From chaos @ cs.swarthmore.edu Sat Jul 17 20:56:35 1999 Date: Fri, 7 May 1999 19:27:17 -0400 (EDT) From: Chaos Golubitsky To: _swat.org.swil @ cc Subject: The Aardvark that Ate the Angry Alliterative SWILNews #13 "i have no thoughts," dagger said morosely. cloak had no thoughts either. she wasn't hired to think, just to type. (wait, we get paid for this? -d) (well... there is that whole "photocopy budget" thing... -c) it was friday night. (at least it's not the thirteenth. then we'd be a cliche. -d) cloak and dagger were writing swilnews, not out of any particular sense of... (cloak also has no short-term memory. -d) but still, here they sat. (you haven't said where here is. -d) (in the sun lab - where else would we be on a friday night? -c) then, the guest showed up. dagger wanted a guest appearance in the swilnews. in fact, dagger specifically requested a penguin. well, you can't have everything - we got an aardvark. the aardvark entered the room and proceeded to devour rosemary. dagger whimpered. phil, who was in the corner working on a cs project, made some brief comment about the virtues of storing sccs computers on parrish 5th, and went back to typing. little did he realise that the aardvark had paid a little visit to the aviary on its way to the sun lab. (if you want to know why your account isn't working... -d) of course, the aardvark was, in fact, only in the sun lab because the word "sun" is very similar in aardvark to the word "pigeon". but we digress. after taking care of saffron, tarragon, and sage, the aardvark turned its attention to xterm04, the very computer in front of which your intrepid co-presidents were failing to have thoughts. cloak said, "maybe it's hungry - i'll go get it fingers and fries" (what else am i going to do with $30 in points? -c), and ran to tarble, leaving (abandoning, thank you -d) dagger alone, without even a thok stick to defend herself. (okay, okay, the truth comes out. i'm evil and nasty and on the side of the aardvarks - is anyone *really* surprised? -c) (ooh, me, me! -d) "No, not the dread aardvark! A giraffe, camel, heck, even an elephant I could deal with, but an aardvark? For goodness' sake." Otavia came into the sun lab and disparaged the aardvark. unfortunately for dagger, otavia then went over to the safety of oregano (aardvarks don't like oregano, you see -c) and logged on. fortunately, dagger was wearing her shitkicker boots. (are we allowed to say "shit" in swilnews? -c) (hell, yes. -d) (maybe we should substitute grep. -c) ("grepkickers"? no... -d) inspired by dancing master terry harvey, dagger quickly improvised a pas-de-basque to the head of the aardvark. aardvarks aren't shaped exactly like people, so it was more of a pas-de-basque to the snout, but close enough. the aardvark flew out the window, neatly clipping oregano. Otavia was so tired at this point, she declared she was seeing aardvarks. capsule summary: this is a new feature of swilnews, since we have recently been informed that people don't actually read our witty and clever prose. we're heartbroken, but there's nothing you can do about it now, so don't bother to send flowers. (hey, i'd take flowers. -d) anyway, so here's a short list of important things happening at the next meeting. actual details are in swilbusiness. you may still miss stuff if you don't read swilbusiness, even if you attended the meeting, since we add swil- and non-swilbusiness during the week as we find out about it. anyway... at next week's meeting, the following will be happening: 1. senior remembrances 2. voting on swilcon proposals 3. distribution of bem swilbusiness: the movies for next semester, in no particular order (of course they'll be in a particular order - aren't they always? -c) are: laputa (anime) little shop of horrors young frankenstein attack of the killer tomatoes tank girl dark crystal apollo 12 (we ...borrowed one of them. we'll return it before next fall. -c) dr. strangelove bedknobs and broomsticks wings of honneamise (anime) solyaris gremlins raiders of the lost ark the matrix monty python and the holy grail alternates are: blade the man who fell to earth last action hero willy wonka and the chocolate factory spamageddon happened. the steak was cute. schlock happened. the complete destruction of the human race several days running was cute. no it wasn't. who are we kidding? bem happened. come to swil meeting tomorrow to get your bem. t-shirt ordering happened. t-shirts have not happened. yet. all shirts are $6.50, and orders are probably closed, though e-mail sonia and ask her (sonechka @ sccs) if you missed the deadline. senior remembrances will be happening next week. as far as we know, the following people are in the classes of 98.5-99.5 and have been dismembered while at swat. if we missed anyone, please let us know. bring stories. - john finkbiner - megan hallam - jess harbour - greg ingber - dave mimno - dave phillips - will quale - alastair thompson - alice unger (99.5) - audrey walton-hadlock west (98.5) - ben williams we discussed swilcon at meeting. there was a lot of discussion (anyone who wants to know what was said is welcome to read our notes from the meeting), and the only consensus reached was that we won't have swilcon unless someone has a proposal. thus, anyone who has a proposal should bring it to meeting tomorrow, so they can be read and we can vote quickly. (anyone who has a proposal and has not contacted us about it should do so before meeting if possible.) non-swilbusiness: lindsay is having a "happily ever after" movie night saturday in kohlberg 115 showing "mulan" and "ever after". the party starts at 7, the movies start at 8, leaving enough time before the movies for... cantatrix is having a concert in the bell tower saturday at 7:30. it will be fairly short (they have six songs), and if you don't show up, dagger will hate you forever. especially if you don't read swilbusiness. allan says hi. the attendance list of may day and sleep - 1/5: Amy "sorry, we're all out of sleep, would you like to...oh, never mind" Swift Andrea "Meow" Hall Lindsay "Hippofascistsaurus Rex Megazord Power!" Herron Amy' "I worship the cows on other planets" Marinello Sonia "Ghost writers in the sky" Mariano Jim "This is not Jim Moskowitz. This is just a collection of ink blobs" Moskowitz Rebecca "Have you ever played Chutes & Ladders: the Drinking Game?" Paul Abigail "TYEAHL! I need a quote! :(" Friedman Anna "A clean Crum!" Hess Arcadia "Serbian short stories don't need Spam, they have death!" Falcone Ben "need sleep" Newman Peter "I'm silent" Ma Rebecca "What is sleep" Jones Robert "Sharples doesn't please Garge" McFarland Jessica "128 pages, for those who care" Harbour Megan "Andrea, did you get the cat out of the fridge?" Hallam John "No syrup-type food today. Damn" Finkbiner I am "(Swap quote for name) Jimmy Kong" Kamui! Mikado "Shall I kiss the sleeping beauty?" Sanzenin Fred "Dagger of Kamui = tighty-whity ninjas = major suckage!" Bush -Cloak and Dagger