**************** Summary: **SWILBUSINESS** - T-shirt ink colors are red, white and black. You can have any shirt color you want. We'll send a link with ordering options. Finlay is running t-shirts but she wants money in advance. - SWILMovie is Howl's Moving Castle, Monday, 10PM, SCCS Video Pit. - Saturday Night SWIL next week is probably Ben Folds and Lucky Stiff and Wind Ensemble and all the other craaazy things you craaaazy kids do with your time. - SNS two weeks from now is Propped All-Campus Gaming. Tell your friends and start thinking about what you want to play. - Revan, Malcolm, Meggie, and Margaret have forcibly seized sentience. We took their heads. - DoubleSWIL will happen eventually. Reply to Anna's FUN email to choose a date. - SUBMIT TO BEM. **Non-SWILBUSINESS** - Lucky Stiff, next Thursday at 8, Friday 4:30, Saturday at 6, LPAC Main Stage. - Falafel with Bob Gross, Monday, Scheuer Room - ART, today, 7PM, Olde Club - Next Saturday, Wind Ensemble, 7PM, Lang (lang lang lang -n) - Some webcomic guy, Tuesday 7PM. ***************** **THE SWILNEWS DRINKING GAME** TAKE 1 SIP WHEN: *Someone's identity is changed *Someone proves sentience *Someone dies *Subtext/text is produced **2 sips if it doesn't involve Arthur **2 sips if it's successful **3 sips if it's not because of a card *Someone has an unfortunate experience with liquid *Someone runs around the room *Someone stops speaking English TAKE 2 SIPS WHEN: *The presidency is overthrown *Something is actually accomplished *Someone gets two cards that complement each other CHUG WHEN: *You understand what the hell is going on **** THE SWILNEWS OF CHRIS, CHRIS, AND JEAN-LUC PICARD Captain's Log, Stardate 4.2.2006 Engage! Meeting was called to disorder at Stardate 24601.42.1138; it was the meeting of one thousand blank white cards. Disorder began immediately when Robot Chris revealed that she was actually from the planet PigLatia and suddenly lost the ability to speak English. I attempted to serve as interpreter, but was unsuccessful. Luckily, Ninja Chris beamed down just in the Nick of Time and used her (technobabble! go! -p) voltron phase limiter to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow to transfer the effect of the cursed blank white SWIL (praise the lord! -p) card to our hapless redshirt, Andrew. Unfortunately, Andrew drew a card that forced him to communicate in mime for ten minutes (unfortunately? -r mime is always unfortunate -p), making our efforts moot. Also, his nipples exploded with delight (::mimes:: -r). Somehow, negotiations with the planet of SWILShirtInkColoron (praise the lord -p) began. We negotiated (we already had 'negotiated'! -r it's *picard* -p department of redundancy department -r yes yes yes -p) back and forth--black! white! red! grey! lime green! GLOW IN THE DARK LIME GREEN!. During negotiations, we were plagued by a transporter accident caused by chronoton particles that transformed hapless redshirt Arthur into Space (space space -p) Pirate Johnny Depp, Lapdog of the Presidents! He attempted to disrupt the proceedings by sitting on Robot Chris's lap, but she had previously been transformed into Benitez! and a penguin, so she was no longer a president. Due to the fact that Ninja Chris ran away when he tried to sit on her lap, he planted himself on my lap, despite the fact that I was, presumably, hidden behind an effective cloaking device. Negotiations finally ended with a decision of white, black, and Swarthmorean red ink; the color of the shirt itself is up to you (totally -r picard would not say 'totally' -p totally, mr. picard captain sir! -r by the way, i hate you all -n). Picard out. Subject: Britons never shall be slaves! Date: April 2, 2006 Usericon: Amos with sticky-outy ears I didn't even go to SWIL meeting this week (praise the lord!) but I heard all about it on various people's journals. Apparently this week's movie is "Howl's Moving Castle", but it's at 10 on Monday so I won't be able to make it. While I approve of the tradition of SWIL movie every week, it seems to me