From jmrobins @ condor.sccs.swarthmore.edu Thu Apr 24 01:39:29 1997
Date: Wed, 19 Feb 1997 22:25:04 -0500 (EST)
From: Snibor Eoj <jmrobins @ condor.sccs.swarthmore.edu>
To: presidents @ swil.org
Subject: Megalomaniacs Anonymous, or SWILnews #3.14159265358979323...

(I think this entire SWILnews should be in comments. -R)
(I disagree! -I)
(I think I bent my wookiee. -A)
(You would. -I)
(I don't think we want to go there. -R)
(What's the rating of this SWILnews? -I)
(PG-3.14159265358979323... -R)
(IQ-100. -A)
(Meaningless comment. -R)
(Thank God. -A)
(You're welcome. -I)
(I was here. -Kilroy)
(Kilroy was here. -I)
(Speaking of such things, where's Godot? -A)
(Wait a minute... -R)
(Elvis has left the SWILnews -random announcer)
(It was a dark and stormy night.  Suddenly a kill -9 rang out. -R)
(My name is root.  I carry a password. -I)
(She was a helpless user, a dame with no paper in her printer.  She needed
a dormtech. -A)
(Instead, she had to settle for a Wookiee. -R)
(WAIT A MINUTE! -I)
(How's that for coming full circle? -R)
(3.14159265358979323...? -A)
(Grrrrr.... - the Wookiee)
(Oh no!  Line deleted! -R)
(#(*@($#(& NO CARRIER -I)
(Carry her?!? I hardly know her! -RI [in unison, I might add -A])
(We'd never put bad jokes in a SWILnews.  Oh no.  -I)
(Moop. -R)
("Oh no, not again..." -the bowl of petunias)
(Hargh, MAYTEES, on to the SWILbusiness... -A)
(No, not yet, we need more witty banter first. -R)
(Witty banter.  Witty banter.  Witty banter.  Witty banter.  Witty banter. 
Witty banter.  Witty banter.  Witty banter.  Witty banter.  Witty banter. 
Witty banter. -I)
(Bitty Wanter, that has to have a vulgar meaning somewhere.... lessee here
-A)
(Vote for your favorite vulgar meaning next week at SWIL meeting! -I)
(Your ad here. -R)
(HERE?  In PUBLIC? -I)
(2+2 -A)
(2+2-A = 4-A  -I)
(Therefore, I = 0 -R)(*)
(Ah, more 4-A's into the bad joke dept. -A)
(All those who agree that Retry is zero, raise their hands! -I)
(Editor's Note: No hands were raised at this time. -R)
(Solving (*) above implies that R+I=0, don't let them anihillate each
other. Serve your country, citizen. You will be rewarded. -the computer)
()
(My god, look at what those parens are doing.... -A)
(If you turn your head upside-down, it looks like () instead. -R)
(Pervert. -I)
(Invariant under parity trans-{bang} {ow} -A)
(Please return to your seats.  There is nothing more to see. -R)
(No snoogie-woogums.... wahhhhh! -A)
(No snoogie-woogums here.  Don't know what you're talking about. -R)
(NONE?  I'm leaving then.  -I)
(So long, and thanks for all the fish. -Douglas Adams)
(The billionth digit of pi _is_ a nine.  So all together now.... 3.14...
-A)
(Now I know what hell is like.... -I)
(I thought it was a nine and a half. -R)
(Math majors.... -I, in disgust)
(It's not too late.  You can still renounce your evil ways, and come back
to us. -R)
(You shall be assimilated. -Swarthmore Math Dept slogan)
(The Dept is mother.  The Dept is Father.  Tom Hunter is cute. -The Corps)
(What about JT? Now there's a frood who really knows where her tangent
bundle is -A)
(This comment has no attribution.)
(This SWILnews has no artificial additives or preservatives. -I)
(Yellow #4... HAH! -RJR Nabisco (and tobacco flavored Crisco(tm)))
(((()()())) -I)
(And now for something exactly the same. -R)
(((()()())) -I)
(Except that was typed by Retry. -I)
(No it wasn't.  It was copy/pasted. -R)
(Geek. -I)
(In the lands beyond the Pacific Rim, there is a fish the likes of which
the poeple of America have never seen.  They call the types of ovaries in
these fish something called Alouette.  It is an evil product.  With people
speeled incorrektly. -A)
(God help us - he's speeling people now.  Will this madness never end?
The apocalypse is upon us!  And it's very heavy.  -I)
(Not to be confused with apoCalypso, which has a nice beat. -R)
(But only if you're into that sort of thing -- speaking of which, who
brought the handcuffs and .... [CENSORED] -random bystander)
(Man, they sure don't build those bystanders like they used to. -A)
(Woo!  Check out the bod on THAT one, though! -I)
(That's no bystander!  That's a space station! -R)
(No, it's a bystander. -I)
(In a space station. -R)
