crap, That's A Lot of Specs, a.k.a. the Credits of Ninja's Birthday!!!!1one Alex "I <3 Ninja (singular)" Pshenichkin 70,000 "we suck!" specs all in a line together Meredith "YOU'RE NOT MY _REAL_ DAD!" Conforti Brown (stab -p) Jillian "Harvard sucks, but 7,000 specs suck more -Andrew" Waldman Sarah "soft fluffy cayak" Hartman David "can't think of anything witty" Pupkin Revan "I Have a Cunning plan" Williams (look, we didn't make you Darth Revan! -p) Margaret "no plain bagels" Cosgriff (awwww... -r) Abigail "we're under attack!" Graber (IT'S A TRAP!!! -npr) James "Master Yagyu" Mendez Hodes Greg "Knocking on Heaven's Door" Robinson Arthur "Paliamari Damacy" Chu (What? ...ohhhh... -npr I can't decide if I hate you or love you. -r) Mai "Sir Gawain and Bercilak are boffing" Pucik (they ARE! -p) Michael "...candygram?" Noda Jerome "We love HAZMAT Ops!" Fung (woooo HAZMAT! -r) Finlay "puella latina" Logan Jackie "...George Dahl" Werner Eliza "*smack*" Blair (ouch. -p) [FADE IN to GREG SOLO and CHUBACCA reading sci-fi over dinner] CHUBACCA: WAAARRGH! GREG SOLO: You're right, Chuie. Moving SFDT to this time was a great idea. CHUBACCA: WURGH? AAAARGH! GREG SOLO: No, I don't think the author meant for the dialogue to be so stilted. On the other hand, everything after Star Wars has had much lower standards to deal with. Maybe it's an ironic tribute to Lucas' screenwriting skills? CHUBACCA: UUURK. BOBA MENDEZ [bursting through a window]: HAHA! NINNNNNNJAGURAM! GREG SOLO: AAAAH! What do you want? BOBA MENDEZ [pins him to the wall with shuriken]: Now listen while I recite this charming haiku from your admirer! URGH WARGH MUUUURH RAAARARG! WURF WARF HURGH AAARGHURGH YARRARR! YURHG? YARR HURR HAAARGH WWURFH. (gee, it's nice to see that we're putting our liberal arts education to good use -p) GREG SOLO: Chuie? For me? You shouldn't have! CHUBACCA: WARKH. THE REAL END. SERIOUSLY.