that a few points apply here: first, that since I can't make it to every movie I'd like to, there must be a better system of determining when it should be and second, that I have too much to do. But I digress (no kidding -r). At this point, Sarah, the scribe, failed her will save -what a dumb game- and was unable to write anything down for about three minutes. While that was going on, someone drew a card that said "Internal Darkness" or something and everyone had to close their eyes and stumble around. Jackie had to take over for her, and Arthur sat on her lap making it impossible for her to write. With her eyes closed, Finlay delegated BDan to treat Arthur as King of the Britons. BDan used the lightsaber to kill Arthur, shouting "Die, imperialist scum!" Eliza drew a card that told her to hold the lottery, and to obey the orders of the winner. I forget what number won (six -n yes, i know that, but chris doesn't, because he doesn't care -r), but Revan won a disgusting squishy ball full of redundant worms and worms and worms and bugs and then commanded Eliza to declare him and the other frosh sentient. However, she first had to re-prove her own sentience. Arthur drew a card which self-destructed (LAME), killing everyone within a four-foot radius. Eliza leapt to safety just in time, and was re-declared sentient due to her ability to anticipate and avoid fiery death. Finlay died in the blast and came back to life as a zombie. Now, back when I went to SWIL meetings (before my 18-month hiatus) we actually had to think a little bit to become sentient. (and we had to walk uphill through the snow both ways to prove sentience! -p) Maybe the frosh are getting cleverer? Anyway, Revan, Malcolm, Meggie and Margaret proved their sentience by tricking Eliza into declaring them sentient. (that's awfully circular, but I'm going to allow this -n because you had to! also, executive rule #4 -r) Also, there might have been a revolution in there somewhere - maybe Jackie overthrew the presidency? I think Finlay and Eliza ran away from her around the room a few times. Mood: :D jubilant Music: Rule Britannia in my head Subject: I hate you all. Date: April 2, 2006 Usericon: Calvin & Hobbes snowman Did something happen at SWILMeeting? (praise the lord! -p) Mood: confused Music: Pictures at an Exhibition--Mussorgsky Captain's Log, Stardate Later-That-Day: Our next mission was another diplomatic trip to the planet Brynmawr, where a small organization of fellow sentients invited us to a cultural exchange with ice cream. In the process of arranging this, we joined Ambassador Anna in singing her people's favorite anthem, "God Damn the Smurfs". The details were to be broadcast on the FUN frequency at a later date (hey, isn't boba fett on that frequency? -p maybe he'll show up and we can get his autograph -r or, you know, shoot him -n). Ambassador Anna was then informed that she spoke for Susan and ordered us all to SUBMIT TO BEM, in spite of the fact that the deadline has passed. Next, the diplomatic community decided on a date for a Night of Gaming - Saturday Night SWIL on April 15th. Yesterday's Saturday Night SWIL was a peculiar local custom called D&D one-shots, which apparently are not very popular even with their greatest fans (grumble grumble -r). At this point, I turned into a Japanese schoolgirl (that is possibly the best sentence ever -p) and was pursued by Arthur the Japanese tourist/Johnny Depp/Presidential Lap-Dog. Luckily, someone else needed to perform a virgin sacrifice (oh, picard's not a virgin -n but picard the japanese schoolgirl totally is! -r okay -n not saying a word -p) so I was spared by death. Hapless redshirt Alex was moved to build a replica of the Hagia Sophia out of his replicated sandwich and a piece of cake. (oh, sorry, replicated cake *grumble* -n it's star trek, everything has to be science fictional -p) Hapless redshirt president Robot Chris took a big gulp of her coffee and was poisoned because Greg had added blue space Powerade to it. She could feel the Cosmos - it was