(Okay.  I'll grant you that. -I)
(Run! He's got a planet destroying ray-gun! -A [straight line alert])
(You idiot, we've all got -- DAMN!  We don't!  RUN!!!! -I)
(You mean you don't have one? -Arr)
(Umm.  Of course I do.  And we're NOT gonna go there! -Aye)
(And speaking of happy to see me, I have your money. -Eh)
(That's for the....favors....last night? -Aye)
(He doesn't need to pay me money for those. -Arr)
(You don't need to pay him money for those.  These aren't the droids you
want to take to New Orleans.  Move Along. -Obi-Wan)
(Hello.  I'm not going to appear in this SWILnews again.  Obi-Two)
(Obi-quiet. -A)
("" -Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-SWILnews)
(We can think of original stuff.  Really.  We just prefer to steal. -R)
("It's not really [theft] if you just [change it enough]" -Winston
Churchill)
( asdjkhafkjalkjlkjoiksdlmiweljasdf <- I can guarantee you THAT is
entirely original. -I)
(Actually...  I saw it on an episode of Sesame Street.  That was the
sample "wrong alphabet." -R)
(Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of the song? -Stephen
Wright)
(Why does the sun shine? -R)
(Well, we can reduce the system to seven coupled differ^C
(Abort is SUDDENLY interrupted when Ignore GRABS the keyboard from him in
order to save humanity.)
(Too late. -R)
(We shall overcome.  And you think the MATH department is a cult... -A)
(Help, help!  I'm being repressed!  -I, the poor religion major)
(With a force of 50 newtons. -R)
(Fig? -I)
(No thanks.  I already ate. -R)
(I already 21.  Just last Saturday. -I)
(Hipy hapy bathudda bathudda. -Pooh)
(Sounds of singing emanate from the server room. -R)
(NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! -I)
(Editor's Note: Retry is ACTUALLY singing now.  Save me, someone. -I)
(Are there really that many sheep in Scotland? -A)
(We can only say that one side of one sheep in Scotland is white. -R)
(Let's hope he isn't talking about the back or under side, eh? -I)
(Aye, Arr, -Eh?)
(We are the IRA.  Watch out.  -I,R,&A)
(We are not to be confused with the ARI.  -I,R,&A)
(Nor are we the AIR.  We don't think so, at least.  -I,R,&A)
(Hmmm, the Indonesian Rebel Alligators sure seems like a dumb cause.
-I,R,&A)
(Bearing in mind that alligators' mouths open up, not down, let's move on
to the SWILbusiness! -R)
(Billswizness! Huzzah.  More Poonersisms for the opuplace! -A)
(The following people will not be attending SWILCon:
	John Gotti
	Elvis Presley
	Joe Stalin 
	The Tick
	The Gang of Four and a Half and a Little Bit More
	Will Quale.  (Oops.  Typo.)
	The letters J, E and the number 5)
(The following will be found at SWILCon:
	T-shirts, with a large keg inked by none other than Ignore
		herself.  Or maybe Jeff Menges.
	Michael Swanwick
	Attendees.  (10 of them so far))
(Editor's Note: Nobody looked down Ignore's shirt at this point in the
SWILnews. -R)
(Not that the discussion didn't HAPPEN <glare>. -I)
(I just type here. -A)
(Moving right along...  -R)
(Send someone to get us we're in Saskatchewan. -The Muppets)
(The following will have been to happening in the Sharples Middle Room on
the night of February 14th:
	The Saint Valentine's Day Massacre!
		(Have been broughten your friends!)
		(Waitrons will haven been needed!)
		(Last next Friday!)
	Bad music!
		(Not our fault.  We just eat there. -R)
	Love are is being be been the air therein
	(For the record, Retry just typed "Sex".  I just thought you all
ought to know that. -I)
	(And keep your eyes open! -A)(Or shut, depending on your
preferences. -A^2)
	)
(For the record, records are passe.  Get CD's. -R)
(Submit to BEM. -Larry)
(Submit to Larry. -BEM)
(Or not. -I)
(Andor. -R)
(For the glory of the Greatblades, you shall die on my great blade! -Andor
Greatblade)
(We're not gonna TOUCH the Freudian implications there! -I)
(We'll gently caress them though. -A)
(G'night, folks! -R)
(NO WAY, the lights stay ON! -A)
(There exist t-shirt ideas without kegs.  Many have been drawn up, such
as:
	SWIL Outreach Program
	Is that a SWIL in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
	SWIL:  We may look like an olive, but we're not.
	We don't want to hurt you;  we just want to drain your life
essence.

