Swilnews 8 -- otherwise known as "Sing along with Swilnews"

Tired of the same old Swilnews?  Tired of receiving something in the mail that 
you just pick up, read, and throw away, or even just delete?  The Four of  Us 
(patent pending) here at Swilnews central, VAX workstation #LTA2582, want to 
help. We know how busy you are, and how much you dislike having your life 
cluttered with trivialities, so we have redesigned Swilnews to suit the College
Student of the '80's.  This is the first, the prototype, the interactive 
Swilnews.  No, it isn't fuzzy, nor does it beep when you squeeze, nor does it 
tell jokes. But it will transform the way YOU read Swilnews.  No longer just 
dry factual data, Swilnews 8 provides you the interactive aesthetic experience 
of a sing-along sound-track!!!  Each news item is accompanied by appropriate
song cues so you can supplement the news with a sound-track, or if you're 
really feeling imaginative, a rock video just like on MTV!!  But wait, there's 
more!!!!  If you get our special electronic orange edition (no extra charge), 
you get a blinking cursor that you can use to follow along as you sing!!  Say 
good-bye to Mitch Miller's old "Bouncing Ball"!!  This is the user-friendliness
of the electronic age!!  It's great fun for group sing-along readings!!  Read 
your news in a group.  One can read the news, two can sing to the blink of the 
cursor, while the others rev up an impromptu air-band!!  Swilnews was never so 
much fun!!  And it's free!!!!!  Now how much would you pay???????   Order
Now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sound ("C" is for Cookie, gradually fading in.)  Suggested video (A blue 
monster puppet, dancing around while smashing baked goods.)  News to be chanted
in time to the music -- Sally's Mom sent dinosaur Graham Crackers, and Sally 
brought them to the meeting to share!!  (Fade out).

Sound (One Night in Bangkok, from Chess.) Suggested video (Dancers in black and
white types engaging in stylized combat)  News -- Live Chess news!  More pieces
are needed.  Feel like being a pawn?  Bruce still needs a deputy to set up the
board on Parents' Day. Volunteers?  The Kings will be Leif and Fran-Max [is 
that how you would like to be billed in Swilnews?].  (Music ends abruptly with 
dancers in contorted positions.)

Sound (Strauss' Artist's Life Waltz) Suggested video (Victorian portraiture in 
a garden in spring on a swing)  News (Masterpiece Theatre Voice suggested) -- 
Kir's T-shirt design is on the Swilboard.  We will decide on color(s) at the 
next meeting.

Sound (A Day in the Life, by the Beatles)  Suggested video (Clips from black-
and-white shlock Sci-Fi films) News (in stoned style) -- Swil currently has no 
magazine subscriptions [no news today, oh boy].  Should we have some, and if 
so, which one can make the grade?  (End reading just as orchestra begins the 
long crescendo, ending in a vast chord, under which starts ...)

Sound (Raspberry Beret, By Prince) Video discouraged.  News -- Prince is doing 
the Batman soundtrack. (Sound cuts off suddenly.)

Now, so that YOU can exercise YOUR creativity, we'll give you the last two news
items with a sound-track or video, so you can choose them YOURSELF.

Sound (                          ) Video (                       ) News -- 
Sherry send copies of Reunion pictures within the month.

Sound (                          ) Video (                       ) News -- 
The bookstore is having a big sale on slightly damaged books, many of which are
SF.

Wasn't that fun???

Sound (Sesame street sound track) Video (A reserved room somewhere in the 
depths of Sharples Dining Hall, with people in it eating. They occasionally 
wave to the camara or make funny faces at it)  News -- This swilnews was 
brought to you by: [Attendance List Cue] Josh "We Killed the Creator" Smith, 
Deb "You make one up" Holtzman, Josh "Nice slip there, JBS" Mackay-Smith, Jeff 
"Horrendous Mistake" Hildebrand, Rick "S/He who signs, signs his/her life away"
Post, Chris "I only work here" Cobb, Susan Stine, Jessica "Dance away!" Hines, 
Sally "The Food Bringer" Carter, Janice Frankel "since there are too many 
quotes to read here anyway", Joel "he who signs his life away" ..., Peter "All 
my relatives are headless" Wagner, Garth redynS, Lisa "Creeping Ponce" Batt, 
Fran Shakespeare, Jonathan "I'm not here; and I'm not a warthog from hell" 
Wald, Darwin Vents Spleens, Franmax, probably going to practice chess a few 
times before the 15th, Andy goodknight folks, Dan Levi  Minister of Foreign 
Affairs and French Women, Jed ("Warpsmith") Hartman, Bishop of the Blue Church,
Jen, Sherry "I've done everything" Levi, Kir, and Halbert.  
Special guest stars -- DVS, Sherry, Dan, Jon Rapkin, John Halbert, Karen Smith,
and Franmax's friend Julie.  (Music ends, and screen switches to a room full of
people and ringing telephones.)

"That's all the Swilnews for this week.  Now let me tell you about our pledge 
drive ..."

Have fun, and remember that many a used-car salesman started out raising money 
for public television.

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