not a good feeling. A little later on, we learned that diplomacy was truly dead when Pupkin poured a glass of water over the head of hapless redshirt Arthur Depp, Japanese tourist. After resolving the incident with extreme diplomatic prejudice (and license to kill -n), I decided to spend the night (with q -n) taking a relaxing look at the HoloNews (does that exist? -p not really -n whatever -p). All those exciting cultural and diplomatic opportunities! There was the quaint DramaBoardian celebration of death, the musical Lucky Stiff, next week: Thursday at 8:00, Friday at 4:30, and Saturday at 6:00. Then there was the esteemed Intergalactic Dean Bob Gross discussing falafel (or serving it, or something -p doooork -n) on Monday in the Scheuer Room (nooooobody knows the falafel time, noooobody knows falafel -r). And the highly cultural culture of the play Art, yesterday at 8:00 and today at 7:00. And who could miss the musical stylings of Ugly Bag of Mostly Water, Ugly Bag of Mostly Water, and my favorite, Ugly Bag of Mostly Water, next Saturday at 7:00? To finish things off, there was the so-called "Webcomic Guy" speaking about "something" (shut up! you suck! -n noooooooobody knows the webcomic guy -r ::smack:: -n) on Tuesday at 7:00. Somewhere. Suddenly, there was a commotion outside--hapless redshirt Anna was holding a mutiny! In honor of April Fool's Day, I held a counter-mutiny and reclaimed my title as Captain of the U.S.S. SWIL (praise the lord! -pr). The comlink failed and hapless redshirt president Ninja Chris was forced to shout "Can you hear me now?!" down the Jeffries tubes to hapless redshirt Jillian (the hapless redshirt population is going up -r that...doesn't usually happen -n are they cousins of red hats? or redcaps? -michael stone). Around this time, the ship was affected by a mysterious energy field which caused everyone to become romantically entangled. Hapless redshirt president Ninja Chris used the world's most terrible pickup line on me, and to my embarrassment I found myself much swayed by her overtures. (will not make music joke... -p) Hapless redshirt Andrew used a far better pickup line on hapless redshirt president Borg Robot Chris (the Benitez penguin - r) but was rejected. However, he was immediately proposed to by hapless redshirt Greg the Poisoner in a touching scene of intimate affection which surely boosted our ratings. (hubba hubba -r hey, i would watch -p wait, that sounds wrong -p too late -n i hate you -p that's my line -nrchris) The transformative power of love transformed me back from a Japanese schoolgirl into myself - Picardrick Stewart. Happy to have regained my normal form, I re-seized the vessel (again) and reestablished some semblance of order. And then Q showed up... THE END...? ***************** 1000 Blank White Signatures Sarah "Defying Gravity" Hartman Michael "Somebody save me lest my hamster become an orphan!" Noda Arthur "You're really weird!" Chu Malcolm "Blah" Augat Revan "Blah" Williams Meggie "Blah" Ladlow Margaret "Blah" Cosgriff (scaaaary! -nr) Jean "blob" Schneider Greg "bulb" Robinson Jillian "bibble" Waldman (you people -r) Abigail "Ben Folds stole my audience" Graber David "I refuse to use Roman characters and therefore the presidents can write whatever the hell they want in this space - also, I smell" Pupkin David "Tom Waits's earlier stuff is easier to listen to, but less musically inventive" Stifler Richard "I wish my music sounded like malfunctioning power tools, the way Tom Waits's does" Thompson BDan "ephemeral" Fairchild Finlay "internal darkness" Logan Andrew "President of Heaven" Conforti Brown (you and your crazy made-up religions -n no match for a blaster at your side, kid -p it's a trap! -r whooooooooo! -r) Eliza "CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!?" Blair (no -p HOW ABOUT NOW -n NO -p WHAT -n) Alex "Stable Master" Pshenichkin Anna "Shameless Plug for Double-SWIL" Melton Jackie "Captain of the U.S.S. SWIL and the U.S.S. Picard/Q" Werner Jean-Luc "Really Jackie Werner, sometimes" Picard