Any further ideas should be submitted to Chaos or Megan (Hallam. -R))
(Walpurgisnacht is going to happen some time this year.  It will be run by
Otavia, but not really.  Heather will be in charge.)
(Slowly, slowly, we corrupt the frosh and force them to volunteer! Soon 
they'll be stupid enough to run for president! -I)
(Volunteer? So _THAT's_ what they're calling it these days. -A)
(I am not a number!  I am a free man!  -Patrick McGoohan)
(Voluntee her?  I hardly know her! -I)
([And I quote]: <squeek> <squeak> <squaek> -R [-A])
(I do <squeek> _NOT_ make sil-<squeak>-ly noises while writing SQUAEKnews!
-R)
(ANYWAY..... moving on.... -I)
(Somehow, "Trial by combat" made it into my notes.  Make of it what you
will. -A)
(I can make a pterodactyl, or a paper hat, or.... -"Airplane")
(SWILCon signs: Short, sweet, and pithy!  Yay, Pith!)
(Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the Crum...  It's the
SWIL Regatta!  (This year we will enter Alice and Ross duct-taped to an
inflatable object.  They will swim us to victory! -I) (<this comment
deleted for, well, you know the reasons by now with us folks>)
(<tweet><tweat><twaet> -R [-A])
(SWIL has a locker.  This is nothing new.  Just thought we'd mention it.)
(SWIL has a copy code.  More importantly, we know what it is.  Maybe.)
(SWIL has a nuclear weapon.  It's about two atoms long by three atoms
wide.  Unfortunately, we misplaced it.  If you see it, please let us
know.)
(It may have been eaten by a small dog.  Let's hope the dog doesn't burp.
-I)
(Many movies are shown on campus.  Among them are those wonderful examples
of the classics of Science Fiction shown by SWIL.  For example, this week,
we willen to having been being showenate The Mouse that Roared.  Then
shall to have be Miracle Mile.  Don't ask about what follows that.  You
don't want to know.)
(Why not? -R)
(Because we said so. -R)
(Don't reply to your own comments. -R)
(Why not? -R)
(I refuse to reply to that. -R)

(The above line has intentionally been left blank. -Your friendly
announcer)
(The above Mel has been intentionally been left Blanc. -I)
(The following non-SWILbusiness has intentionally been written in blank
verse. -R)
(Bullwinkle had a friend named Rocky.
 They will appear on a screen that will be set up by Heather and Alastair,
as is being described in this line that is too long. (maybe. -H&A)
 Ziz zaz, man.
 
 (The above line has been unintentionally left blank. -someone)
 Old MacDonald had a phone.
 The phone treated him well.
 He recalled the Good Old Days (tm) when he and his buddies down on the
farm used to get together, just together, like boys, ya know, so they'd
get together (in a group, you see -- together), and they'd take those
phones, yes sirree, they'd take those phones
 Out To Dinner.
 Take Your Phone to Dinner Night II.  Watch the skies.
 
 Andrea talked.
 Andrea told a story of WorldCon '01.
 It has to happen somewhere, and Philly wants it.
 The filkers filked.
 The filkers are asked to filk.
 They are asked to filk about Ben Franklin and his Time Machine.
 All you filkers
	Contact Andrea
		Get details
			Ziz zaz, man.

 There haven been happening an English-Scottish Ball.
 Last tonight.
 Dance, dance, dance [insert techno music here]
 (And Retry complies.  Someone save us.... -I)
 (In memory of Egalite. -R)

 It was snowing.  (Today it was 60+ degrees.  sniffle. -I)
 Let it snow, dammit!  Snow, dammit!  Snow!

 Wink will haven been happening 
 Winkin' is the happenin' thing, man.
 On Saturday.)


(Attendance List for 2/8/97
Heather "SNOW!!!" Weidner
Anna "<very pretty little fakey fakey snowflake>" Hess (ONCE AGAIN Anna
    brings down the curses of the gods and draws a picture instead of
    writing something.  SOON we'll just start interpreting the pictures
    any way we want, and THEN she'll learn!  Bwa ha ha ha!!!! -I)
Kira "Snow" Goetschius
Otavia "Frozen H20" Propper
Dave "Through rain, snow, or sleet of night... or whatever" Mimno
Jeremy "I'm not snow! I'm a free precipitation!" Dilatush
Andrea "Merow!!" Hall
Joel "Picking up Sticks" McNary
David "Evil white stuff is falling!" Phillips
chaos "i volunteered to do t-shirts? when did this happen" golubitsky
David "Gone fishin? Ice fishin'" Randall (Not to be confused with nuclear
    fission. -R)
Amy Swift "<ul> Lots </ul> of snow"
 
n.b. It rained the night before this meeting.)

				(--Abort, Retry, Ignore)