From chaos @ condor.sccs.swarthmore.edu Sat Jul 17 19:31:59 1999 Date: Mon, 9 Feb 1998 15:22:20 -0500 (EST) From: chaos golubitsky To: _swat.org.swil @ cc Subject: The Stone in the Sun Lab ... or SWILNews #3 There was a stone ... a pretty little stone ... actually, it was a pile of books and manuals that were waiting to be shelved, but they had petrified over the last several weeks. Sir Kel was not pleased. "Haven't I told you to reshelve those?" he roared. "That's three demerits for each of you; and no supper. Now get to work!" Sir Kel left, as Hlokk, Goll, Skogul stared in dismay at the impossible, kelemenial task that lay before them. Fortunately, they had an indispensible game plan: there's nothing like a few games of nethack to get you in the mood for cleaning, as they always say. (just who are "you" and "they", eh?--gustav) Time passed. No, really, lots of time. (many, many small dog corpses littered the floor--h) (wait a second ... are we in ML kitchen?--g) (no, we're in the Sun Lab ... except that right now, we're when the sun don't shine--s) Suddenly, Skogul, a third-level Valkyrie, after having accidentally slain his cat fifteen times, stumbled upon Mjollnir in a low-level dungeon. ("blessed rustproof +2 Mjollnir" => Great if you're a Valkyrie--the nethack spoilers). Suddenly, in a poof of smoke, appeared Thor in the middle of the Sun Lab ... "Who dares to take my foe-hammer?" he thundered. (wow, now it rains _and_ thunders in the Sun Lab ... all we need is lightning!--s) The Valkyries cowered in fear. (cower in fear? but we're the fearless co-presidents!--h) (yeah, but you saw what he did to the last ones--g) "Look, um, Thor ... you see ... we don't actually _have_ your hammer," stammered Skogul. "It's ... it's in there." "Where?!?" "There, look, that ( there on the screen, do you see it?" "You mean the thing that looks like a caustic catenary around a little green dot?" asked Thor, in a strangely sporty yet scary tone. "I must have it back!" After some amount of deliberation, they decided the best way to reunite Thor and weapon was to scan Thor into Allspice, a task quickly accomplished on the new co-presidential pocket scanner.. (woowoo--g) Then, using the ... (what tool should we use?--s) (hammer and chisel?--h) (mortar and pestle?--g) (cursed -3 gauntlets of fumbling?--h) ..., the Valkyries quickly freed the books from their stasis and reshelved them neatly. No sooner had they finished than a mighty wizard popped onto the scene. "Flibberty-gibberty, dibberty dee, Books on the floor, now listen to me! Bippity, Blippity, Bloppity Blop, Hie thee to shelves, or I'll never sto-- oh, er, I see you've already finished ...," he muttered hastily. "But," retrieving himself quickly, "now would be an ideal time for a change of pace, wouldn't it? Something nice, slow, relaxing ..." "No can do, got lab in an hour. We get to play with sponges today!" replied Goll. "Sponges! Labs! Pah, what can you learn about a sponge from just looking at it? To understand a sponge, you must transcend, see all, be nothing, feel the currents of the universal water flowing through you, and start talking like Emerson!" (transparent eyeballs, anyone?--h) "Really? You could do that?" "Certainly, it's a simple little spell, and I'm the greatest magician who ever lived!" (it needed to go in there somewhere--h) "Fluffitus, Buffytus!" And suddenly, Hlokk, Goll, and Skogul were gone from the room. In their places stood three copies of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, staring at each other in bemusement, one taller than the other two (in accordance with our platform--h) (and all with long hair, too--s) (so that would be season one Buffy?--g) "Er, um ... rather ... drat it all, what is that spell? Oh, yes: "Fluffertus, porifortous!" The room was very quiet. Through the murky depths of the now flooded Sun Lab, three sponges (one slightly taller than the other two) squished. (in with the good water, out with the bad water--s) Squish. Squish. Squish. (ooh, ooh! i get to be Posh Sponge!