********************** SUMMARY: -When the Meeting was called to disorder, the Rabble were so pathetic that the meeting had to be ended and restarted. Thus, there were two meetings this week. -Kegger is on March 18th. Mendez, Mai and Arthur are DJing. We still need people to help set up and buy or donate supplies - talk to susan (szell1 AT swat) if you would like to earn our everlasting gratitude. -SWILMovie will alternate showings between 9 and 10PM for a few weeks to see if this increases turnout. This Monday's SWILMovie is all of the Clone Wars animated series, at 9, in the SCCS Video Pit under Tarble. -Absolute final deadline for BEM March 20th -Ben proposed a modification to the Sentience Proof rules, which was rejected after much constructive discussion. If you're too afraid of heckling to prove sentience, talk to the Presidents and we'll work something out. -T-Shirt Designs and Schlock and voting for both will be dealt with after Spring Break. -SFDT, Thursday, 5:45 PM, Upper Sharples. Watch [FUN] for a link to the next story. -Time Bandits showing next Friday in ML Lounge. -Spring Ball 2nd weekend of Break. -Capoeira, Sunday, 5-7 PM, Upper Tarble. -Franklin Institute Body Worlds Exhibit free trips, same weekend as Kegger. *********************** Name: SWILNews #7 Subject: SWIL Meeting Date: February 26, 2006 (yes, please! -n no, don't write that -n dammit -n) Essay question: In your own words, please explain the entire history of the SWIL. Meeting was called to disorder at 12:09. The rabble was significantly less pathetic than at the previous meeting. Anna's proxy has now attended its second meeting, and she is now eligible to prove sentience. This led to the expansion of the Ottoman Empire in the near east and the development of gunpowder. Once Eli Whitney invented the Cotton Gin, this led people to throw big parties with lots of beer and Beirut. Thus was born the Kegger. Everyone loved to help set up for Keggers on March 18th, 2006! (what's going on?! -r you were hitting SHIFT-1. -np not 6? -r i know it's hard to stop writing 1337 once you've started, but you have to be strong for all of us -n). They had fun and everyone loved them. Decorations such as sheets and other things were the most appreciated of these. They talked to the Presidents of SWIL or to Susan, who was the treasurer at that time. When the Keggers happened, there were ritual DJs playing music for everyone to dance. They were named Mendez, Arthur and Mai. Their phat beats inspired the SWILlish warriors to win a big victory at the heteronormative Battle of Hastings. When the SWIL warriors were done fighting, they went back to their treehouses in Sherwood Forest and watched movies. They watched some movies at 9 on Mondays, and some at 10, also on Mondays, because the local hegemonic government had passed laws about having fun at other times. This is what made Monday the first day of the week, because they were impatient and had all their fun at once. The most recent recorded instance of this tradition was the great Clone Wars showing in the pit of the SCCS on the 27th of February (remember, remember, the 27th of February?... -r NO. -n). This leads me to my next point, about the great revolutionary literary magazine, BEM. BEM was published in the spring of every year, and was filled with many fiery proclamations of the superiority of science fiction and fantasy to all other genres. The absolute final deadline for submissions was on March 20th, before everyone had a chance to get killed in the spring riots. When the magazine came out, a bunch of people were very inspired by it and moved to a commune so they could discuss it in greater depth. These people eventually became the Continental Philosophers. Their groundbreaking manifesto, "The Sentience Proof" was written during a five-day summit and caused an instant controversy. The manifesto outlined three phases of the quest for sentience, "claim", "ordeal" and "proof". This plan found few adherents in the public, though there were a few calls for a modified version of the idea, namely a choice between Proof by Heckling and Proof by Ordeal. In the end, it was determined that anyone who objected to the status quo should talk directly to the presidents. (the rioting lasted for days?thousands of fatalities? -n) Thousands of years later, archaeologists in a remote corner of Greece, known as the SWILlege Bowl, uncovered the remnants of a wondrous document, containing many questions and answers about ancient SWIL cultures such as the Geeks and the Miscellaneous, which soon came to be known as the Rosetta Stone. As soon as the Internet was invented, they posted this