Swil' news (n.) from the Swarthmorese acronym SWIL, Swarthmore Warders
of Imaginative Literature, + "news."  1).  A sustained silliness
generally intended to a) convey information  b) have a LOT of fun
c) combine Dan Rather with a sense of humor, throw in some weirdness,
preferably not drug-induced  d) take the reader's mind 1. places it
shouldn't go, 2. places it shouldn't go but really wants to, 3. to
Schenectady, N. Y. on planeload of Jesus freaks and Republicans,
deposit them in Kansas, and let them find their way home, 4. to Octupus
Gardens on the wings of one of Harlan Ellison's bad nightmares.
2).  a one-page (well, usually) dot-matrix printed sheet of news,
weirdness, inspiration, blood, sweat, tears, toils, memories, and other
almost anything else that occurs to the writer.  Occasionally includes
relevant things.  see also:  Swil events, Swilnews topics

Swil events (for the week of April that's close to the end but still far
enough away from finals to allow you to sleep at night.):  T-shirts
have been ordered.  JOHN is in charge.  DO NOT bug Kir about them.  This
is an order from your captain, or at least from a person who probably
has longer hair than you do.  The chess game.  It went well, by all
accounts, checking, saving, PR1ME, etc.  David won.  Good job, David.
Loud applause.  Thanks to Kir and Geoff for running it.  More applause.
Story-reading has been moved to the 30th of April so as not to
interfere with the Formal, which I strongly recommend, primarily
because I'm going to need as many friends as possible there.  If you
don't understand that last comment, ask me (John) or Bee.  She's my
date.  She's also wearing the tie.  THE OPEN MEETING has been moved to
May First to commemorate May Day, none of which implications I am going
to explore, and also to give us a bit more time to advertise.  Bond,
2pm.  That's a Sunday.  Story-reading is also in Bond, the day before,
Saturday the 30th, 7pm.  This concludes this entry.

Swil topics: PDQ Schlock, immanent professor from the University of
Wheresoever he or she or it Pleases, pleases us by the pleasure of his
company later this semester at a showing of his movies.  All are
invited, please to leave your good taste in somebody else's mouth where
it can stay preserved.  May 2, 3, 4 this man we all admire will be
expounding on the virtues of degenerate celluloid.  Bedtime for Bonzo,
to the disappointment of all, will not be shown.

And now, quotes from the notes taken at the last swil meeting:
"Kir shouted in panic."  "Garth made silly sounds."  "Hal made a
cynical remark, and was squashed."  "Jim's reliability attacked."
"Perry pointed out again that he has problems holding onto his
garments."  "Cynthia, unbeknownst to her, attended her third meeting in
a row!"  "Lane almost took a title."  Why didn't she?  This must be
investigated.  Jim, form a committee.  "A rumor quickly spread and
died; Jim made remarks analyzing critically the theory of the spread of
rumors."  Th th th th th That's all folks!

                Thanking you all for your input,
                we are, other than mere permutations of space and time,
                The Presidents that made pretty machine-like sounds !-!