From chaos @ condor.sccs.swarthmore.edu Sat Jul 17 19:32:07 1999 Date: Mon, 16 Feb 1998 15:46:54 -0500 (EST) From: chaos golubitsky To: _swat.org.swil @ cc.swarthmore.edu Subject: Is SWILnews #4 more like a breadbox or like oppression? It was 11:53. (Not 6:03! --G) A crowd was gathered in upper Tarble, the same crowd that had graced this space with their presence every mid-February from time immemorial (or at least since 1970 --H) (well, that is time immemorial if you're using UNIX --S) (Can i play the "approximately 27 years" card now? --G), engaging in the same peculiar ritual. But perhaps it would not always be so. For on this night, a new threat was about to emerge, stronger than bad weather, sophomore papers, or out of tune pianos. This threat was real, and had but one object - to put an end to the ball. Approximately 27 thugtrons crouched in the dark and computer-laden recesses of Sproul Observatory. The semi-comatose CS21 students sat typing at their terminals, unaware of the evil threat surrounding them. The evil threat couldn't have cared less about the CS21 students - they would die out on their own, given time. The Spice catenary pictures were a trifle more disturbing, but still no match for hardened thugs like these. At 11:57, the thugs donned their trench coats and hats, and marched in silent single file towards Tarble. They entered the all-campus space, completely ignored by the dancing couples. Suddenly, Terry Harvey, the dance instructor, looked up at the approaching figures. "What do you's guys want?" The head thugtron stepped up. "Message from Big Al: die, you gravy-sucking..." The head thug approached the end of his sentence and the thugtrons raised their pistols. Suddenly and unexpectedly, he was cut off by a quick pas-de-bas to the head, administered expertly by Terry. Just then, the clock struck midnight, and the entire crowd of dancers was transformed into sponges. They lay on the floor of TIC. "Squish, squish." "...sponges? We can't kill sponges!" (How humanitarian. --G) The thugs stood in consternation, unsure of their next move. But wait... One lone couple was working its way up the set, blissfully unaware of the thugtrons as they skirted sponges. "Gee, Thor," Buffy said, "i'm really glad you convinced me to come to the ball. This has been a lot of fun." "Yeah, i'm having fun too. But what's with all these sponges?" Thor responded shyly. "Come to think of it, why are there approximately 27 guys with big guns at the front of the room?" Buffy asked. The two immediately abandoned their pousette. Thor pulled Mjolnir out of his kilt hose, and they fell upon the confused thugtrons. By 12:00:45, the thugs had been dealt with. And, after 15 seconds of...well, you know what the hero and heroine do after winning the big battle...the sponges were miraculously transformed back into dancers. Thor and Buffy found themselves at the top of the set, ready to begin again with the petronella figure. SWILbusiness: The St. Valentine's Day Massacre happened (The ball wasn't that bad, was it? --S, with credit to Dan Marin), and was good. We're beginning to get a cult following. This is a good thing (tm). There will be a meeting within the next few weeks to build/repair art show easels for SWILCon. This will probably occur after meeting this week or next. Other SWILCon business: if you have any ideas for panels, or profs who you'd like to see appear in panels, send suggestions to Kira. (I think they should be made out of wood, and should be about 4 feet by... --S) Melissa will send an e-mail within the next week about appropriate use of George. The key will be placed in the SWIL locker (#42) after the e-mail is sent. Do not store wood in George. If you want to be a monster in the Pterodactly Hunt and didn't sign up last semester, or would like to confirm that you're signed up, e-mail hunt @ swil.org. Book-shopping happened last weekend, and we found $175 worth of books. Kyla will talk to Budget Committee and find out how much they'll give us. Ben donated the complete "Dark is Rising" and "Chronicles of Prydian" series to Cordwainer. Thank you, Ben. Amy is hauling strange things in her backpack (any spoons? --H) (If there are, i don't want to know what they're doing. --G), including swing music, but will not trade her shopping list to Eoj for napkins. With or without some of these strange things, Amy is planning to decorate the SWIL board in Parrish. Please contact her (aswift1 @ cc) if you have ideas or would like to help. We like Amy. She has initiative. Eoj rolled a 2 for initiative. (Go figure --G) The official SWIL expression of the week was declared to be "after the ball". The SWIL movie this week is Beetlejuice, showing at 10:00 tonight in Kirby. (It will be shown after the ball. --S) Sarah Bergstrom was dismembered this week. She claimed to be sentient since: Only sentient beings are willing to give their lives for art. The massacre is a form of performance art, and she was willing to die in the massacre. Non-SWILbusiness: The next roundsing will happen Saturday, 21 February, at 7:00pm. You should all come. The English/Scottish ball happened. (See above.) It was much fun. It is now "after the ball". (The ball did not happen after the ball. --S) (But it should have. --G) (We will ensure that next year's ball will happen after the ball. --S) Eoj channelled Jimmosk, and made an annoucement about Babylon 5, which will be today at 7:30 in Jim's apartment. He also announced that he (Jim) will be holding another collaging, Wednesday at 7:30. Fred said "55 degrees sucks." Then Fred blew up the room in the process of attempting to turn up the heat. It's better now, though. "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer" will be shown Tuesday at 9:30 in Megan's apartment. She will be re-showing a season 1 episode, possible "Teacher's Pet". Eoj will be showing Twin Peaks, starting Sunday, 22 February. Let him know if you're interested (jmrobins @ sccs), so he knows who's coming and how many episodes to show. It's a thought... a good thought - 2/14: Anna "Cheerily, cheer up, cheerily, cheer up, cheerily" Hess Elizabeth "found a geniza in Wallingford" Weber (Does it quack? --S) Snibor "Hctiwt ot ekil I." Eoj (No comment. --G) Jennifer "running around like a chicken with her head chopped off" Tyson Ben "It's not my fault" Newman (...something about the Sudetenland - i'd better not go there. --H) (The Sudetenland? I hear it's nice this time of year. --S) Jimmy "I love you not only for who you are, but who i am not when i am with someone else" Kong (Kill the idealistic frosh! --H) (Wow, that's profound. --S) Jay "One globally correlated sequence, understood, with conodont zonation for all." Scott (Would you like tree squids with that? --S) Dave "Brr. It's cold" Phillips Sarah "vanilla soup... mm..." Bergstrom David "Playford Studio 97" Randall Amy "Do we _have_ a piper?" Swift (Fred was also at the meeting, but did not sign the attendance list. He needs to be tracked down and dealt with summarily. Maybe next week... --H) --Hlokk, Goll, and Skogul