Swilnews 9, entitled, in the words of that old adage, "PLEASURE AFTER BUSINESS" Greetings, all. In that semi-encapsulated world known as the Swarthmore College Community, a very special event approaches: Parents' Week-end. We as SWIL will be contributing to this event, so it behooves us to lay aside the usual levity of the Swilnews in order to prepare ourselves appropriately for this momentous occasion. I refer, of course, to Live Chess. Herein is a brief of the personifiers and their pieces. I am to request all participants, speaking for organizer Bruce and deputy organizer Joel, to arrive at the site of the contest (Parrish Lawn) at 1:45 to assist in the assembly of the Board. The match will commence at 2:00 sharp and it will probably be over, depending of course on the BLOOD-THIRSTINESS of the combatants, by 3:00 pm. The list: White Black King: Joel Offenberg LEIF KIRSCHENBAUM Queen: FRAN POODRY Jessica Hines Left Knight: Ellie Weiss Andy Perry Right Knight: Peter Wagner Josh Smith Left Bishop: Chris Cobb Rick Post Right Bishop: Jed Hartman Fran Altvater Left Rook: Garth Snyder Sally Carter Right Rook: Luke Hankins Wayne Finegar Pawns: Geoff Hopcraft Morgan Mitchell Mikala Woodward Ed Bernstein Those listed in capital letters "rule" each side. There are still pawn spots available, if you want to play. We will attempt to fill the rest from the audience. On to other news. Directly after Parents Week-end comes ... Room-choosing!! Aahhh!! But wait, there's more!! It's also Prospective Week!! Yeah! In order to show prospective students how wonderful Swil is (since they should have some positive impression of Swarthmore to counteract the trauma of Room-Choosing), Swil will be holding open information/fun sessions in Parrish Parlours Monday night from 7:30 to 10ish, Tuesday morning from 6:00 to 8:00ish, and Wednesday night from 7:30 to 10ish. Everyone is welcome to participate, but some people have especially signed up, so it behooves us (we can't resist horsing around when we know we are the centaur of attention) to recapitulate the list here as a reminder. Monday night -- Diana Stiefbold (beginning at least), Jessica Hines, (poss.) Fran Altvater, and Garth Snyder. Tuesday morning (ah, foolish ones) JH, Fran, Chris Cobb. Wednesday night Jed Hartman, Diana Stiefbold, Susan Ruff, Jeff Hildebrand, Peter Wagner, Alex, & Josh NM Smith. You know who you are. (Wait, I don't know me, I've never met me before in my life.) Bruce, Minister of Information Dispersal has prepared a packet of information about Swil to supplement the examples of fun activities that we will provide. Things to come -- Submit to Bem! It may not be too late!! Walpurgisnacht (It's sort of like the converse of Halloween) SF & Horror Story Reading, co-sponsored by Swil and story-reading and organized by Jed, will be the week-end of April 28-30. Book run!! There will be a book-run to an incredible book store in Frazer, Pa. More details forth-coming from Jim Moskowitz!! Attendance -- (Pleasure after Business, you know. This fills a third of Swilnews without our having to do anything. What a concept!) (Side-note. Question -- What is this -- 11111111? Answer -- An excited person without a shift key.) Fran 'Sam the Eagle' Altvater, Jeff 'Nothing Inane' Hildebrand, Josh "Production week #1 coming up" Mackay-Smith, Jessica "No bones about it" Hines (Alas, Yorick. I knawed him, Horatio. --ed.), Tony "Jessica's Brother" Hines, Deb "next" Holtzman, Geoffrey "I'm from newark, and Fran's in trouble" Hopcraft, Janice Louise Frankel and that's final! Franmax, Doctor ("Frumious" Bandersnatch) Faustus, Aagh! He didn't close the quotes!" Laura the Avenger, Alex " (he drew a picture here --ed) " the Fight Director, No I can't think of anything funny .... Bruce "Danny Chase must die" Hahne, No, I refuse to attend, Snyder Garth )( (the backwards parentheses represent a mirror. Garth's name should be read as its mirror image from that point. --ed.) Pedro, DianAnaid, It's J!m M*sk*w!tz, Mikala hug, Josh "drat! I'm still dead!" Smith, Anna Grant, Marguerite "Ellie just braided my hair!" Eisenstein. And now to summarize this week's news: who -- Swil, in whole and in part, what -- Live Chess, Prospective meeting, stuff, where -- Sharples, Parrish Lawn, Parrish Parlours, wherever it's convenient, when -- Saturday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, really any day of the week or any time day or night, how -- in its/our own inimitable fashion. That is, Swillishly, why -- well, the universe isn't quite ready for this one. There's some legend about Swil being replaced by something even more strange and incomprehensible if its true purpose is ever understood. But we will say that it's fun. Remember this -- "You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can't hide bananas in spaggheti sauce." If all food services kept this in mind, the world would be a better place. Cheerio. 4