--g) (i'll be Scary, then--h) (you're already scary, hlokk--s) (--h) (hey! sponges can't thok!--s, who shall henceforth be known as Sporty Sponge, where henceforth is limited to about the next five seconds) After several seconds of this behaviour, Merlin got bored with this and turned them back. "So, now, you _understand_ what it is to be a sponge?" he asked. "No, now we understand what it is to be in a grepload of trouble. The system's gonna be down for a week!" cried Hlokk. SWILBusiness: The Birdwainer project was a tremendous success. Lots of people showed up on Thursday and did a swell job; Meg thanked us for being so orderly in her library. Clap three times and she'll add money to your fines. (hey, i don't know what it means, i just wrote it down--g) Bookshopping happened on Saturday afternoon. A list was made, and prices will be compared with Amazon and then brought to Budget Committee. Submit to BEM! Heather and Kira thank those who have submitted already, but more, much more, is needed. Propping on campus will happen soon. The deadline for submissions is the end of February. Anna will make a pot and throw it at Eoj. Submit to Heather (hweidner @ sccs.swarthmore.edu), or, soon (but not yet) at bem @ swil.org. Or you could just throw them at Eoj. Challenge chess challenges should be submitted to Eoj (jmrobins @ sccs.swarthmore.edu). Indian leg wrestling is flat out. There was a SWILCon meeting on Sunday. Volunteers are ever-welcome as the date draws close, so if you want to help in any capacity, please contact Larry (ldm @ sccs.swarthmore.edu). The Massacre is this Saturday in the Middle Room of Sharples. The actual extermination will take place at 6:00 sharp (or 6:03 on Kira's watch), which means that Victrons, and especially Waitrons, should be in Sharples by 5:00 (also 6:03 KST). Thugtrons should meet in the Small Room at 5:15 to eat and distribute certain ... hardware ... More instructions will be given at the time (6:03). (Note to the Victrons ... take a second helping of dessert. Really. You won't have to worry about the extra calories this time ...) The SWILMovie, tonight at 10 (6:03 KST), is _The Day the Earth Stood Still_, the classic movie of the 50's. It's actually really good--not Schlock material at all. Plus, find out where the skiff guards in Return of the Jedi got their names ... NonSWILBusiness: Lots of dancing happened this weekend. The first two people who call(ed) Andrea get(got) rides. (They were Joel and Sarah, for those keeping score.) First Saturday was fun, and the formal wasn't bad either (and they played the Spice Spon--er, Caten--er, Girls ...) Origami was made at JimMosk's on Saturday night in lieu of fluffy gaming. Josh has a really neat design for a paper airplane that flies really well. You should ask him about it. Monday at 7:30, "The Paragon of Animals", episode 3 of Season 5 of _Babylon 5_, will be shown in Jim&Josh's apartment. _Buffy_ will be shown at Megan H's on Tuesday at 9:30. It's a new ep, and it should be good. SWIL M. If you know what this piece of NonSWILBusiness was, please let us know ... Fred--7 February 1998: Anna "Crocuses are Blooming!" Hess Heather "cliffs-there are far too few cliffs around Swarthmore" Weidner Ben "The whole east coast has lousy topography" Newman Snibor "Drocsid fo lerriuqs ehe, Ksotatar" Eoj Erik "I'm going to kill you! You Homer Simpson!" Rosolowsky Megan "Joe is a cat" Powell Larry "207.106.46.1" Miller Dave "Gave up on Cornell, moved to Hicks" Phillips Sarah "ten hours of sleep and I'm still tired" Bergstrom Kyla "thirteen hours of sleep and I'm rested--I can share sleep, if you like" Tornheim Jennifer "hmm ... 8, I think ... need more" Tyson Catherine "Music is the brandy of the damned" Osborne Sam "Documenting Grading Trends" Weiler Jimmy "No! It's all your fault, but I forgive you" Kong --Hlokk, Goll, and Skogul