document there so that all might come and revel in its glorious?ness. About this time, the Great Universities of Paris were founded. A there rose a great leader, known only as Jeanne Y?immes, who was voted Dean of Sentience. She was great because she was an efficient worker, seeming to do nothing for hours at a time and still get paid for it. This inspired the workers to follow her example, and thus the Industrial Revolution was born. (note how this is mostly about Europe -r yeah, this is a history class, not some cultural studies crap -n no feudal japan? -noda i don't know anything about feudal japan -r must not be important history -n) Now that the bourgeoisie had more leisure time in which to have fun, the tradition of Saturday Night SWIL was created. The SWIL bourgeoisie created a group of activities called Parlor Games, but were forced to invent the Parlor in order to play them. Soon people were sitting around in parlors in extremely funny clothing, and the Victorian period began. (corsets aren?t funny! -r corsets are inherently funny, like cows! -noda cows are funny. Monkeys are funny. Monkeys and corsets are not the same. -r) This led to many great events, such as T-Shirt Designs, Schlock Nominations, and Voting in the future, but as this is a Pre-Spring Break class, I feel that it is beyond the scope of this essay to discuss these events. (eliza, you're going to have to finish typing. My arms fell off -r i AM typing -n) Soon, in addition to Saturday Night SWIL, the SWIL people gathered on Thursday nights in the traditional meeting hall of Upper Sharples, England, to discuss science fiction short stories by famous authors. They usually met at 5:45 PM. The Great Lottery of 1847 took place in feudal Japan, (there, you happy? wait, I'm the ninja, I'm supposed to be happy -n) in which the great warlord Anna (anna, warrior princess? -jillian) led her ninja army against Godzilla. (this is everything we know about japan - n "and then they sang karaoke" -r) Her enemy Stuffed Lizard Proxy sent assassins to stop her with Urban Music, but she escaped with only her life and a perfume sample. In conclusion, it was not long before Jackie decided to return to her warrior roots by watching Time Bandits next Friday in ML treehouse. Later, there was dancing during the 2nd weekend of break, and another tradition was created - a special form of kickass dancing called Capoeira, which met on Sundays from 5-7 PM in Upper Tarble, England. Soon culture developed, and museums were founded. One of the greatest recorded exhibits in modern history was the Body Worlds exhibit at the Franklin Institute, England. People from all around organized free rides to see this wondrous exhibit, and it was good. Then the barbarians sacked Rome, and history ended, like Nietzsche always said it would. (or was that hegel? -r how do you spell 'nietzsche'? -n) ********************** Historically-correct Attendance List of Limit Breaks FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!!!!! Sarah "Rejoice, for the flowers are blooming!" Hartman (and will promptly die when the weather decides it's february again -p) BDan "Repent, for the sun is exploding!" Fairchild (crap! since when? -n) Arthur "The P**-**********" Chu Adam "Stuff goes here" Oleksa Malcolm "Where am I?" Augat Kristin "In the village" Caldwell Revan "What do you want?" Williams Meggie "We want information" Ladlow (they are scarily organized -n) Jerome "Oh phooey..." Fung Greg "CCFCCP" Robinson Mai "Stop looking at me!" Pucik Meredith "Cloud Strife is John the Baptist" Conforti Brown James "Werehouse" Mendez Hodes George "Aerith is woman-Jesus" Dahl George "Un-**********" Dahl Rebecca "The ********ed" Goldman "An initial declaration of" Ben "followed by a complex ordeal over several days" Newman "and ending with some kind of reporting process in general making the process uch longer than it, in fact, needs to be" David "My birthday's in a week biatch!" Pupkin (you're older than you've ever been and now you're even older -p) Venger "I love you all so much I'm eating in the Middle Room" Jamison Jorge "El De**********" Dahl George "I have the handwriting of ten thousand men" Dahl Anna "gaudeamus hodie" Melton Sarah "Would you like some tea" Elichko Emily "Tea is Love" Lewis Jackie "Ti is love" Werner Jillian "signed the list after the presidents typed it up and then ninja forgot her nickname" Waldman Alex "Did not actually attend meeting" Pshenichkin The ************ did not come to Swarthmore. The ************ does not exist. Especially not when we're eating. This literary masterpiece brought to you by Ninja, Pirate and Robot The Presidency of Mortal Enemies